I Remember You
by gidgetgal9
Summary: Sam wakes up in a hospital with no memory. Will he learn the truth about what happened to him in time to save himself? S3 Not a death fiction! Beta work by Sendintheclowns and Floralia.
1. Chapter 1

I Remember You- summary- Sam wakes up in a hospital with no memory. Will he learn the truth about what happened to him in time to save himself? S3 Not a death fiction! Beta work by Sendintheclowns and Floralia.

A/N: I've been working on this story for awhile, and I'm happy to have it finished. I'll be posting a chapter every other day until it's all up. A big thanks to my friends and betas- Sendintheclowns and Floralia. Both were so awesome! They helped me flesh this story out and it is a better story because of their help!

**_Woke up to the sound of pouring rain  
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you  
And all the tears you cried, that called my name  
And when you needed me I came through_**

**_Through the sleepless nights and every endless day  
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you_**

**_Skid Row- I Remember You_**

I Remember You- One

His head felt heavy, like he was drugged. He could hear the beeping of machinery, and his nose was assaulted by antiseptic smells that made him think hospital. It took a bit of effort but he slowly opened his eyes. Bright light attacked his senses and he quickly closed them again.

"Sam! Oh Baby, open your eyes please." He heard a voice pleading, and his right hand was grasped by a petite hand. The voice sounded desperate, so he decided to try opening his eyes again.

"That's it Baby, you can do it." He tried but the lights were too bright.

He decided to try and communicate with the panicked voice at his side. But his throat was dry and the words didn't want to come out. In the end, he was able to whisper.

"Light's too bright." After speaking those words, he just wanted to go back to sleep and escape the pain that was now making itself known in his head.

"Hold on Sweetheart, I'll get the lights." He felt the small hand let go, and then return.

"Try again Sam, the lights are turned down now." The voice was quiet but persistent.

He slowly opened his eyes, and took in the sights in front of him. It took a moment to focus, but his suspicions had been confirmed. He was in a hospital. In front of him was a beautiful blond, who was smiling brightly at him.

"Welcome back Sam, I've missed you so much." She spoke and then gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.

He tried not to flip out, but it hit him that this girl acted as if she knew him, and his mind was drawing a total blank. The more he thought about his situation the more confused and frightened he felt.

"Sam, sweetie it's okay." The girl tried to reassure him as he started to panic in bed. It was getting hard to catch his breath.

His throat was so dry it hurt to speak, but he found himself squeaking out a reply to the girl. "Who's Sam, and who am I?"

He watched as the girl stared back in shock. She seemed frozen in time for a moment.

"Hold on, I need to get your doctor. I'll be right back." He watched as she rushed from the room. While she was gone he took some calming breaths. It'd do him no good to lose it, if he stayed calm he was sure that things would become clearer.

A few minutes later, the pretty petite blond returned with an older woman, probably in her fifties, wearing a doctor's jacket.

"I'm so glad to see you awake." She said as she approached the bed. "I was told that you're having trouble remembering things. Can you tell me what you do remember?"

"I-I don't remember anything." He tried not to panic again.

"It's okay, I promise that everything will be explained. My name is Dr. Ford, and I'd like to check your vitals real quick and then I'll answer all your questions. Okay?" The doctor's manor was reassuring, and so he tried to relax as she took his vitals.

Once she was done, she sat down on the side of his bed. "You don't remember your name?" The doctor asked, and he realized that the pretty blond was now crying softly in the chair next to his bed.

"No ma'am. Nothing." He took another deep breath trying to keep from bawling like the young blond next to him.

"Well, three months ago, you were in a car accident and badly hurt. There was brain trauma and you slipped into a coma. This week, you started to stir, and come back from the coma. It is not unheard of for people with brain injury to lose memories, and sometime amnesia can happen. I do hope that this is just a temporary loss for you but we'll just have to wait and see. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" The Doctor's eyes were kind and she took his hand in hers and squeezed it.

"Yes, I have memory loss, but it might be temporary but it could be permanent?" He was afraid to ask, but he had to know.

"It could be permanent, some memory might return, or they all could. The good news is that everything else seems to be fine. You'll be weak from being in bed for three months but over time you will recover from that. I know that you have many questions about yourself, and I feel that you'll get more thorough answers if you ask Ms. Moore. She has been by your side through your stay here, and you two were dating when the accident happened. I'll leave you two alone, but if you need anything don't hesitate to page me. I will be by later to check on you." The doctor patted him on the shoulder and left.

Turning his attention to the pretty blond next to him, he noticed that she was trying to regain composure.

"Is there anything I can get you?" She asked as she stood from the chair.

"Some water?" He asked and gave her a smile.

"Sure." She replied and the quickly filled a glass of water and put it on the tray in front of his bed.

He took a few sips, the water helped soothe his dry mouth. He smiled again at the girl and decided that he might as well ask her about himself. "So um, can you tell me about myself?"

She smiled and tentatively sat down on the side of his bed. "Well, your name is Sam, Sam Winchester. And I really don't know much about your family, other than the fact that you guys weren't very close." She took his hand and held it lightly in hers.

"So I'm Sam, and I'm not close to my family, but you and I are together?" Sam asked, trying to sort through the facts of his unremembered life.

"Yeah, um, my name is Jessica Moore, and you call me Jess. We met at Stanford, and we had been living together for a year. Three months ago, out of the blue, your brother Dean showed up. He said your dad went on a hunting trip and never made it home. Dean wanted your help tracking him down. You reluctantly left and went to Jericho, California. You called me to tell me that you were on your way home, two nights later. You had found your Dad and they were going to bring you home." Jessica stopped and took a big breath. Sam knew what she was about to say was bad, her eyes were full of misery.

"But I didn't make it home, right?" Sam stated, as he watched Jessica nodded.

"There was an accident, and the car you were in with your family was hit by a semi. Your dad and brother were killed, and you received major head trauma. I came to Jericho as soon as I heard, and I've been here ever since. I'm so sorry Sam." Jessica lost her fight with her tears and Sam felt the need to comfort her.

It was weird to be comforting her over his loss. His loss that he couldn't remember.

Once Jess, settled down, Sam decided to ask a few more questions, but he really dreaded the answers.

"Um Jess, what about my mom?" Sam asked quietly and watched as Jess's face fell.

"Oh Sam, I'm sorry, she died when you were a baby. And, when the accident happened, I wasn't able to find any family or friends, so we used the insurance money from the accident to have your brother and father cremated. I thought that way, when you are up for it, we could bury them. But now, I don't know what to do." Jess dissolved into tears once more.

Sam held her and tried to understand everything that had been thrown his way. Part of him, upon learning about his family didn't want to remember. But for this tiny sobbing person in his arms, he felt he needed to remember. She evidently cared a great deal for him, and he felt bad he couldn't remember her.

Her sobs began to lessen and she pulled away from Sam. "It will be okay Sam, I'm sorry I lost it. It's just been really hard. Before the accident, you were going to go to law school at Stanford and I was going to get my Masters in Art Therapy, and we were going to get married. After the accident, I quit school and got a job here at the hospital doing art therapy with the patients. It has kept me close to you, and I just couldn't give up on us. I'm not going to give up on us. We'll figure this out together, I promise." Jess leaned in and gave Sam a chaste kiss.

"I'm so sorry that I don't remember, but I think that you're right. Things will work out." Sam really wasn't sure he meant what he said, but felt that he owed it to the poor girl to be positive. He hoped that what he said would ring true for him.

"Good, well you look tired sweetie, why don't you try to rest before they bring your lunch in. I'm going to do a little reading, but I'll be right here if you need me." Jess patted his hand and got off the bed and sat down in the chair next to him.

"Okay, thanks." Sam replied quietly. His mind was swirling with all the information he had been given, but in the end his weary body made its demands known and he slipped off to sleep.

-0-

Once Sam was asleep Jess left to find Dr. Ford. Dr. Ford was in her office doing paperwork when Jess approached.

"So how's our patient doing?" Dr. Ford asked as Jess approached her desk.

"Confused, and tired as would be expected. So how long before we can get him out of here? I don't like having him out in public where Ruby or his brother might find him."

Jess sat down in a chair across from Dr. Ford. Black eyes shining.

"Patience, you have to have patient. You knew that this would be a slow process when you signed on, but it'll be so worth it if we can get Sam to be our leader. With him on our side, our little group will take the lead in the whole demon war." Dr. Ford smirked.

"Patience, oh I know patience. You're not the one who spent a whole month trying to find someone who fit Jessica Moore's physical appearance and then another month having plastic surgery to complete the look! I get the patience part, I just don't want all this work to be for nothing if that skank and his brother find us." Jess huffed as she got up and started to pace.

"Well, I know Ruby has a history of being hard to deal with and so does Mr. Winchester, but I'm confident that they won't be able to track Sam. They wouldn't think of looking for Sam in such a public place. So chill out and let the plan fall together. Sam might get suspicious if we just whisk him out of here right after waking up from his coma. Besides, the drugs, potion and spells we used on him were pretty heavy duty. He does need time to recoup." Dr. Ford's voice was full of confidence.

"Yeah, well, I guess I better get back to my beloved." Jess hated being out in the open and knew she needed to keep a close eye on Sam.

-0-

It was like watching a movie where you should know the characters and they look familiar but things weren't clicking.

Sam was standing by Jess and they were dressed in bedtime clothes. An older man stood in front of them.

"We need to talk." The older man stated.

"Anything you say you can say in front of Jess." Sam replied.

"Dad's gone on a hunting trip and hasn't made it back in a few days." The older man replied and Sam realized it must be his brother Dean.

Things skipped around and he was checking voice mail from Jess while his brother went for food.

Then like a scene change in a movie he found himself driving an old black car. He was fighting with the older man in the car, who must have been his dad. Dean was in the back and looked beat up. Hell they all looked beat up, but Sam couldn't hear what was being said. The song Bad Moon Rising was playing loudly and then there was a crash. The sounds of metal crushing and glass breaking were pounding his head when Sam jerked awake. He was covered in sweat.

"Baby, are you okay." Jess was at his side, holding him.

"I-I had this dream and I think it was about the crash. It was awful the groans of pain and the sound of metal hitting metal and then I woke up." Sam was panting trying to catch his breath.

"I stepped out of the room for a bit and when I got back you screamed and woke up. I'm so sorry I wasn't here to wake you from your dream before it got so bad." Jess had taken him into her arms and was holding him.

Sam tried to take a calming breath. Jess's touch was helping him to gain composure and he was glad to have her there.

"It's okay, I think it's good that I remembered even if it was the bad part. Maybe I'll remember more." Sam hoped that was true. Living in a fog was scary and he was glad to have Jess by his side even if he didn't remember her. She made him feel less alone.

"Don't worry baby, nothing bad is going to happen while I'm around." Jess soothed into his ear and Sam took comfort in those words. They were so familiar somehow.


	2. Chapter 2

I Remember You

Chapter Two

It had been a week. A whole week, since Dean had last laid eyes on Sam.

Their previous week together had been a hectic one. There had been a false lead on Bela and the colt that had in the end just eaten up precious time. With the deal hanging over his head, Dean really hated wasting time on fruitless chases.

He had been ready for some relaxing bar time. Sam had come along reluctantly and soon after decided to walk the two blocks back to the motel.

That had been the last he had had contact with his little brother. On returning to their motel room Dean had found Ruby and not Sam there.

She had quickly explained in her oh so annoying way that there was a demon group after Sam. They were set on making him their leader. Ruby had learned that they were poised to strike soon and she was there to warn them. She had found Sam's cell phone with blood on it, outside the door of the motel room when she arrived but there was no sign of Sam.

Dean's heart sank. With his time on earth limited, he was panicked at what would happen to Sam if he didn't find him before the Hell Hounds came to get him.

After his initial panic and anger, he started his hunt for Sam. But like the time Sam disappeared because of the Meg possession, he was making little ground. Ruby was helping but it was all Dean could do not to kill her ever time she made a smart remark.

There was also the fact that he didn't trust Ruby, but at the moment he was willing to take any help he could get. He was desperate.

Dean's mind wandered over the other time's Sam had disappeared and as he thought about The Bender's incident he realized that they hadn't covered all their bases with Sam. While contacting the authorities was not something he wanted to do, he knew that they could be of help. The Winchesters were no longer wanted by the FBI, so contacting the local police wouldn't be as risky as it had in the past.

Dean sighed and looked over at Ruby who was hunched over Sam's laptop. "Hey, I've been thinking."

Ruby smirked. "Don't strain yourself."

Dean huffed. "Can you just shut up for five seconds please! I was thinking back to one of the times that Sam disappeared."

"How many times has Sam gotten himself kidnapped? Have you thought of implanting one of those chips they use to keep up with lost pets?" Ruby said rolling her eyes.

"Like I said, if you could just shut your cake hole for five seconds." Dean was beyond his limit of patience for the demon.

"Fine. My lips are sealed until your done with you're little story." Ruby replied as she crossed her arms in front of her.

"There was this family, The Benders. They liked to hunt humans and kidnapped Sam. Like the situation now, I had no clue as to where to find him, so I reported him missing to the police. It was with their help that I actually found Sam that time. We're running out of options and I just thought it wouldn't hurt to contact the authorities and report him missing." Dean finished waiting for Ruby to reply.

"Okay, if you're finished, I'll add my two cents worth. Um, no offense, but the police while they might be able to help your track down the folks from Deliverance, there's no way in hell they can catch a demon." Ruby snarked out.

"Someone might have seen something, it would at least put more people on the lookout. Now, I really shouldn't be hanging with the local law enforcement, considering they think I'm dead but you could go and report your dear cousin Sam missing. I know it's a long shot but it's better than sitting here doing nothing. And while you're gone, I'll go ahead and call the local hospitals and see if anyone fitting Sam's description has been admitted. Again, probably won't get us anywhere but it couldn't hurt." Dean finished and had been amazed that Ruby hadn't butted in this time.

"This is a waste of time, but you know what? It gets me the hell away from you for awhile, so I'll do it. Do you have a fake id for my cousin, or a picture that I can take with me?" Ruby asked as she shut the computer down.

Dean pulled a photo of Sam out of his wallet and handed to Ruby. "Sam's fake id had the name Sam Harris on it when he disappeared. Oh and take all the time you need!"

"Oh I will, and don't waste the time alone on porn!" Ruby said with a wink and headed out the door, before Dean could reply.

_God, I hate her_. Dean grumbled to himself as he pulled out the local phone book.

-0-

Jess entered Sam's room with a big smile on her face. Sam looked up and tried to return the smile. The last few days had been pretty rough. His mind was a blank except for the horrible nightmare about the wreck. The nightmare had reared its ugly head again that night and it had him on edge. He couldn't remember his brother or father but kept witnessing their deaths.

Then there was Jess. She was so supportive and made him feel not so alone but he was uneasy around her. They had clearly had a close relationship, and he knew it had to be hard on her that he didn't remember. Sam tried to be as friendly as he could, but he still couldn't get past the fact that in his mind he had only known her two days.

"Sam, I've got some really good news. Dr. Ford said you could go home with me this morning." Jess was beaming evidently delighted at the news.

Sam tried to smile back and forced a reply. "That's nice."

He watched her face fall. "Oh Sam, it'll be okay, I promise. I know you're still weak, but wouldn't you rather rest up in the comfort of our apartment than stay here?"

Sam nodded. "Of course, I hate it here. It's just you said I could go home and it's just hard to wrap my mind around that. I have a home that I don't remember with you."

Sam felt horrible as he watched Jess's eyes fill with tears. "If you'd rather get your own place, I can help you."

"No, I'm sorry Jess, I didn't mean to hurt you." Sam reached out and grabbed her arm pulling her to him in a hug. "You've been so wonderful to me. I-it scares me to think of what it would've been like facing amnesia alone. I don't want to be alone and if you'll have me I want to stay with you. I want to remember you." Sam could feel the sobbing lessen as Jess pulled away.

"Sam, you're truly amazing. That's why I love you so much. Here you are weak and confused, providing me with comfort. I need to take things slow with you. I promise to do that and try not to let things get me so emotional." Jess took Sam's right hand into hers and gave it a squeeze.

Sam smiled. "I think I just need time and things won't be so weird. So what time do I get to leave?"

-0-

Dean had spent most of his morning on the phone with the local hospital, playing phone tag. It was hard to find the right person to talk to and of course once you reached them, they were away from the desk. On the bright side, Ruby hadn't made it back yet.

It was noon time and Dean was getting hungry and irritable when his phone finally rang. Glancing at the Caller ID, he was happy to see it was the hospital.

"Hello, Mr. Harris, this is Anita from the patient admissions office at Memorial Hospital." The woman on the other end paused.

"Yes, this is Mr. Harris, did you get my message about my missing cousin, Sam Harris?" Dean knew that had been the fake id Sam was carrying when he disappeared.

"Yes, and you left a description of your cousin. We didn't have anyone by that name admitted. There was a young man fitting your description, admitted with a case of amnesia, but he was later identified by his girlfriend as Sam Winchester." The woman replied causally.

Dean's heart caught in his throat and it took him a moment to speak. "Uh, well my cousin, his parents are divorced and I didn't realize that he was using his mother's maiden name." Dean knew that the excuse was lame but it was all he had to go on.

"Is Sam still at the hospital?" Dean hoped that it would be that easy.

"Um, no he was released early this morning, by Doctor Ford. If you would like I can transfer this call to her office."

"No, thanks, I'll try contacting his girlfriend." Dean sighed, he didn't want to tip the demons off that he knew where his brother was and the doctor might be in on the plan.

Running out of options, he called Ruby.

"Hey Dean, you have any more useless errands for me to run, cause the police angle was a bust." Dean really wanted to hang up, but instead took a calming breath and proceeded.

"I found where they had Sam. He was admitted to Memorial Hospital with a head injury that caused amnesia. He was accompanied by his girlfriend. A Dr. Ford released him this morning. So how are your computer hacking skills? Think you could get us and address for Sam?" Dean could hear Ruby huff on the other end.

"I'm so **not** your personal assistant, but yeah I can hack into their system. You don't come back from hell hundreds of years later without being pretty smart and adaptable. I took Sam's laptop so give me a minute, I'll find a coffee shop with wifi and I'll call ya back." The phone went dead.

Dean paced as he waited for Ruby to call back. What was probably only fifteen minutes felt like forever, but finally his phone rang.

"He was released today, by his doctor to the care of one Jessica Moore. She's the dead one that burned on the ceiling right?" But before Dean could respond Ruby plowed on with her information. "Got the address that was in his file for insurance purposes. Um, 1513 West Elm, Westwood Apartments, Apartment #12. There was nothing else other than the diagnosis of amnesia. Heading your way." Ruby clicked the phone off.

Dean took a calming breath, dealing with Ruby and his brother's kidnapping was stressing him out, but now he at least had something to work with. His brother was suffering from amnesia and that was hard to accept, not to mention it was going to make a rescue more complicated. At least they had an address, he just hoped it panned out.

-0-

Sam entered the one bedroom apartment. It was small but clean and neat. There was a small kitchen area and living room.

He decided to sit down on the couch, but as he approached Jess grabbed his right arm.

"Baby, you should lay down." Jess guided him towards the bed room. Sam sighed and sat down on the bed.

"I'm tired of being in bed." Sam knew he was being whiney, like a child but he couldn't help it.

Jess smiled and walked over to a set of chest drawers and pulled out some clothes. "I know you are, but you heard the doctor. You need to take it easy. Why don't you put these PJ's on and get into bed. I'll fix you some lunch and then you can take a nap."

"If I take a nap like a good boy, can I get up late?." Sam knew he was being childish but didn't care. He decided if he was going to be treated like one then he would act like one.

Jess just smiled. "We'll see."

Sam ate his lunch in bed and once he was finished he tried to settle in bed for a nap, but sleep eluded him.

Jess evidently heard his tossing and turning, and returned to the room.

"Having trouble going to sleep?" Jess's eyes were filled with amusement.

Sam knew he looked pathetic, hair a mess, and his pillows and sheets jumbled around him. He just looked up and nodded.

"Well, why don't I lay down with you? You've always told me that you sleep better when we're together." Jess started to undress, pulling off her t-shirt and jeans.

Sam couldn't help but watch. Jess was beautiful girl and now she was standing before him in just a bra and pair of panties. He knew that he was blushing, and had no clue as to what to say as she climbed in bed with him.

Sam swallowed and gave Jess a timid smile. "You don't have too. I'll be okay."

"Oh but I want to Sam. I've missed you so much. Why don't you lay on your stomach and I'll give you a back rub." Jess was already nudging him to roll over on his stomach.

"Okay." Sam decided to go with the flow and rolled over. He had to admit that she was very good with her hands. Jess started at his neck and slowly worked her way down to his lower back. He melted with her touch, it felt so good.

Once his body was relaxed she stopped and caressed his hair. "I know you don't remember our time together Sam, but I do. I miss being with you like this. Enjoying the closeness."

Sam sighed. He wished he could remember. "I'm so sorry that I don't remember, but this was nice. Thank you." Sam slowly turned over and gazed at Jess.

Jess smiled and slowly lowered herself to Sam's mouth and gave him a soft chaste kiss. Jess spoke as she pulled away. "I love you so much Sam."

Sam smiled at her, as she curled up to his side. He sighed, wishing that his memories would return.

**A/N: **I just wanted to thank you for reading and a big thanks for those who left me the wonderful reviews for chapter one. More soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning:** There is a sexual situation in this chapter but it is not explicit.

I Remember You

Chapter 3

Ruby had made it back to the motel room fairly quickly. Dean had already pulled out a local map and had pinpointed the apartment building where he hoped Sam was being held.

Dean wanted to head over to the apartment complex and stake it out right away but Ruby had other ideas.

"I get that you want to pull a Rambo and go in a guns a blazing and save the damsel, but we need to use the cover of dark to check this out. There might be other demons beside the dead girlfriend one." Ruby said as she paced the room.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Do you think this demon looks like Jess?" Dean swallowed hard thinking of how hard it would be to take Sam's love down, even if it was just a look-a-like.

"Uh, of course she does. I mean if Sam has amnesia she wouldn't have to be a dead ringer." Ruby plopped down on the bed opposite Dean popping her gum.

"Well, I'm tired of being stuck with the bitch from hell, I'd at least like to make a plan instead of sitting here with my thumb up my ass." Dean was so tired of just sitting and doing nothing and was fighting the urge to shove Ruby's gum down her throat.

"Sure, we can plan, but I'm about to bring up some stuff that's going to piss you off." Ruby sat across for him with a smirk on her face.

"Uh yeah, when do you say things that don't piss me off- so shoot." Dean sighed, knowing that until he had Sam back he was stuck with his demon side-kick.

"True, and I do love watching you get flustered. Okay, so here's the deal. Sam has amnesia so he doesn't remember you or me. We're going to go into the apartment gun's a blazing and he's gonna freak out. We need to secure him. Do you want to, or do you want me to do the honors? I wouldn't mind ya know, I'm kind of into the whole bondage thing." Ruby gave Dean a wink.

Dean's stomach turned, and he felt sick. It hadn't occurred to him that they would have to take Sam out in order to get to the demon., but Ruby was right it needed to be done.

"As much as it pains me to say this, your right. And, I think you should be the one to take Sam out because I'm the one that's going to have to try and gain his trust when all of this is over. Just promise me that you won't hurt him- take him down as painless as possible." Dean voice was stern and his body tense, because if Ruby hurt Sam she **would** answer to him.

"Duh, he's is the great white hope- the guy I'm backing, like I'd want to hurt him. If he has amnesia all his training is gone, it shouldn't be hard to take Sasquatch down." Ruby gave Dean's shoulder a nudge and hopped up to start pacing again.

Great, this night was going to be oh so much fun!

-0-

_Sam knew he was dreaming again, viewing his life from afar. This time he was watching himself and Jess get ready for a party. A Halloween party, and Jess looked sexy in her nurse's costume. As they headed outdoors, they met up with a friend. _

_He watched as his dream self and the two others celebrated at a bar. From the conversation that he overheard he realized that dream Sam had gotten an interview for law school. After the bar, dream Sam and Jess headed home and the celebrating continued in the bedroom. _

Sam started to awake, and realized that like in the dream, Jess was in his arms. Then he realized that she had her left hand down his boxers and was stroking his erection. His eyes flew open and he fell from the bed trying to get away.

"Sam, are you okay?" A concerned Jess peered from the bed down at the floor where Sam sat in a jumble of sheets and blankets.

"I… sorry….I need a shower." Sam untangled himself and made a run for the bathroom.

After his shower, Sam really didn't want to face Jess. He was embarrassed and hoped that he hadn't hurt Jess's feelings. She had been nothing but wonderful and he didn't want to hurt her.

But things were happening to fast, at least to fast for Sam. In his mind, he knew he should try to move forward. He wanted to do that, but more slowly than evidently Jess did.

Sam knew he couldn't hide in the bathroom forever so he slowly made his way out into the living room. He found Jess fully dressed and reading a book on the couch. Sam slowly lowered himself on the other end of the couch.

Jess immediately looked up from her book with a big smile on her face. "Hey sweetie, do you feel better after your shower?"

Sam felt even worse than before. She wasn't even mad at his embarrassing tumble out of bed to get away from her. He made himself give her eye contact as he spoke.

"Yeah, I feel better. Uh look, I'm so sorry about earlier. I…" Sam knew he was turning red and stumbling over his words and before he could make a complete fool of himself, Jess spoke up.

She grabbed his left hand and took it into hers. "Baby, it's okay. Really. I was so caught up in the moment of being with you again, and I moved things forward too fast and I'm sorry. You need us to move slowly and I promise to try and remember that. Do you forgive me?" Jess's eyes were watery as she spoke.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, if you forgive me." Jess smiled and nodded yes. Sam continued. "We just need to take things slowly and our lives will fall into place. In fact, I had a nice dream about us during my nap."

"Oh Sam, you remembered me in your dream?" Jess's face lit up and it made Sam feel better about the whole episode earlier.

"Yeah." Sam was pleased and ready for the ecstatic hug that she gave him.

-0-

Stakeouts were never Dean's favorite thing to do, but being stuck with a demon chick as his partner made this stakeout suck out loud.

"So, are you ready?" Dean asked just to make conversation.

"Uh yeah, got handcuffs, rope and a gag for Sam…." but before Ruby could continue Dean interrupted.

"A gag for Sam? Why?" Dean knew they needed to subdue Sam and get him out of the way, but a gag seemed a bit extreme.

"Hmm, let's see. Sam needs a gag so he won't throw you off your game." Ruby huffed and crossed her arms.

"I still don't get it." Dean had had it with Ruby and her vague references.

"Alright short bus, I'll explain it so that you will understand. How the hell are you supposed to concentrate on the job of taking care of the demon if your little brother is in the corner pleading for you to stop? Those puppy dog eyes are bad enough and at least you can turn away from his pleading eyes, but that voice of his will get to you. The voice that has always been able to get you to do anything he asks, that would throw you off your game, right?" Ruby stared at him smugly.

"Alright, you made your point, Wicked Witch of the East, but I want you to be …" Dean was ready to hit Ruby when she interrupted again.

"I know I will **gently** gag him, promise!" Ruby rolled her eyes and huffed.

"You better not hurt him!" Dean responded.

Ruby turned around from her corner in the passenger seat of the Impala to face Dean. "So we secure Sam, then secure the demon. Play good cop- bad cop. And head out. I'll go after the other demons and you get Sam to somewhere safe."

"Sounds about right. And since the apartment has been quiet, hopefully we'll be able to pull this off without any company. So we give it another hour and charge into the apartment?" Dean wished they could just go now, but knew they needed it to be late enough not to attract attention.

"Yeah, hopefully it'll go down without a hitch." Ruby said as she turned back around.

-0-

The evening had passed pretty well. Jess was still kicking herself for moving to quickly for Sam. It was hard though because he was the boy king, so powerful and attractive, but she should've known that Sam would need sometime before he totally opened up to her. He was the caring and sharing type, and getting in his pants was **not **going to win her any brownie points.

They had had a nice dinner and were watching a movie, when she noticed Sam was drifting off.

"Baby, why don't we head to bed? You're looking tired." Jess gave him her best concerned look.

Sam yawned and nodded. "Yeah, I'm beat." He slowly rose from the couch and walked stiffly back to the bedroom.

Jess hated that the drugs were still taking a toll on Sam's body. She hoped that he would gain his strength back soon, so that he would be ready for his conversion.

She followed Sam to bed and looked forward to a quiet night.

Sam had drifted off and Jess had cuddled up to him, when there was a loud noise at the front door. She quickly jumped up from the bed and headed towards the living room.

There standing in the middle of the room was Ruby, and wasn't that a bitch.

-0-

Sam was brought out of sleep by a loud noise and then, he felt Jess leave the bed. "Jess, wait."

Sam struggled to get up off the bed, cursing his weakened state. As he approached the living room, Jess was yelling at another blond woman and there was a man standing in the doorway behind her. Both had weapons pointed at Jess.

The blond pointed the gun at Sam while the man approached Jess with the knife. Sam tried to grab Jess and pull her away but the blond was on him quickly and she took him to the ground.

The blond spoke. "Okay Sam, stay put and nobody gets hurt."

Sam couldn't understand why this woman knew his name, and then he got a good look at the male who had now wrestled Jess into his arms and held a knife at her throat.

"D-Dean?" Sam's voice was shaky as he tried to make sense of the scene in front of him. His dead brother, whom he had only sketchy memories of, was holding a knife to his girlfriend. How was this possible?

"Sammy, I know this is hard to understand, but do as you're told and everything will be okay." Dean spoke in a calm voice with a look of concern which confused Sam even more.

Jess looked at him with eyes wide with fear. "Sam this isn't your brother, it's someone who wants to hurt us."

Sam watched as Dean's expression turned deadly. "Shut up bitch, or I'll end it now. You know Ruby's knife will kill you."

Sam started to stand. "No, don't hurt her." In a rush of adrenaline Sam leapt up from his spot on the floor with the intention of grabbing the blond's gun, but the quick rise from the floor gave him a head rush. Sam missed his target, and felt his right arm pulled behind him in a tight grip. The blond had a hold of him and was far stronger than she looked. That or he was still suffering so much from the head injury he was rendered almost an invalid. She moved him over to the kitchen area.

Pulling out a kitchen chair she forced Sam into it. "Sit down Sam and do as we say and no one will get hurt."

Sam felt like he had little choice so he sat down. The girl that Dean had referred to as Ruby, grabbed his hands and cuffed them behind him. She then took a rope and secured each ankle to the chair.

"Open up Sammy." Sam did as he was told and a gag was placed into his mouth. The whole time he kept his eyes glued to Jess, willing that they wouldn't hurt her.

Sam watched as Dean handed Jess over to Ruby along with the knife. He then pulled out a can of paint and moved to the hardwood floor of the kitchen and started painting weird symbols there. Once done he sat a chair in the middle and Ruby handed Jess back over and Dean placed her in the chair. Securing her there.

Sam was frightened and was beginning to think that Jess was right, that this Dean was not his brother. Why would his brother be doing such a thing?

Dean stood looking down at Jess and spoke. "Okay, now the fun begins!"

**A/N: **Thanks for reading. I want to thank all of you who have left me such wonderful reviews- they have made my week! Oh and a big thanks to Floralia and Sendintheclowns who have been so supportive. I really needed that support this week when my old computer finally died!


	4. Chapter 4

I Remember You

Chapter Four

Dean had the demon bitch right where he wanted her, but every time he looked at Sam his stomach knotted. Sam was terrified. It pained Dean to see him in that state and the fact that he was the cause was almost unbearable.

Luckily "Jess", didn't look exactly like the real Jess. Dean knew that if she had it would have been near impossible to carry out the task at hand.

The imposter was doing her best damsel in distress which Dean knew was killing Sam. He would've gagged her but they needed information from the demon bitch before sending her back to hell.

"Okay bitch, enough with the 'save me' and 'this isn't your brother crap'. Here's the deal, we have you and there is no getting away, but you do have a choice. You could answer my questions…."

Before Dean could finish the demon spat out, "Go to hell, I'm not telling you anything. You and Ruby better get out of here before my friends show."

"Yeah, well you see we did a stake out and your so called friends are nowhere to be found. So as I was saying, you could answer a few questions before your trip to hell or I could throw some holy water on you and then Ruby could stick you with her knife and it would be over. Forever over, no coming back. Your choice." Dean smirked at the furious look that Jess was giving him.

Ruby walked over playing with her knife. "You know Deano, I say we just kill the bitch. I have enough contacts to figure out what they did to Sam. Killing would be so much more satisfying!"

Dean had to give Ruby some respect, the other demon was truly afraid of her. He could see it in her eyes, so he moved in, ignoring his brother struggling in the corner.

"So what will it be Jess? A few questions and a quick trip, or a date with Ruby here?" Dean was now right in front of the imposter.

"Fine, what do you want to know?" Jess huffed out.

"What plans did you have for Sam?" Dean asked glaring at the she demon.

"Our group wants control and we thought if we could gain Sam's trust then we could over time convert him and make him our leader. With him, our demon group would've been unstoppable." Jess spat out and smirked at Sam.

Dean watched as his brothers eyes went wide with confusion.

"What did you do to my brother to rob him of his memory?" Dean asked trying to control his anger so that he didn't hit the demon before he got his answers.

"Well, I don't know all the details, but I can tell you what I know. He did receive a blow to the head that knocked him out when he was kidnapped. Once he awoke, the leader of our group performed some sort of spell on him that erased his memory and then they pumped him with drugs that would weaken him. That way he would buy the story of being in a coma for awhile. We planted a few vague memories of Jess. Oh and then we planted a fake memory of a crash that took your life and John's life, leading him to believe that all he had left was Jess. Poor little orphan Sammy, and I was there to pick up the pieces, what a fun job that was." Jess ran her tongue seductively over her lips.

"Shut up bitch!" Dean could stop himself he slapped Jess hard across the face.

"Oh baby, you like it rough?" She purred back as she licked the blood away.

Ruby stepped forward. "Dean I hate to interrupt the kink fest, but I think she's done and I'm tired of hearing her voice."

"I hate to be in agreement with Ruby, but she's right. Talk time is over, time to go bye- bye. " Dean turned towards Ruby. "Hey Broom- Hilda, you better head out before I send two she demons to hell."

"Only in your dreams!" Ruby replied as she skipped out of the room.

-0-

Sam was terrified and confused. Things were happening so fast. One minute he was snuggling up with the supposed love of his life and the next he was bound and gagged in a chair.

Jess was struggling from her chair where she was bound and begging for her life. Calling for Sam. It was killing him that he was helpless and that his supposed brother was going to harm them.

Things changed though once his brother spoke to Jess. Her demeanor changed. She was no longer the frightened girl he supposedly loved begging for her life, instead she was cocky and verbally assaulting Dean.

There was talk of demons and then Jess started explaining her plans for him. It cut Sam to the quick. He didn't know what to think anymore. When she was done laying out her plans for him, Dean had told Ruby to leave. Once she was gone Dean started reciting from a book.

It was another language. Latin, it felt weird knowing that the language being spoken was Latin but he couldn't remember anything about himself.

The scene in front of him was just like the movie The Exorcism, minus the vomit.

Sam couldn't believe his ears as the girl who had been so kind to him spat horrible things out at Dean about seeing him in hell and what she would do to him there.

Finally the girl's mouth opened wide and a cloud of black smoke poured out of her. It headed straight below. Sam could only imagine it was the "demon" going to hell.

Jess went limp in the chair and Dean moved forward and placed a hand to the pulse point on her neck. He then looked over at Sam.

"Hey Sam, I know you're confused and I want to explain things and get you untied but the girl that the demon possessed is still alive and I need to help her okay?" Dean's voice was kind and full of concern, so different from a few minutes earlier.

Sam nodded at him that he understood and watched as Dean quickly untied the girl and gently laid her out on the floor. He gently tapped Jess's cheeks and Sam could tell his brother was relieved when the she opened her eyes.

In a very quiet voice the girl spoke. "Thank you. That thing has been in possession of my body for two months."

Dean nodded. "It's over now. Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm really tired, but I'll be okay. I just can't believe that she changed my face." The girl ran a hand over her face and winced as she touched a bruise.

Dean winced too. "I'm so sorry, I hit you."

Jess smiled and started to sit up. "No need to be sorry, you saved me. I'm okay, why don't you go help your brother."

Dean quickly stood and headed towards Sam. "Sammy, I'll have you free in just a minute."

Sam nodded but couldn't stop himself from flinching when Dean touched the back of his head trying to remove the gag.

He felt Dean stop and tensed behind him. "I won't hurt you, I'd never hurt you Sam. I promise."

Sam nodded and kept his body still as Dean worked to free him. It was hard to not jump out of the chair as soon as he was free. His initial instinct was to flee but he didn't have anywhere to go.

Dean must have sensed Sam's unease because he slowly backed away. "Sam it'll be okay."

Jess slowly rose from the floor and deposited herself back in the chair. She gave Sam a sympathetic smile.

Sam returned the smile not sure what to say. Jess cleared her throat and spoke. "Sam, I'm so sorry. That thing was in control of my body for two months, and during that time she had plastic surgery so I would look more like your Jess. Everything that she said is true. For some reason these demons had plans for you, I'm just glad that your brother was able to save both of us."

Sam nodded. "I'm sorry that you were a victim in all this because of me."

Dean sat on the edge of the couch and spoke. "You're both victims and it's not either of your faults. So I guess Jess isn't your name huh?"

Jess shook her head. "No, it's Stacy. And we're in Jericho? I need to get back to San Francisco."

Dean nodded and got up from his spot. He grabbed a purse off of the coffee table and opened it. In the wallet, there was id and credit cards. There was also a large amount of cash that Dean was counting out.

"Well Stacy, there's close to two thousand dollars in the wallet. I can drop you off at a bus station and this money should get you home safely." Dean then put the contents back in the purse and handed it to Stacy.

"Dean, I appreciate it, but I can call a cab. You need to see after Sam, and I'm assuming we need to get out of here in case Jess's friends show up?"

"Yeah, we should head out. Both of you need to change clothes and then we can leave." Dean then settled on the couch.

Stacy smiled at Sam. "Sam why don't you go change while I call the cab, and then I'll change."

"Sure." Sam replied as he headed for the bedroom.

A few minutes later Sam and Stacy were dressed, packed and ready to go.

Sam had forgotten about Ruby until they exited the apartment and came face to face with the feisty blonde.

"So we got Sammy back and the girl is okay, huh? " Ruby asked as the three exited the apartment.

Dean smirked. "Yeah, things went fine. So now why don't you make yourself useful and see if you can track down the bitch's friends."

"Sure thing boss man! See ya around Sammy." Ruby winked at Sam and headed away from the little group.

Sam was happy to see her go.

The three stood in uncomfortable silence until the cab arrived.

"Dean, thanks again for all your help. I'll keep your cell phone number, but hopefully I won't need it."

Sam figured they must have exchanged information while he was changing.

"Take care Stacy." Dean replied.

Stacy then turned to face Sam. "Sam I know you don't remember your brother, but I have a feeling it will all work out for you. I hope you get your memories back soon."

Sam nodded and gave a quick smile. "I hope everything works out for you too."

Stacy grabbed her belongings and headed for the cab. Sam dreaded seeing her go. It was not like he knew her, but he definitely felt more comfortable with her than he did with Dean.

Sam swallowed hard as he realized that he was now alone with a brother who he didn't know and, if he was honest with himself, he feared.

**A/N: **Thanks so much for reading and a big thanks to those who took time to leave me a review- it's always very appreciated. More soon!


	5. Chapter 5

I Remember You

Chapter Five

Dean watched Stacy leave and was relieved that things went down as smoothly as they could.

Turning to face his brother, he visually looked Sam over. The boy was tense and pale. Sam's eyes had always been the window to his soul and Dean could tell that right now the boy was in emotional turmoil. Confusion and fear were clearly painted on his face.

Putting on his best disarming smile, Dean spoke. "So let's blow this popsicle stand before more of the bad guys show up, okay?"

Sam nodded in agreement and pointed out into the parking lot. "Uh, that black car is yours, right?"

Dean's heart skipped a beat. Maybe this memory loss thing was temporary. He felt his smile grow as he replied. "Yeah, that's my baby. Do you remember it?"

Sam picked his duffel bag up off the ground and avoided eye contact. "I -I don't remember it. That car was in the dream I had where you and Dad died. It was hit by a semi. You and Dad died. That's how I recognized you earlier but I don't have any memories."

Dean's face fell along with his optimism that Sam's memory loss was temporary. "Oh, well that makes sense, the demon did say they planted memories. If you're ready though we should go and get in the car."

"Yeah, uh can I ask where we're going?" Sam asked and gave Dean an unsure look.

"Well, we need to get away from here, so I thought we'd drive as far as we feel up too and then get a motel room. Once you and I have had some rest and food, we can make plans." Dean gave Sam a reassuring smile.

Sam gave a small smile back. "Um, okay"

The two walked in quiet to the Impala. Dean unlocked the car for Sam and dug around in his front pocket. Sam's cell phone had taken up residence there since he had disappeared leaving it behind.

"Here's your cell phone Sam." Dean handed it to Sam.

Sam took it with a puzzled look on his face and reached into his back jeans pocket and pulled out another phone.

"I thought this was my phone." Sam held the other phone out for Dean to see.

Without putting much thought into his actions, Dean grabbed the other phone and threw it violently to the ground crunching it under his boot. When he looked up, Sam was staring at him with wide fearful eyes.

Dean quickly put his hands out in a placating manor as his brother backed up. "Sam, dude I'm sorry but that phone was given to you by the demon chick and the other demons could have used the GPS on it to track you."

The tension in Sam's shoulders lessened a bit. "Okay, I just didn't know what you were doing." Sam's brow creased in thought. "Do you think it's okay to keep the clothes that they gave me, and the wallet?"

Dean cleared his throat. "Uh, tell you what, let me go through them real quick and then we'll be on our way." Sam tentatively held the duffel out for Dean. He took it and placed it on top of the trunk. A quick but thorough look showed that the duffel was harmless.

"Well Sam, you have clothes in the trunk, but I don't see any reason why you couldn't keep these. They're clean of anything that could be a danger. Can I see your wallet?" Dean held his hand out and watched Sam dig around in his other back pocket. He first pulled out a money clip.

Sam gave Dean an unsure look. "Is this clip mine?"

Dean took it and nodded. "Yeah, the real Jess gave it to you." The gold clip sparkled in the night, and Dean couldn't help but notice the large amount of bills in it. "Do you mind if I count the money?"

Sam shook his head no and Dean pulled the money free and counted. "Damn Sam, there is almost five hundred here. So at least you're coming away from the ordeal with new clothes and money."

He handed the clip back as Sam handed him his wallet. It was Sam's wallet and as Dean looked through it, everything seemed to be in order. All of Sam's fake id and credit cards were missing, but that was to be expected. He was sure the demons didn't want to explain them to Sam.

In a way Dean was glad, he really didn't want to discuss that part of their life with Sam at the moment.

"It's your wallet dude, and it has a few bills in it to, so you're doing good." Dean quickly handed it back to Sam and grabbed the duffel off the trunk and threw it in the back of the car.

"Ready?" Dean asked as lightly as he could, but he really wanted to throw Sam in the car and to tear out of there before any uninvited guests showed.

"Yeah." Sam replied as he slowly got in the car.

-0-

Sam's stomach was in knots. The night's events were playing on a loop in his head as he sat in the passenger side of the Impala.

Waking up in the hospital without a memory had been bad. It had turned his life into an unknown mess, but he was starting to make sense of it when his brother burst back into his life, literally.

Sam had many troubling thoughts. Demons are real? How? He had trouble ignoring the evidence of the night's events that pointed to the fact that yes, demons exist. Not only do they exist, but for some reason they're interested in him. Why?

Sam shot his brother a quick glance. Dean was a puzzle to him. He was so at home with the whole demon thing, and saving Sam from them. In fact, seemed to take pleasure in taking demons down.

The way Dean attacked the demon as well as his phone scared Sam. The man was dangerous, that was clear. He just hoped that he would never make Dean angry at him.

Sam did get a sense that his brother cared about him. He tried to take comfort in that, but it was hard. It was hard to let his guard down and if he was honest with himself- he still wanted to flee. But to where?

He had so many questions, but was afraid to ask them. The silence was heavy and oppressive between him and his brother and he could tell that Dean was uneasy too.

Not sure what to do, he decided to put his fears aside and ask a few questions that were weighing on him.

"Dean?" He had to smile when his brother jumped a bit. At least he wasn't the only one that was unsure of the whole situation

Dean turned and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah?"

"Uh, so the whole car accident thing that I dreamed, was made up? You and Dad are both alive?" Sam watched as Dean winced a bit at the mention of their dad.

"Sam, that accident did happen. Uh, and Dad died from complications from the crash. It was over a year ago though." Dean swallowed hard and turned back to look at the road.

Sam nodded, feeling numb. He could see the devastation on Dean's face and he wished that he could share in that- wished that he could feel something. His dad was dead, and he only had the distorted memory of the man's death to hold on too.

"Sorry Dean, I didn't mean to bring back bad memories." Sam shifted around in the car and tried to get comfortable. His head was killing him, his stomach was tight, and he ached all over.

"Not a problem Sam, really. You lost all your memories, so you're bound to have lots of questions. I know you don't remember our life but I do, and dude, you wouldn't be Sam if you didn't ask a lot of questions. That's part of who you are. So, I'll answer them the best I can." Dean glanced over at Sam and smiled.

Sam smiled back. There was one other question that he really wanted to ask. "Uh Dean, you mentioned that the real Jess gave me the money clip. Do I need to call her?"

Sam knew the answer wouldn't be good by the look on Dean's face. "You fell in love with Jess while going to school at Stanford. In fact, you two lived together. There was a fire and she died."

Even though he had no memory of this event, it made Sam's breath catch. In a quiet voice he felt himself say. "Oh."

Dean placed a hand on his thigh and Sam flinched away. He could tell by Dean's expression he had hurt the older man's feelings, but this was all too much.

He watched his brother plant a fake smile on his face. "Sorry Sam, I keep forgetting that I'm a stranger to you. "

"I'm sorry too." Sam replied unable to return the smile.

"Um, why don't you try to sleep. You look exhausted, and I'll wake you when I find us a safe and decent place to stay, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Sam wasn't sure he could sleep, but faking sleep would be easier than finding out more tragic information about his life. So far, from what he could tell, Sam Winchester's life sucked. Maybe he didn't want to remember his life.

He slowly took his jacket off and balled it up as a makeshift pillow against the window and closed his eyes. To his surprise, he found his body relaxing to the gentle rumble of the car's engine.

-0-

Dean watched as Sam slowly drifted off to sleep. He was relieved that Sam gave in to his exhaustion. The boy needed rest and Dean needed a break from the questions. The questions that were too hard to answer.

How was he supposed to explain this life to Sam? Their lives sucked right now. Demons were after Sam, and Dean only had a limited time left to protect him.

Dean had decided that the best course of action was to take Sam to Bobby's place. The boy would be relatively safe there. Once there, they would have to search for a cure. Time was definitely not on their side. Life had been complicated enough and now, well now he had lost his brother.

Part of Dean had been relieved when the demon had said that the memory loss had been caused by a spell. Spells can be broken, but damn- they could also be impossible to break. Still it was better that the memory loss was caused by a spell and not brain damage.

The part that was killing Dean the most was that Sam was afraid of him. He wanted to erase the night's events from Sam's mind. He knew that bursting in like he had and taking the demon down had shaken Sam.

On top of that, Dean had gone ballistic on Sam's phone. The look on the poor boy's face would have been comical if it had been** his** Sam, but it wasn't his Sam. This Sam had tensed and backed away like Dean was dangerous. That hurt, a lot.

Dean realized how much Sam was at unease when he had tried to comfort him over the news of what had happened to the real Jess. Had they not been in a moving car, he was sure the boy would have bolted.

Sam was afraid, and Dean couldn't blame him. He was too, but he was also determined. If it was the last thing he did, he would get Sam's life back in order for him.


	6. Chapter 6

I Remember You

**A/N: **In a dream sequence, I use bold type to show what the dreamer is viewing- hopefully that does not confuse anyone!

**Warning: **There is a pretty brutal scene in this chapter that includes violence and cursing. As you read it, I want you to keep in mind that Sam's mind has been tampered with by the demons. His dream about the accident was distorted and I'm caring on a theme here.

Chapter 6

Dean had driven in silence, glad to keep his music off so that his little brother could get some much needed rest. As he drove he tried to come up with a workable plan for how to best take care of Sam.

After an hour of playing with what to do, he decided that going to Bobby's place was probably the best option. Bobby could help him watch out for the kid and maybe find a reversal spell to help Sam.

Plus, his Sam felt comfortable at Bobby's and he hoped that amnesia Sam would too.

Now he would just have to convince his brother that going to Bobby's house was the best option. Dean sighed; life had become way too complicated this year.

Dean had driven until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, especially without his beloved music, so he started looking for the best place to stop. He decided on a Super 8, so that they would be guaranteed at least a comfortable room. Sam needed that.

Sam remained asleep when Dean stopped the car, and Dean didn't want to leave the kid alone so he decided to wake him. Keeping his voice as quiet as he could he lightly shook Sam.

"Hey Sammy, wake up for me kiddo."

Sam immediately flinched away from Dean's touch. In fact the kid plastered himself to the passenger door until he woke up a bit more. He then gave Dean a weak smile.

"Sorry Dean." Came out in a quiet voice.

It hurt Dean a lot to have his brother so uneasy with him, but he knew it wasn't the kids fault. He swallowed his hurt and forced a smile on his face.

"No problem kiddo, you've been through a lot. I thought we would get a room here at the Super 8. Do you want to go in with me or would you rather wait in the car?" Dean tried to keep his tone light.

"Uh, I'll wait here and wake up some more." Sam replied as he started to stretch.

"Sure, be back in a minute." Dean reluctantly left his brother in the car. After the latest demon scare, it was hard to leave his brother alone.

-0-

Sam watched the man that was his unremembered brother walk to the motel office. He hated the uneasy vibe that was lying heavy between them.

He knew that his behavior was hurting Dean, but it was something he couldn't control. He had witnessed Dean wild and out of control so it was hard to not be afraid of the man. His poor phone was a testament to how violent his older sibling could be.

Sam was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped when Dean re-entered the car. Dean gave him a reassuring smile and started the car.

They drove to the far side of the motel and Dean got out. Sam slowly followed.

"So Dean, which room is mine?" Sam asked as he reached into the back seat pulling out his bag. When he looked back up he noticed a sheepish look on Dean's face.

"Uh Sammy, we always room together with separate beds, so I got one room. I can go back and get you a separate room if you'd like?" Dean was now avoiding eye contact.

Sam wanted to tell Dean that yes, he needed his own room. But he realized that he needed to suck up his fears and get to know his brother.

"Nah, it's fine Dean. After the demon thing, it will be nice to have company." Sam gave Dean a smile as his brother raised his head with a smile of his own.

"Yeah, we probably should stick together with the threat of demons out there." Dean opened the trunk and grabbed his own bag and then paused. "Hey Sammy, your bag is in here, wouldn't you rather have it than the one the demon packed for you?"

"Uh sure Dean, why don't I take both in. To be honest, I'm not sure what's in either bag." Sam sighed and took the other bag from Dean. In Sam's mind, clothes were clothes but if it was important to Dean for him to have his stuff then he'd do that.

Sam followed Dean into the room and watched as Dean claimed the bed next to the door. It was such an automatic thing and Sam figured it must be habit.

"So you like the bed by the door?" Sam asked in passing as he settled on the other bed.

"Well, yeah. I don't always take that bed, but when we were younger I always did to protect you. If anyone broke in they had to get through me to get to you."

Sam could tell by Dean's expression that he was lost in past memories. For a moment, Sam was jealous that Dean had memories of their past and he didn't but then he realized the oddity of his brother's comment.

"So, we stayed at motels a lot as kids? Did Dad have to travel as part of his job?" Sam watched his brother tense up at the mention of their dad.

"Yeah, he did Sammy. Our lives have always been complicated, and I promise to share details, but I'm bushed right now." Dean threw himself down on the bed and Sam figured it was for dramatic effect.

"You called me Sammy. Do people call me that?" Sam couldn't imagine liking that nickname as an adult.

"I'm the only one allowed to call you that, and that's because I have since we were kids. Kind of a grandfather clause thing." Dean said with a smile.

"Good, cause I don't think I'd like everyone calling me that. It's too childish for me." Sam shrugged and stood up. "Dean, I know you said you were beat, but I'm kind of hungry. Want me to run and get some food?" Sam watched his brother frown at him.

"I could eat Sammy, but why don't we just order in? I just got you back after you going missing for a week and I'm not keen on letting you out of my sight. Not with the demons out there looking for you." Dean sat up from his spot on the bed and grabbed a phone book off the night stand next to the bed.

Sam plopped back down frustrated. He was starting to feel smothered by Dean. Well, more than that, part of him felt like a prisoner or at the very least not trusted.

Dean looked up from the phone book. "So what do you feel like Sam?"

"Whatever. Don't care." Sam's tone was flat and he knew that he was pouting but couldn't help it.

Dean chuckled from the other bed.

Sam glared. "What?"

Dean smiled brightly at him. "It's just that even if you can't remember who you are, you sure remember how to use your patented bitch face on me. Dude, if you really wanted to go out all you had to do was say something. I noticed a diner as we pulled in about a block away. We could walk there, getting some air could do us both some good."

Sam couldn't help but to smile back. "Yeah some fresh air sounds good. "

-0-

Dean was happy when they returned from the dinner. Sam definitely seemed more at ease and had even eaten a sandwich and salad.

The walk back to the motel had been in silence and Dean could tell that Sam was still feeling the effects of the drugs the demons had given him. Sam's movements were sluggish and he was a bit pale.

Once they were back in the motel room, Dean broke the silence.

"Hey dude, you wanna shower before we head to bed?" Dean plopped down on his bed and started removing his boots.

"Nah, I'm really starting to feel tired again." Sam started unzipping his duffel.

"Yeah, I'm with you. A shower can wait until tomorrow." Dean stood and unzipped his jeans and was in the middle of pulling them off when he caught Sam's shocked appearance. Damn, so much for sleeping in his boxers and a t-shirt.

Sam quickly looked away and back at his duffel in embarrassment.

"Sam, I'm sorry dude. I keep forgetting that I'm a stranger to you. I just usually sleep in my boxers and a t-shirt. Now you, always put on PJ bottoms and a t-shirt unless it's really hot out. But I do own PJ bottoms, so I'll just grab them." Dean could see the relief in his geeky brother's face.

"Thanks Dean, I'm sorry that…"

"Dude, it's cool. We'll get this all figured out." Dean dug out his lone pair of PJ pants and quickly put them on.

"Do you mind if I take the bathroom first to get ready for bed?" The question was so unusual for his Sam. His Sam would have hot tailed it into the bathroom first if he wanted too. Dean never thought he would miss his punk little brother's quirks so much.

"Sure Sam, take your time." Dean replied and tried to give a reassuring smile to his once again ill at ease little brother.

Sam smiled weakly and grabbed his duffel before heading into the bathroom.

It hadn't taken them long to get ready for bed and even less time to fall asleep. Dean had waited until he could hear deep breathing coming from the other bed though, before he let himself succumb to slumber.

-0-

_Sam was once again a spectator in his head. It was a vivid dream, just like the others that he had had recently of Jess and his family. He watched a teen version of himself sitting in a chair. A younger but adult Dean and his father were in the room with him. There was yelling. His younger self was cowering under the thunderous assault of his elders. It took Sam a moment to understand what was being said._

_**John was holding court, with Dean next to him. "Sam, what you did today was inexcusable. Because of lack of focus, your brother was almost killed. How many times do I have to tell you that when we're on a hunt, there is only the hunt and nothing else. You must single mindedly focus on only the hunt. You know that you need to be punished and I feel that since Dean was the one who almost died today, he should have the honors of inflicting that punishment. Do you understand?" **_

_The anger in his father's face took Sam's breath away and he could see that his younger self was terrified._

"_**Yes Sir." His younger self replied for the first time making eye contact.**_

_**John nodded. "Fine, I'll be back later." He grabbed his jacket and quickly left the room slamming the door behind him.**_

_Sam focused on this younger dream version of his brother, and it made his stomach turn. The same hatred that Sam had seen in his brother's face when facing off against the demon was there. Staring his younger self down._

"_**So s-sorry Dean." It was a small and timid voice coming from young Sam.**_

"_**Don't speak to me. Don't look at me. Just get up and walk over to the table." Dean's voice was low and deadly.**_

_**The younger Sam swallowed hard and slowly walked to the small dining table in the motel room.**_

"_**I want you to take your belt off and give it to me." Dean had moved himself directly behind young Sam.**_

_Sam watched as the young boy's trembling hands worked on his belt until it was off and then turned slightly offering it to Dean. Dean jerked it from the boy's hand._

"_**Now, take off your jeans and boxers and then I want you to bend over using the table to brace yourself. I will let you know when I'm about to start. You are getting ten licks and if you cry out during your punishment I will double the number. No talking, do you understand?" Dean had leaned over and was growling his words into his sibling's right ear. The young boy nodded.**_

_Sam desperately wanted to wake, but couldn't and was doomed to watch his younger self punished by a brother that now terrified him._

"_**I hope you learn your lesson tonight Sam. You're such a freaking failure, a disgrace to this family. I can't believe mom died saving your sorry ass. I wish the demon had killed you instead of her. You're weak and some day you'll get one of us killed. I just hope it's you. God I hate you!" **_

_Sam was horrified by the rancid hate filled words that poured out of his brother's mouth. He watched as his younger self stood shaking in place as silent tears fell._

"_**It's coming Sam- and expect it hard. You little piece of shit!" The elder Winchester raised the belt and the strike made the younger male arch forward, but he still managed to hold his ground.**_

_The sound of the belt made Sam flinch and the angry red mark made him sick._

_-0-_

Dean had been dead to the world, but even exhausted his big brother radar was still on. He awoke to the sounds of his younger brother moaning in his sleep. Dean wiped the sleep from his eyes and slowly sat up in bed.

He wanted to get a feeling for how bad a dream his brother was having- hoping that the younger man would settle back down on his own.

As he listened and watched, Sam started to toss and turn and the moaning got worse.

The word "no" became his little brother's mantra. Dean was reminded of the horrible dreams that a grief stricken Sam had suffered when Jess died. He then remembered that Sammy had mentioned that he had dreamed the death of their Dad and himself. Damn demons, and warped planted memories.

Dean approached the bed, and gently started to try to wake his sibling. In his brother's new state of mind, he was afraid of spooking him.

"C'mon on kiddo, wake up for me." Dean said in a soothing voice as he gently shook his brother.

Dean's actions were rewarded when Sam's eyes opened. The boy's eyes made contact with him and filled with pure terror. Sam immediately began clawing his way out of Dean's grip. In his rush to get away, his long legged sibling fell head first on the floor.

The fall didn't stop Sam's scramble to get away. He crawled away and moved forward towards the motel door in a bid for escape. Dean was afraid of Sam running blindly into the night and put himself in front of Sam and the door.

Defeat was apparent on Sam's face and instead of making a break for it, his brother crawled into the furthest corner. The boy then tried to disappear into a small ball, rocking back and forth.

Dean had to strain to hear his brother, but he made out , "Don't hurt me" as Sam started to sob.

It broke his heart, to witness his brother so broken. He was sure that the damn demons had planted a horrible untrue or distorted vision of their life together. The question now was, how was he going to reach his brother with the truth?

TBC

Thanks for reading more soon!


	7. Chapter 7

I Remember You Chapter 7

Dean watched his brother continue to rock in the corner, softly sobbing. He realized that he needed to reach Sam. If Sam was his normal self, finding a way would be easy after all their time together.

But Sam was not his normal self, he was a scared, confused and a broken man.

Taking a deep breath, Dean decided to approach Sam like he would any scared civilian that had recently discovered the world of the supernatural.

In a soft voice he started talking to Sam. "Sam, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

Dean felt a bit of hope when Sam stopped rocking. Sam kept his face against his knees, and spoke in a muffled voice.

"I-I want to believe you but ….God this is too much. In the last week - God - **too** much."

Sam stopped speaking and started rocking again.

Dean felt his gut twist. At that moment, he would've done anything to take Sam's pain away. With that not being an option, he decided that getting his brother to talk might help.

"Sam, I can't begin to imagine what you've been going through. Waking up in a hospital alone, and having no memories. That's bad enough, but throw in a demon possessed fake girlfriend and false memories that were planted in your head against your will….well that just plan sucks and would break most people. But you're a Winchester, and so far you've been so strong. I'm really proud of you Sammy." Dean kept his voice soft and easy. It was relief to see Sam once again stop his rocking.

"Dean, I'm not strong. I'm scared." Sam looked up eyes streaked with tears and confusion.

"Sam it's only normal that you'd be afraid. I'm sorry that I've contributed to that fear. Hell, your first encounter with me was far from perfect. I busted into your apartment with guns a blazing and then Ruby and I tie you up. Throw in the assault on your phone, and I can see why you're uneasy around me." Dean gave Sam a reassuring smile.

Sam didn't return it but nodded. "Yeah, it's a lot to take in. I appreciated you saving me and that girl from the demon. I'm just …confused."

Dean slowly lowered himself to the floor in front of Sam. "It **is** a lot to take in. I'm assuming that earlier you were having one heck of a nightmare. I'm sorry that I scared you. It's just my big brother instinct to wake you when you're having a bad dream. You've had them most of your life and it was just an automatic response. I keep forgetting that you don't know me."

Sam's eyes went wide with fear at the mention of the dream. "It was bad.. sorry that I freaked out on you."

Dean cleared his throat and spoke. "Uh, was the dream about me? I know that the demon said that they planted memories in your head to make it easy to convert you, so …"

Before he could finish Sam started to speak. "Yeah, it was like the other dreams that were planted in my head. I have been a spectator in all of them. I was watching my teenage self in this dream interact with you and Dad." Sam eyes filled with tears as he spoke.

"Sammy, you don't have to talk about it now if you don't want too." Dean wanted to cross the distance between them and give his brother physical comfort but knew that it was not an option.

"No, I want to … I want to know if any of the dream was true. It seemed so real but so did the others." Sam took a deep breath and continued. "We were in a motel room, and I was sitting in a chair. You and Dad were yelling… and then I could hear what was being said. Dad said that I had screwed up, and almost got you killed. That I needed to be punished and since you were the one who almost died, he was going to let you punish me, and then he left."

Dean didn't want to hear anymore, his stomach twisted in fear over what was still to come from his brother's memories of the dream. Sam had started rocking again as he spoke, and had stopped speaking looking at Dean for an answer.

"Sam, our dad was strict and on rare occasions he did put the responsibility of punishment in my hands but it was rare. Can you tell me a bit more? Then I can tell you whether what you dreamed was real or not." Dean shifted uncomfortably and waited for Sam to continue.

Sam swallowed hard as he continued to rock. "In the dream, Dad left. Slammed the door, and it was just us. You told me to stand up and to walk over to the kitchen table that was in the motel room. My back was to you and you told me to remove my belt. I did, and then… you had me remove all my clothes from the waist down. "

Dean couldn't stand it anymore. "Sammy, it didn't happen. Dad was strict yeah and when we were little kids he would spank us with his hand but never… God never like that. When we were teens, small offenses meant no TV for a week or laundry detail. If it was something that he wanted us to think about he would have us run laps or do sit ups. They sucked but he never-** I **never spanked you."

Sam's tears were flowing again, but the rocking had stopped. He wiped the tears away with his sleeve and spoke. "Watching the spanking was bad, but the look on your face was …. it reminded me of the anger you showed towards that demon and the things you said…"

Dean felt like he had taken a punch to the gut. Anger at the demons who did this to Sam quickly rose in him and he fought to keep it down, not wanting to scare Sam with it.

"God, I'm so sorry Sammy. You know it was lies right?" Dean's voice was husky with emotion.

"I'm learning that. In my dream, you said that I killed our mom…. but how?" Sam face was full of confusion but the tears had slowed.

"Sam you didn't kill our mom. A demon killed our mom. She died in your nursery trying to protect you. And Sammy, I have never said anything like that or thought anything like that. You have to believe me." Dean could see that Sam was pondering what had been said.

"I want to believe you Dean. I need to believe you. But in order to do that, I need you to tell me about our life." Sam's face was set in determination.

"Sure, I'll do that Sam but let's try and get some sleep …" But before Dean could continue Sam interrupted.

"No now. I won't be able to sleep until I have answers."

Dean nodded. He wasn't sure how much he could share without it getting to messy but the kid at least deserved to know the basic facts about his life.

-0-

Sam was feeling a bit more in control. This week had been a literal hell and waking from his nightmare with the cause of his nightmare touching him had sent Sam over the edge.

Listening to his brother remind him of the demon admitting to planting fake memories, had helped to bring things back into perspective. He was still a bit wary of his brother, but no longer as fearful.

He had meant what he said about needing Dean to reveal his past in order for him to trust and to believe his brother.

Said brother was now shifting around uncomfortably. He finally spoke. "I guess I need to start at the beginning. This is going to be one wild tale so I need you to be open minded."

Sam couldn't help but grin. "Uh, well once you've been exposed to the world of demons and actual exorcisms one tends to become more opened minded."

Dean smiled back and nodded. "Yeah, that would be an eye opener. The other thing is I'm going to give you the cliff notes version right now, but if you have any questions now or later, I'll do my best to answer them."

"Sounds fair." Sam finally unwrapped from his tight ball and stretched out.

"Well, we were born in Lawrence, Kansas. Our family was pretty normal. Mom stayed at home. Dad was an ex-marine that co-owned a garage in town. But on your six month birthday that all changed." Dean paused and Sam could see that the events he was recalling still had an emotional impact on him.

Sam shifted uncomfortably not looking forward to what his brother had to tell him. "Was it a demon?"

Dean flinched. "Yeah, a demon was in your nursery. He attacked Mom and left. Dad found Mom on the ceiling with her stomach split open and then fire erupted in the room. He handed you to me and told me to get you out of the house. Dad wasn't able to save Mom and got out just as the house exploded into flames."

"How old were you?" Sam didn't think that there could be much age difference between the two of them.

"I was four." Dean said his voice raw with emotion.

"God that's horrible." Sam couldn't imagine the pain that Dean had to have felt that night.

"Yes it was. Over time, Dad found a psychic in Lawrence, her name is Missouri and while she didn't know what caused the fire she knew it was of supernatural origin and evil. It was then that Dad decided to start hunting whatever it was down and he killed any supernatural evil he found while on his quest to find Mom's killer." Dean eyes were focused in a far away stare.

"There is other supernatural evil?" Sam was just wrapping his mind around the fact that demons were real and to hear that there was more evil out in the world was a terrifying thought.

"Yeah, pretty much all the lore you've heard is real. Vampire, werewolves, and spirits are all real." Dean's attention has shifted and he was staring at Sam.

Sam swallowed hard. "So our Dad hunted all of those things?"

Dean smiled. "And more. He was damned good at it. He raised us to be hunters. You were good at it, but it wasn't your passion like it was mine and Dad's. You ended up with a scholarship to Stanford. A full ride, and for awhile we split ways."

"And this is when I met the real Jess?" Sam noticed that his brother's body had become tense.

"Yeah, you fell in love with her. She was beautiful and smart." Dean gave Sam a sad smile.

"But she died in a fire, was that demon related?" Sam tensed up wanting the answer to be no, but feeling in his gut that the answer would be yes.

"Yeah, she was killed by the same demon that killed Mom. Dad had gone missing on a hunt and I came and got you so we could look for him. When we got back, you found Jess on the ceiling above your bed just like Mom and then she burst into flames. I was able to get you out before the fire took you." Dean's eyes were welling up with unshed tears.

Sam felt himself fighting emotions. In one sense, he felt detached like he was hearing a story but this was **his** story and it made his stomach twist. "So what happened, did we find Dad?"

Dean nodded. "You joined me on the road and we went looking for Dad. He was on the trail of the demon who had killed Mom and Jess. He had these horrible yellow eyes, so we called him The Yellow Eyed Demon. In the end, once we reunited with Dad, we had a show down with the demon. We had a weapon that would kill the demon and he possessed Dad to get it. The demon almost killed me, but you shot Dad in the leg and it left Dad's body." Dean took a long deep breath.

"I shot Dad?" It was hard to comprehend such an action.

"Yeah, but you did it to save us. After that, we loaded into the car and that's when the crash happened. A possessed truck driver hit us with his truck. It nearly killed me. But Dad, he made a deal with the Yellow Eyed Demon, Dad traded the colt that could kill the demon and his soul in exchange for my life. Dad gave his soul so I could live." Tears were now flowing from Dean.

Sam wanted to comfort him, but just didn't feel comfortable enough to do that. Instead he offered words. "I'm sorry Dean."

Dean gave a small smile. "No need to be sorry Sammy, it was the demons fault for all of this not yours."

"But the demon was targeting me wasn't he? I mean for him to kill my mom and my girlfriend." Sam was a bit freaked at this thought.

"I won't lie to you Sammy, yeah the bastard was interested in you. He had a group of psychic kids all your age that he was interested in. We had met a few of them. The demon had plans for a demon army and he wanted one of his psychic kids to lead it." Dean had brushed away his tears and was staring intently at Sam.

"I'm psychic? How? Why?" This was too much. Sam felt the panic settling back in.

"Hey calm down Sammy. You had visions of things before they happened, but once we were able to kill the demon and the visions stopped." Dean's voice was reassuring.

"We killed the demon?" Sam was trying to stay calm but it was so much to take in.

"Yeah, the demon picked this kid Jake to open a Hell's Gate. We weren't able to stop the gate from opening and a lot of demons escaped. But on the bright side our dad's spirit escaped that night and helped us take the demon down. But now we have all these demons running around and some of them still think you might be useful as a leader. That's what got you into this mess." Dean's voice remained calm but Sam could see that recounting their lives had taken an emotional toll on his brother. He looked exhausted.

"Where is Dad's spirit now?" Sam could see that Dean was having trouble answering.

"He said goodbye and disappeared in a bright light."

Sam nodded. "So if we're hunters, we must be hunting the escaped demons down?" Sam wanted to be clear on what his present path had been before the memory loss.

"Yeah, we're hunting them down and taking down any other bad things we run into. Like I said Sam, this is the cliff notes version and if you have questions I'd be happy to answer them, but right now I'm wore out." Dean started to stand.

Sam joined him in getting off the hard floor. "Yeah, I'm with you. Thanks for letting me know about my past. I know it wasn't easy recalling the bad things that have happened. I can understand why you were reluctant to share before. So let's get some sleep and then what's our next move?" Sam knew he should let it go for the night, but his curiosity was getting the better of him.

Dean smiled. "That's my Sam, full of questions even when it's time to sleep. Well, if you're up for it, I thought we would visit a friend. Bobby Singer is a hunter and a family friend that we have known since childhood. I was hoping that by being in a place that was familiar it might help you regain your memories."

Sam nodded. "So we don't have a home?"

"Sure we do, that sleek, black, one of kind car parked outside has always been our home Sammy. We've move around a lot and spent most of our time in motels, so Bobby's house would be the closest thing to home besides the car." Dean was giving Sam an unsure look.

"Okay, then. Tomorrow we head to Bobby's house." Dean smiled at his response and Sam smiled back as he crawled into bed. Sleep took him shortly after.

-0-

Dean was lying in bed trying to sleep but his mind wouldn't shut off. He was feeling guilty. Guilty for avoiding the subject of his deal.

He should have told Sam. He should have told his brother that he traded his soul for Sam's life, but it was too hard to say. Tossing in bed, Dean finally convinced himself that he would let Sam process what he had told him tonight and in a few days he would tell him about the deal. Time, he just needed some time.

**A/N: **Thanks for all the lovely feedback! Thanks to my two wonderful beta's sendintheclowns and floralia who helped me in so many ways and continue to help me on this story!


	8. Chapter 8

I Remember You

**Warning- a bit of violence in this chapter.**

Chapter 8

Dean had awakened before Sam and decided to use the time to contact Bobby. It wasn't a call he we looking forward too, because he knew Bobby would be furious at him for not letting the older hunter know that he had Sam back.

Dean went out the front motel door to keep from disturbing Sam. He left it cracked so he could keep an eye on the kid.

"Bobby?"

"Dean, have you found Sam?" Bobby's voice was full of concern.

"Yeah, Ruby helped me locate Sam. We freed him last night…"

Dean was interrupted by one grumpy voice. "And you didn't think to call, boy? I've been worried sick."

"Sorry Bobby, but there were complications that I had to deal with."

"Is Sam okay?" Bobby's voice softened.

"Not exactly. The demons that had him, drugged him and performed some sort of ritual that took his memory. He's still weak from the drugs and pretty scared."

"Damn, I bet he is. Why were they messing with his mind?"

Dean cleared his throat, fighting the emotion that was threatening to choke him. "I think they thought if Sam forgot me, then they'd have a chance at converting him to their side. It was pretty awful Bobby. Poor kid woke up in a hospital with no memory. He was told he was in a car accident, and that he survived and me and Dad died. They told him that he had brain trauma and had been in a coma. The damn demons even had a look-a-like of his girlfriend, Jess there pretending to love and care about him."

"Man that's a hell of a head trip."

"Yeah, poor kid had a concussion from the kidnapping and then was drugged to the gills, so he's still a bit loopy. They had released him from the hospital when we found him. Ruby and I had to bust in and exorcise the demon from his look-a-like girlfriend. That was pretty rough."

"Ruby helped huh? Can't figure her out. So did the girl survive the exorcism?"

Dean glanced in the room at Sam and continued. "Yeah the girl survived which is good cause I think Sam would have fallen apart if she hadn't. To be honest, he's taken the whole demon thing pretty well. I'm just glad that I'm rid of Ruby. She split to take out the rest of this demon group, so I don't have the pleasure of her company anymore. God I hate her, but she did come in handy."

"So have you explained much to Sam?" Bobby's voice had a curious note to it.

"Had too. Damn demons planted false memories that attack the kid when he sleeps. He recognized me when I burst in on him last night because they had planted a memory of the car crash and mine and Dad's death. And then, last night he starts thrashing around in the throes of a bad dream and when I go to wake him he has this major break down. The demons had planted memories of me and Dad verbally and physically abusing him. I was able to calm him down, but damn…" Dean swallowed hard trying to keep the emotions at bay.

"Poor kid. Damn, you've had your hands full, boy."

"Yeah, so after I got him calmed down, I gave him the condensed version of our lives. Which he seemed to take okay. I will say that Sam is tough, and good thing too with all the shit life has thrown him."

"He's a Winchester, and that family bond is what gets the boy through all this crap. So what are your plans? I'd hope to hear you're heading my way."

Dean smiled. Bobby was such a support. "Yeah, I wanted to if that's cool…"

"Boy, like you even have to ask." Bobby huffed out.

"Thanks Bobby, we'll be heading your way. Uh, I didn't tell Sam about him dying or the deal. It seemed like a lot to mention all at once." Dean added, cringing as he waited for the older man's reaction.

Bobby sighed. "Yeah I suppose it would be a lot to handle. But you gotta tell him sometime."

"I know. Hey look I appreciate everything but Sam's stirring so I'd better go." Dean watched as Sam started moving, happy to have a reason to get off the phone.

"Keep in touch." And with that the phone clicked off.

-0-

Dean entered the room just as Sam was wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Morning Sleeping Beauty!" Dean's morning greeting sputtered to a sudden halt as he watched his brother jump, at the verbal intrusion.

"Sorry Sam, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm just used to being loud and annoying in the morning, it's our normal brotherly banter." Dean said as he slunk down on the bed opposite Sam.

Sam gave him a tentative smile and yawned. "It's fine. You're adjusting to me and I'm adjusting to you. We'll find our rhythm I'm sure. It's just I didn't see you in the doorway."

Dean smirked. "And I was loud, and it caught you off guard."

"Yeah, something like that. So what were you doing outside?" Sam asked as he stretched his arms out.

"I called Bobby, and I didn't want to disturb you." Dean said as he put his cell phone down on the bed.

"Is he okay with us coming to visit?" Sam said as he shifted uneasily on the bed.

"Oh yeah he's fine, just pissed at me for not calling him the minute I found you. He was worried about you." Dean gave Sam a reassuring smile.

"So I'm close to Bobby?" Sam's face showed his curiosity.

"You called him Uncle Bobby when we were kids. The man is one of the gruffest and toughest guys I know, but when you were a kid all you had to say was "please Uncle Bobby?" and the man melted into this kind gentle being. You and those damn puppy dog eyes." Dean snorted at the memories of how Bobby was just as manipulated by young Sammy as he was.

As he watched the grown Sammy, the kid started to blush. "Oh," was all his brother could muster before looking away in embarrassment.

Dean decided to let him off the hook. "So dude, do you want to shower first?"

Sam nodded. "If that's okay?"

It was weird to hear Sam ask permission to do things that normally were second nature to him. Dean reminded himself that this was a temporary development. He would fix his brother.

"Sure, just leave me some hot water."

"No problem." Sam smiled and got up grabbing clothes as he headed to the bathroom.

-0-

Sam was glad to enter the bathroom away from his brother. It was all still so much to take in and it didn't help having his brother watching his every move.

He knew that Dean was worried. Sam could see it in the man's face but it still was hard to literal have "big brother watching you."

Sam removed his clothes and stepped under the warm water, letting it wash away some of his aches and pains. The demons had really done a number on his body, his head was still a bit fuzzy and he felt weak. Due to the physical confrontation he had with that Ruby girl last night, he was definitely not feeling one hundred percent.

As Sam took stock of his body, he realized that his knees were a bit bruised. Probably from the lovely confrontation he had with Dean after his nightmare last night. Man, his life sucked.

At least he was able to sleep peacefully after his chat with Dean. Sam had worried that it would be hard to shut down all the thoughts running through his head after Dean had shared their life story with him, but exhaustion had luckily won out.

The good night's sleep had also helped his pounding head, Sam realized with relief. There was still a dull ache but he could deal with that.

Sam hated to end the shower and his moment of seclusion but he had promised to leave some hot water. Reluctantly he got out of the shower and toweled off, and dressed.

-0-

Once he left the bathroom, Sam found Dean sprawled out on his bed watching TV.

Dean looked up and smiled. "Feeling better?"

Sam returned the smile. "Yeah, I feel more human. Speaking of, I'm actually getting hungry."

"That's good. I'll hop in and get a shower real quick and we can head out for breakfast." Dean grabbed his toiletries and headed to the bathroom.

Sam lowered himself slowly on his bed. Happy to have a little more alone time. Time to reflect on his life and his brother.

It was true that Dean and his supposed life scared him, but for some reason he also felt safe with Dean. His brother did seem to care, and was a likeable guy.

Dean was just intense and Sam needed to get used to that.

Well, if he could get used to Dean and get past the horrible false memories the demons planted, then things would be okay. The problem was, those fake memories felt so real and Sam was afraid that there were more to come.

-0-

Breakfast was a quiet affair. Well somewhat quiet, as Sam watched in amazement as Dean wolfed down his food, emitting happy noises the whole meal.

Sam found himself smirking at Dean more than once. The boy sure was entertaining. Between watching him inhale his food and then putting on the charm for their overworked but cute waitress, Sam was amazed.

Even with the lack of table manners, Dean could charm the pants off the woman. Sam smiled at that thought, knowing that the man in front of him had probably charmed the pants off of many a waitress.

"Dude, what are you smiling at?" Dean commented as he pushed his empty plate away.

"You. You're funny to watch." Sam said as he took the last swallow of his coffee.

Dean smiled. "Well, that's a nice change. I usually gross you out, with my eating habits."

Sam smiled back. "This is all new to me, but I'm sure after awhile, watching you demolish every meal like that might get old. So do you always flirt with the waitresses?"

"Dude, of course I do. Even if they're not hot, flirting can lead to free food. Stick with me kid and you'll learn lots!" Dean said as he grabbed the check and stood up.

"I'm sure you are full of lots of big brother wisdom." Sam said as he followed his brother to the front.

"And maybe you'll listen this go around." Dean shot back as he reached the cash register.

-0-

As they got in the car, ready to hit the road, Dean was feeling better about his relationship with the new Sam.

Sam seemed more relaxed this morning and even engaged in some brotherly banter. In fact, it was the most relaxed he had seen Sam since the deal.

"Dean, how far is it to Bobby's house?" Sam asked as he settled in the passenger seat.

"Uh, we'll he lives in Nebraska, so we are in for a bit of a road trip." Dean noticed Sam tense at the news. So much for a relaxed Sam.

"Oh, well that's okay." Sam's voice was quiet.

"Sam, I know that you were looking forward to meeting Bobby and you probably hope that meeting him will jog your memory. But a road trip is a good thing really. It's what we usually do, and maybe time on the road will help. Just give it a chance." Dean gave his brother a reassuring smile.

-0-

Sam tried to smile back at Dean, but his hopes were crushed. Sam was looking forward to having a little space from his brother.

He had hoped that in a few hours he would be meeting their family friend and given a chance to process everything. Maybe he might even have a room to himself.

But now he was faced with hours in a car and motel rooms alone with Dean. He tried to grasp on to the hope that Dean had presented. Maybe Dean was right, spending time on the road might cause him to regain his memories.

He could sense that Dean was tense waiting for Sam to respond.

"You're right Dean, it'll be good to go back to my regular routine. That should help with the memories. Do you mind if I take a nap? Those drugs the demons gave me, still have me feeling a bit down." Sam could see Dean's eyes feel with concern.

"Sure thing Sammy, I'll turn the music down and I'll wake you when it's lunch time." Dean gave Sam a reassuring smile.

Sam was tired, and hoped that after resting he would be better able to face his brother.

-0-

_Sam found himself watching a younger version of himself sitting on a bed in a motel room. In his hand he held a letter that he was reading intently. He could see the worry on his younger self's face. _

_**The door to the motel room opened and John and Dean entered. Both were dirty and sweaty. They threw their gear down on the kitchen table.**_

"_**Sam, son where the hell is dinner? We let you sit this hunt out so you could study so the least you could do is have dinner ready." John's eyes were full of anger.**_

_Sam wanted to turn away. This wasn't real, but it was so vivid. He shared his younger self's fear. _

_**The younger Sam, stood face full of fear. "I'm sorry, but time got away from me."**_

_**Dean approached Sam. "What'cha got there Sammy a love letter? Been mooning over some girl? So we have to starve."**_

_**Sam shook his head no, and tried to step away but Dean was too quick and had the letter in his hands before Sam could stop him.**_

"_**Dean give it back. I need to talk to Dad about it first. Please." Tears filled Sam's eyes.**_

_Sam wanted to step forward to protect himself but knew that wasn't possible, he was stuck here forced to watch the nightmare unfold._

"_**Dad, it's a letter from Stanford. The little twerp got accepted! Gonna leave us Sammy?" Dean pushed his brother stepping forward anger filling his face he raised his fist to hit Sam.**_

"_**Dean stop. I need to talk to Sam." Dean reluctantly backed away from his brother.**_ "_**Sam, what did you need to tell me?" John's voice shook with anger.**_

"_**D-Dad, I've been studying hard, because I want to go to college. This has nothing to do with leaving the family. I want to leave the hunt not the family. Hunting is not what I want." Sam was giving his Dad eye contact but the eyes were full of unshed tears.**_

_**John moved quickly across the room grabbing Sam by the collar and slamming him into the wall. "You little shit. You're the whole reason this family is stuck hunting in the first place! Your mother died protecting you from some demon and you want to spit on her grave. Are you telling me, that her death isn't worth avenging? That she gave her life in vain for a no good ungrateful little snot!" John's body shook with anger.**_

_Sam felt the fear radiating off his younger self and felt sick._

_**Sam looked up at John. "I hate what happened to Mom, but we've been looking for seventeen years and haven't found anything. I would be happy to leave college if you got close and needed my help."**_

_**It was then that John punched Sam in the head. "You are no longer a member of this family." John shoved Sam against the wall and left.**_

_**Sam sagged to the ground. "D-Dean…" The younger Sam whimpered out.**_

_**Dean approached and helped his brother up. "So you finally did it Sam. You finally succeeded in tearing this family apart. First you kill mom and now you split up what's left of our family. You make me sick." **_

"_**Dean I-It's not that way…" Before Sam could finish Dean punched his brother in the stomach.**_

"No!" Sam screamed.

Sam gasped and shot up in the seat. It was hard to catch his breath.

-0-

Dean noticed that Sam was getting restless in his sleep. Damn, another nightmare. He hoped it wasn't another memory plant from the demons.

Dean was easing over to the side of the road when his brother shot up in his seat.

"No!" Sam screamed and gasped for breath.

Dean wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to spook his brother. Speaking in a calm quiet voice, Dean spoke to Sam.

"Shhh, Sammy, it's okay. You're fine. We're in the Impala heading to Bobby's house." Dean watched as Sam processed what was being said to him.

"B-Bad dream." Sam stammered out.

"Was it about me again? A demon planted memory?" Dean asked as Sam still continued to gasp for air.

"Y-Yeah." Sam was able to get out as he tried to calm himself.

It was hard for Dean not to offer physical comfort, but he knew that Sam wouldn't react well to that right now.

"Just catch your breath Sammy, and we can talk about it when you're ready. " Dean hated what the demons had done to his little brother.

It was bad enough they had taken his good memories, but to leave him with these horrible memories was the ultimate torture.

**A/N: **Thanks for reading! The reviews have been so wonderful- thank you! More soon! :0)


	9. Chapter 9

I Remember You

**Warning: some sexual content in this chapter but it is not explicit.**

Chapter 9

Sam was taking deep calming breaths, trying to get himself composed as Dean stared at him with a concerned expression. Sam was grateful that his brother had kept his distance this time. Dreaming that your brother had assaulted you and waking up to your brother holding you, was not a good thing.

Once Sam felt he had finally caught his breath, he turned to his brother. He knew that Dean wanted an explanation and Sam felt he owed it to him even though recounting his dream was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Are you okay kiddo?"

"I'm better. These dream memory plants are so vivid and real. I'm sorry you've to deal with the fallout." Sam shifted in his seat trying to get comfortable.

"Dude, so not your fault. Wanna talk about it?" Dean's face was full of concern.

"Not really, but I guess I should. Uh, this dream dealt with me getting accepted to Stanford." Sam quickly looked down at his hands wanting to avoid the scrutiny of his older brother.

"Oh, well that was a bit of a rough patch in our family's life. You wanted to go and Dad wanted you to stay. What happened in the dream?" Sam could hear the concern in Dean's voice and he shared it. What if this was a true memory?

"Uh, you and Dad came home from a hunt, and were angry because I didn't have dinner ready. Evidently you'd left me behind to study and I got the acceptance letter from Stanford and lost track of time. You spotted the letter in my hand and grabbed it." Sam paused and took a deep breath, he really didn't want to go on.

"Sam, I remember the day you got accepted or at least the day you shared it with us. It was after graduation and we were packing up for a new hunt when you told Dad. He wasn't happy Sam, and you two had a big blow out fight. He told you that if you left not to come back, and you packed up and left. I have a feeling things didn't play out so well in your dream?" Dean's voice was calm and supportive.

Sam rubbed his hands up and down his thighs and looked up at Dean. "Uh, some very ugly things were said about me spitting on Mom's grave by leaving and you both took out your anger in a physical way." Sam paused not wanting to go into details of the assault.

"Sammy, God we never hit you. Or at least Dad's never hit you, we've gotten into a few fights, but nothing serious, I promise." Sam could see the shock and hurt in Dean's face and was relieved that his dream memories weren't real.

Sam swallowed hard. "I get that. But these stupid dreams are so real."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, and I wish that I could stop them. I'm sure those demons planted enough of them to make it easy for you to leave your old life with us behind."

"You're right Dean, and it wouldn't have taken many of these for me to have decided that I was better off without my family. I'm just glad you rescued me and are here to set me straight." Sam gave Dean a smile.

"I'm glad I'm here too kiddo. But before this gets too chick flicky lets get back on the road. I was think we could stop for lunch soon, you're looking a bit pale. Bet a good lunch could help fix that." Dean gave Sam a big smile as he started the car back up.

"Sounds good." Sam settled back in the seat and hoped that a bit of food and Tylenol would take his aches away.

-0-

Dean was happy that the road trip to Bobby's house had gone pretty well. Other than Sam's horrendous Stanford dream, things between them had gone pretty smoothly.

Sam was feeling and looking better which was a big relief to Dean. He hated watching his brother struggle with headaches and no energy. His little brother was able to make it most days without a nap and the headaches had pretty much gone away.

The brothers were also getting more comfortable with each other. The brotherly banter that Dean was so used too, was starting to make an appearance again. Dean still found himself over stepping his bounds sometimes and making Sam uncomfortable, but those instances were fewer and far between.

They were a few minutes from Bobby's house when Dean decided to warn Sam as to what to expect.

"So Sammy, we'll be at Bobby's place in about twenty minutes. Just thought I would warn you that he is a bit messy." Dean watched as Sam looked up from the_ US News_ magazine he was reading.

"He runs a salvage yard so I figured that it wasn't the Hilton." Sam shot back with a snort.

"Smart ass. Anyway, he keeps it clean but it's cluttered. And do me a favor, do not move one of his books without telling him, because he has some sort of system worked out in the chaos." Dean could see Sam's eyes light up with interest.

"So he has a lot of books?" Dean had Sam's full attention at the mention of books and Dean had to smile at his geeky brother- some things never changed.

"He has a lot of books on the supernatural. We've turned to him more than once for help researching hunts. In fact, he's trying to find the ritual the demons used on you." Dean watched Sam's expression turn thoughtful.

"Maybe I can help him with that." Sam answered in a quiet voice.

"Dude, I'm sure you can. You've always been our geek boy researcher. Wonder if you can still read Latin?" Dean figured the boy could, it seemed his memories were the only thing missing.

"Um, I think so. Why do I need to know Latin?" Sam's face was full of curiosity.

"Well it comes in handy when we're performing exorcisms and a lot of the old books about the supernatural are written in Latin." Dean smiled as Sam's face lit up in shock.

"Oh yeah, that's what you were reading when you made the demon go back to hell, right?"

Dean nodded. "Yep."

"So is Bobby expecting us?" Sam asked as they pulled off the main road.

"Yeah, I called him this morning, he's making us lunch. I hope he's grilling burgers, cause a burger and beer sounds great." Dean sighed at the thought.

Sam huffed. "Dude you could live off of burgers. That's about all I see you eat. I'm hoping that he's prepared something else. I'm tired of burgers."

"I know Samantha, burgers are too manly for your delicate self, but us men need our meat." Dean laughed as Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dude, just cause I like my heart, doesn't mean I'm a girl, but whatever."

Dean sighed, it was good to have these moments with Sam. It was almost like he had his good old geek brother back.

-0-

Bobby heard the Impala rumbling up his drive. He stepped out onto his front porch waiting for the boys to arrive. His nerves had the best of him at the moment. He wasn't sure how to approach a memory-less Sam.

As he watched the black classic pull into his yard, he noticed Dean quickly exit the Impala while Sam held back a bit.

"Hey Bobby, hope you got lunch ready cause I'm starving." Dean patted Bobby on the shoulder as he approached.

"And when are you not hungry boy?" Bobby shook his head at Dean and then looked up at Sam.

The younger Winchester looked as nervous as Bobby felt. Sam tentatively held out a hand for Bobby to shake. "You must be Bobby, Dean has told me all about you."

The words were like a punch to a stomach, driving home just how screwed up this situation was. Not wanting to spook the boy, Bobby decided to keep things light.

"Don't believe a word of it unless it was good!" Bobby exclaimed as he took Sam's hand and gave it a firm shake.

Dean must have picked up on the awkwardness of the situation because he piped up loudly. "All right, enough of this meet and greet crap, I'm starving."

Bobby chuckled and watched as Sam's face broke into a smile. Bobby leaned in and spoke quietly to Sam. "Sam, I feel your pain, being stuck with this idgit."

Sam's smile widened. "It's not so bad. Just don't tell him."

-0-

Sam wasn't too shocked by Bobby's place, it was pretty much what he had imagined and Dean had described. It didn't ring any memory bells as he entered, but he also felt relaxed and comfortable there.

Part of that comfort was knowing that he would have a bit more freedom here.

Sam was brought out of his thoughts by Dean's voice.

"Anything look familiar dude?" Sam could see the hope in Dean's eyes and he hated to dash it.

"Nope, but it's about like I imagined." Dean's face fell a bit as he nodded.

"So Bobby, what's on the menu for lunch?" Dean piped up as they entered the kitchen.

"Son, does this look like a restaurant? I made Sam's favorite, spaghetti and garlic bread with a Caesar salad." Bobby said as he headed over to the counter and pulled out plates from the cabinet.

"Dang, I was hoping for burgers." Dean grumped as he grabbed some beer from the fridge.

Sam smiled. "So my favorite is spaghetti?"

Dean smiled as he handed Sam a beer. "You like Bobby's spaghetti, cause he makes the sauce from scratch."

Bobby nodded at the table. "Have a seat Sam, Dean can help me get everything on the table. You're looking a bit pale."

Sam blushed. "Yeah, I guess I won't be much help anyway, not remembering where everything is."

Dean handed Sam silverware. "You're not using this whole 'demons drugged me and took my memory' crap to get out of doing dishes. That's all I'm saying."

Bobby walked up behind Dean and swatted him in the back of the head. Dean emitted a loud. "Ouch, man that hurt."

Bobby winked at Sam. "Don't listen to him. I want you to take it easy for a bit, Sam, and then I'll put you to work."

Sam smiled back. "Dean said you have a lot of books on the supernatural. I was hoping that I could at least help you do some research on the ritual that took my memory."

Dean placed the bread on the table and slumped down in the chair next to Sam. "Yeah geek boy may not have his memories but he's still the research geek!"

Bobby smiled as he placed the salad and spaghetti on the table. "Yeah, sure Sam. I could always use another set of eyes."

At that moment Sam realized that part of his unease over the past few days had been this sense of helplessness. He hoped that helping Bobby research would he alleviate some of that feeling.

Dean passed Sam the salad. "Dude, here's your girly food, pass me the spaghetti."

Sam rolled his eyes and took the salad passing the bowl of pasta to Dean. "So Bobby, when do you want to start researching?"

Sam passed the bowl of salad to Bobby as the man answered. "Well, I got to go to town after lunch to pick up some parts, so we could start up when I get back. Dean can show you around while I'm gone, and when I get back he can grill while we research."

"Yes! Burgers! Bobby you do have onions right?" Dean's tone was enthusiastic.

"Of course Dean, I have your damn onions." Bobby said as he dug into his food.

Sam shared Dean's enthusiasm for the afternoon but for different reasons. Finally he would get to do something other than following his brother around hoping that his memories would return.

-0-

Bobby was grabbing his keys ready to head out. "Dean, if you want to look at what I've found so far on rituals dealing with memory loss, I have my notes laid out on the desk. You guys make yourselves at home and I'll be back in a bit."

"Thanks Bobby, I think I'll show Sam around and then I'll take a peek at your notes. Don't forget to get more beer." Dean smirked as the elder hunter reached the door.

"Damn houseguests wanting to mooch off the old man." Bobby muttered as the door slammed behind him.

Sam stared wide eyed at the exchange. "Dean, I think you pissed him off."

Dean patted Sam on the shoulder. "Nah, you'd know if he was mad, that's not mad."

"Oh, well then I don't want to see him mad."

"Amen to that brother, you don't. So how about I give you the grand tour?"

"Sure."

It didn't take long to give Sam the tour, inside the house and out. As the approached the front door to go back inside, Dean noticed that his brother was looking a bit peaked.

"Sam, why don't you lay down for a bit? You're looking a bit like Snow White dude."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Always with the girl jokes, tell me did you secretly wish for a sister and get stuck with me."

Dean smirked, he couldn't let the punk get away with his insult. "Oh yeah, I didn't want to bring this up before, you adjusting to the amnesia thing, but yeah I did want a sister. I use to dress you up in the cutest dresses when Dad wasn't around. I think you liked it cause you still like to wear your hair long."

Sam's eyes grew large in shock and then came the unexpected. "Dressing me like a girl makes you the gay one dude, so drop it!"

"Kidding, just kidding sheesh! I'm so **not** gay." Dean huffed. Sam burst into laughter and Dean knew that his brother had indeed got the better of him.

"I'm serious about your looking pale though, so plant yourself on Bobby's couch and try and take a nap." Dean pointed to the old couch in the middle of the living room. He was relieved when Sam decided to follow orders and flopped himself down on the couch. He placed a throw pillow under his head and glared at Dean.

"Okay Mom, I'm ready for my nap."

"Good, now I can have some peace and quiet. Mr. Forty questions, geesh it's a salvage yard, of course there's going to be a lot of cars, Captain Obvious." Sam made a not so nice hand gesture and closed his eyes.

-0-

Sam didn't want to admit it to his smug brother, but he was tired. Walking around the salvage yard had been the most exercise he had had since waking up in the hospital. The light exertion drove home that he wasn't totally free of the effects of the drugs that the demons had given him.

It didn't take long before he was out.

_Sam was stuck in a dream again, but to his relief this time it was him and Jess. At least there shouldn't be a confrontation._

_As he watched dream Sam and Jess were on a couch making out._

**"_Oh Sam, I love you so much." Jess growled seductively as she pulled away from the kiss._**

_Sam could see the lust in his eyes as he spoke to Jess._

_**"Love you too." Dream Sam leaned in for another kiss. Jess stopped him, putting the tip of her index finger over his mouth.**_

_**"Baby, I want to take things to the next level. I want you to make love to me." Jess's gaze was intense.**_

_Sam was shocked to see his dream self pull back from Jess and stare at his hands. Why if he loved the girl, would he pull away?_

_**"Jess, I-I'm a virgin. My family moved me around so much as a kid. I never really had time to date, let alone have a serious girlfriend. I feel so stupid." Dream Sam slowly lifted his eyes to meet Jess's gaze. **_

_**"Baby, that doesn't matter to me. You told me that they didn't understand you and that your life wasn't typical. I kind of suspected you were a virgin. It doesn't matter to me. In fact, it really is a turn on. I mean, I'll be your first that makes this so special. I wish that I was a virgin too." Jess smiled brightly and gave Dream Sam a chaste kiss.**_

_**"I'm just glad one of us knows what they're doing." Dream Sam blushed.**_

_Sam supposed that it made sense that he might have gone to college a virgin. Dean had said that they moved around a lot. Before he could ponder on the subject, Jess had taken Dream Sam's hand and led him to the bedroom._

_It was odd watching himself make love for the first time with Jess. Porn came to mind and part of him wanted to look away but part of him was enjoying the show._

_Jess was a tiger in bed. She had made quick work of their clothes and was on top of Dream Sam._

_Things had begun to wind down, and Sam was happy that this dream hadn't been traumatic, and he had hoped that this might have been a true memory._

_**Dream Sam snuggled up with Jess. "Wow, Jess that was so… wow."**_

_**Jess smiled. "Wow, huh? I finally have left the great Sam Winchester speechless. "**_

_**Dream Sam blushed. "You leave me speechless and take my breath away all the time Jess. You're the most amazing person I've ever known."**_

_**Jess propped herself up on her elbow and stared deeply into Sam's eyes. "You know now that you have given yourself to me, your mine? Mine forever Sam."**_

_**"I can live with that." Dream Sam snuggled closer.**_

_**"**__**Good, cause I'm serious. You're special, and your family never understood that. They didn't respect all the power that dwells in you, but I do."** _

_Jess laid her hand on Dream Sam's chest and Sam could feel the heat on his own chest, and there was a buzzing in his ears._

_**"You're powerful and mine, you understand that right? You gave yourself to me, forever!" Jess's voice became a low growl and her eyes turned black as night.**_

_God, this was so wrong, she's a demon, this can't be real._

-0-

Dean had settled behind Bobby's desk in the corner of the living room. He had a good vantage point to watch his snoozing brother as he poured over Bobby's notes. He just hoped that Sam would get a restful nap, and that the bad dreams would leave his little brother alone.

Bobby had quite an extensive pile of notes. It seems there were lots of rituals dealing with memory loss. Damn, that meant it would take a lot more research to narrow things down.

After a few minutes of reading the notes in front of him, Dean decided that making a pot of coffee sounded like a good plan if he was going to be able to stay awake. He started to get up from the desk when Sam stirred.

Dean stood still watching his brother for signs of distress. Sam started to moan and shuffle around a bit on the couch. To anyone else the moans might be a sign of a bad dream, but Dean knew his brother and the sounds that the kid was now admitting were not moans of distress.

'You go Sam,' were Dean's thoughts as he headed to the kitchen. A wet dream might be just what the kid needed to relieve all the stress he's been under.

Dean decided to stay in the kitchen and enjoy his coffee free from a moaning brother writhing around on the couch. It was a beautiful day and Dean had thought about heading outside for a bit, but was reluctant to leave Sam alone.

Having downed the first cup of coffee, Dean decided to head back to the desk to snag some of the notes and then head back to the refuge of the kitchen. Dean walked towards the living room and could hear more moans coming from Sam.

Dean smirked as he reached the desk, and reached down to pick some up when Sam's moans stopped and the boy started talking in his sleep.

"No, this can't be. It's not real! Jess is not a demon!" Sam started struggling on the couch and fell to the floor waking himself.

Dean crossed the room and crouched down to Sam's level. He was careful not to touch him, not wanting to spook his little brother.

"Shhh, Sam it's okay. It was just a dream." Sam looked up at Dean, eyes wide with fear.

"It was another planted memory, I think." Sam stated in a shaky voice.

Dean nodded and held out a hand to help his brother up from the floor. Sam took it and slowly rose from the floor. Dean helped maneuver his brother to the couch. Sam set down and quickly placed a throw pillow over his crotch.

Dean smirked but didn't comment as he joined his brother on the couch.

Dean cleared his throat, and gave Sam a reassuring smile. "So this dream was about Jess? I heard you call her name out in your sleep."

Sam blushed and nodded. "Dean can I ask you a personal question?"

"Shoot."

"Um- do you know. Damn, do you know if Jess was my first?" Sam was crimson and staring at his hands.

"Huh, so in the dream, you were with Jess and it was your first time. Well that would be another planted memory then, cause you lost your virginity, senior year of high school." Dean stifled a laugh as Sam shuffled around uncomfortable on the couch.

"You're sure?" Sam looked up briefly before going back to studying his hands.

"Yep, cause you came to big brother the night before wanting pointers. Your senior year, we stuck around in this one town for six months, and you had it bad for a certain, Carol Ann Miller. You popped your cherry on the third month anniversary of the two of you dating." Dean patted Sam on the back and was happy that his brother didn't flinch. "Dude no reason to be embarrassed. When it comes to you, I know everything."

Sam slowly raised his head and shyly nodded. "I figured. I get how close we must be. Most of the time I feel really comfortable with you, and I know it's because of the past I can't remember. Then these damn memory plants crop up and throw me off."

Dean could see the frustration and anger in his brother's face. "Dude, I know it must suck. It's bad enough to lose your memories but to have these vivid mind altering dreams… well let just say if it was me, I don't know if I could stay sane."

"Who said I was sane?" Sam snorted.

"Good point. So I take it that in this lovely dream you lost your virginity to Jess- and that was the good part. 'Cause dude, I heard the moaning." Dean watched as his brother turned red again and looked away.

"This is **so** embarrassing." Sam mumbled.

"Yeah well, it wasn't the first time I've heard your happy noises before so get over it. So then the dream went bad on you?" Dean gave Sam an encouraging smile.

Sam cleared his throat. "Um, yeah, after you know, uh, the act. Well, she told me that I belonged to her. That, um unlike my family she understood me and my powers. She then laid her hands on my dream self- cause in the dreams, I'm a spectator- and I could feel this heat there."

"Are you okay? Are you feeling any effects from that?" Dean didn't think and just reached over and touched Sam's chest feeling around for an injury. To his relief, Sam didn't pull away, but slapped at Dean's hands instead. The type of action the old Sam would have taken.

"Dude, I'm fine!" Sam huffed. "Anyway, I don't remember the exact words, but she said something about me giving myself to her, and that now I belong to her forever. Then her eyes turned black. I freaked out then."

"I would've too. So kiddo, I think that at this point, if the demons still had you, the conversion would have started. But lucky for you, your awesome big brother saved your ass." Dean kept his voice positive even though the thoughts of what the demons might have done with Sam made his stomach twist.

Sam's eyes were teary. "God, I don't want to think about that."

Dean gave Sam a shoulder shove. "Then don't think about it."

Sam nodded. "Thanks Dean."

Dean was thankful too, thankful to have his brother safe and with him.

**A/N: **I have been blown away by the nice reviews guys- thanks so much! More soon!


	10. Chapter 10

I Remember You

Chapter 10

Bobby arrived home to find his guests gathered at the kitchen table sipping on coffee. Sam was looking a bit peaked and Dean was definitely in worried big brother mode.

Once Sam noticed Bobby enter the kitchen he stood, offering to help with the groceries he was carrying. Dean quickly blocked his little brother's way.

"Sammy, I'll help Bobby. You relax for now." It sounded to Bobby like and order an Sam obeyed without too much grumbling.

Dean grabbed the bag that contained the beer and made a happy noise. "Yes, we have beer and burgers, life is good."

Bobby shook his head. "Don't thank me or anything."

Sam chuckled at the comment. "You're way too nice to him Bobby."

Dean huffed. "Says the dude who got out of kitchen duty."

Sam's smiled brightened more. "I guess he likes me better."

"Boys stop it. I've had enough of this bickering. Dean, start making patties for dinner, and Sam, let's go hit the books and see if we can find anything to help out with your memory problem." Bobby said as he put the last of the groceries away.

Dean grabbed a beer out of the six-pack as he put them in the fridge. "Sure thing Bobby, I'll let you research geeks know when dinner is ready."

"Keep it up boy, and you can clean up after dinner too." Bobby replied as he guided Sam towards his library area.

Bobby grabbed a dusty tome off of his book shelf and handed it to Sam. "Here you go kid, this book is full of spells. There is a whole section on memory loss, so skim through and see if there is anything I missed."

Sam looked at him in surprise. "You've already gone through it?"

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, but there have been many times that you caught something I missed kid, so I'd feel better if you checked it for me."

Sam nodded. "Sure, I'll give it a go."

Both hunters found a chair and started plowing through their respective books.

-0-

Sam had made some notes from the book he had been given to read over. He then matched his notes with Bobby's and was surprised to find he had found some items that the older man had missed.

He walked over to Bobby who was perched at his desk and showed him the new items. "Good job there Sam. Research is just like riding a bicycle, you never truly forget how too. "

Sam nodded, pleased that he was of some help. "So does this information really help my situation?"

"Yeah, the thing is we don't know exactly what was used on you. Hopefully Ruby can find the demons and get that information, but if not we may have to use all this information to come up with a solution."

Sam was a bit doubtful on that but it didn't hurt to try.

Bobby shut his book and smiled. "I'm ready to take a break, why don't we head to the kitchen and grab a beer before the food is ready. Dean should have those burgers grilled up soon."

Sam returned the smile. He was starting to feel comfortable with Bobby. He definitely liked the man. "Sure sounds good."

Sam followed the elder hunter into the kitchen and took the beer the man offered as he sat down at the table.

Time at Bobby's house had been nice for Sam. There was room to roam, unlike the motel rooms and Impala, and it was nice to visit with someone else who knew him.

"So Bobby, can I ask you a question?" Sam watched as the weathered man before him took swig of beer before answering.

"Sure kid, you can ask me anything."

Sam smiled at that. Bobby seemed so much more open than Dean, and it was refreshing. He could sense that Dean was trying to protect him by holding back on some of their life.

"How long have you known me?" Sam thought he'd start off small.

"Uh, geesh Sam, you were a toddler the first time your daddy brought you to my house. Cute little bugger, full of questions. I guess some things never change." Bobby winked at Sam.

Sam felt himself blush a bit. "So um, have I always been close to Dean?"

Bobby smiled at that question. "Yep, never seen two brothers any closer. After you mom died, I think John trusted Dean to watch over you. Dean took that job serious. In a lot of ways Dean raised you."

"Really? So Dad wasn't around much huh?" Sam was trying to process this picture of early life with Dean.

"Your daddy tried his best but he was obsessed. He had this need to avenge your mom's death and to save innocents to make up for not saving Mary. Dean picked up the slack, taking care of and teaching what you needed to know. Both of you boys sacrificed a lot growing up, but Dean gave up almost all of his childhood to take care of you." Bobby looked down at his beer deep in his memories and thoughts.

Sam swallowed hard, keeping the emotions at bay. It was weird because while he felt disconnected for this story of his past, he still felt sympathy for his brother. He knew that everything Bobby said was true, because he was starting to see the devotion Dean still had towards him.

"So what was my relationship like with Dad?" Sam asked tentatively not sure how far Bobby was willing to go.

"It was a bit rough. You two were too much alike and butted heads. Dean played peacemaker. He was caught in the middle a lot. I remember when you left for college, there was this big blow up. Dean seemed so lost without you and John was so afraid."

Sam was puzzled about that statement. "Afraid?"

"Yeah, he was proud of you kiddo but was afraid of what would happen to you if you left hunting and his protection." Bobby gave Sam a reassuring smile.

Sam was about to ask another question when Dean entered the kitchen through the back door.

"Burgers up!" Dean hollered as he entered the room.

-0-

Dean sighed. It had been a long day. It was nice to chill out on Bobby's back porch drinking in peace.

Sam had left him there a few minutes ago wanting a hot shower before bed and Bobby was cleaning up the kitchen.

Dean's peace was interrupted as the elder hunter joined him on the porch with his own beer. He nodded at Bobby and took another swig of beer.

"So Dean, uh Sam was asking me a bit about his life and I was wondering is there anything I need to avoid talking to him about?" Bobby plopped down next to Dean on the rickety bench that sat on the porch.

"I've glossed over so much, it's best to keep things vague for now. I don't want to overwhelm the kid, you know?"

Bobby nodded. "Yeah I know, but you should at least tell him about the deal."

"No way. He doesn't need that crap weighing down on him. In fact it's been nice to not hear about the damn deal. His ignorance has been my bliss." Dean smirked at his turn of phrase.

Bobby just huffed. "Well, here's the deal son. What if the kid doesn't get his memory back? That is a very real possibility. Your deal comes due and what, you just disappear?"

"Yep. I'll tell him I'm leaving for a hunt, I'll leave him with you and I'll just not make it back. He can live the rest of his life guilt free." Dean smiled at that thought. The kid deserved a life without guilt.

"You're just deluding yourself. Somewhere, somehow the truth would come out!" Bobby spat out angrily.

"Maybe, but I'm willing to risk it, because there is a real possibility that he would never learn the truth." Dean looked away not wanting to discuss the topic any further.

"Selfish bastard, I'd be the one to pick up the pieces." Bobby replied.

"Dude, that's going to happen whether he knows the truth or not." Dean stated calmly.

"So you giving up on finding a way out of the deal?" Bobby asked sullenly.

"I figure you can still research it. You have all of Sam's notes right? So you find something great, but Sam doesn't have to worry about it anymore."

Bobby shook his head. "Well at least until he gets his memory back and then he's gonna kick your ass for making him lose so much time." Bobby rose from the bench and started for the backdoor.

"Night Bobby."

Bobby just shook his head and muttered. _Stubborn ass Winchesters!_

As Bobby left Dean to the quiet of the night, a thought kept going through the young hunter's mind. As long as Sam didn't remember, he didn't have to feel guilty about the deal.

The more Dean drank the more it became apparent. This was the solution. He could protect his brother one last time by keeping the boy in the dark.

It would hurt not to have the close relationship they had shared, but it would be worth the sacrifice if he could save Sam the guilt. There would still be grief but with no memory of the deal - Sam would escape the guilt.

By the time Dean got up to head inside the house, he felt light for the first time in weeks. Protecting Sam was always what Dean did best and now he could protect his little brother one final time.

-0-

_Sam found himself on a college campus. As he watched, Jess appeared with her right arm around his or his dream self's waist._

_As he watched, Jess lead his dream self towards a building on campus. They entered a back door and Sam followed. Inside was a large lecture hall and in the front there were ten robed figures, one of the robes was black, the rest were brown._

_Sam knew this wasn't good, but after the horrific dreams of the past, he knew this was just that, a horrific dream; a fake memory._

_Jess guided Sam up to the black robe. The hood was pulled back to expose a beautiful dark haired beauty. The woman spoke. _

"_**Hi Sam, Jess has told us all about you. My name is Mara, are you ready to join our family? It's sad that yours has forsaken you, but we will take you in tonight as one of us. Forever, you will belong to our family."**_

_The intense glare of the woman sent chills down his spine, but his dream self was smiling._

"_**Mistress Mara, I would be proud to join your family." Dream Sam stepped forward and removed his t-shirt handing it to Jess. He then laid himself on top of the lecture desk.**_

_Sam's breath caught. The other robed figures gathered around Dream Sam chanting. Sam realized this was the demons wanting him to believe he had already joined them._

_**Dream Sam took Jess's hand. "I love you Jess." Jess smiled and stood by his side. **_

_**Mara spoke. She took Sam's other hand. "Are you ready Sam?"**_

_**Dream Sam nodded. "Yes."**_

_**Mara pulled a large knife out of a sheath that was lying on the desk/altar. She raised it for all to see and then ran the sharp blade across her forearm. Mara then took Dream Sam's arm and repeated the process. **_

_Sam made a sympathy wince and watched in dread and fascination as Mara place her arm on top of Dream Sam's - sharing her blood with him._

"_**We are now bonded young Sam. You belong to me, now." Mara raised her hands. "Children, please welcome Sam to our family."**_

_As Sam watched, his dream self was surrounded by the others. Each and everyone laying their hands on him, chanting._

_Sam couldn't take it anymore. He screamed. "This isn't real! This is just a sick dream!"_

_To Sam's amazement and shock, the robe figures, Jess and Mara all turned a looked at him._

_**Mara laughed. "This might be a dream Sam, but make no mistake. You and your wonderful powers, now belong to me, forever!"**_

A/N: Sorry to leave it on a cliff hanger- but I promise to post more soon! :0)


	11. Chapter 11

I Remember You

Chapter Eleven

_**Mara laughed. "This might be a dream Sam, but make no mistake. You and your wonderful powers now belong to me, forever!"**_

Sam was trying to catch his breath. The words Mara had spoken in his dream echoed in his head. _ God these implanted memories sucked._

His musings were interrupted as Dean entered their shared bedroom. Sam watched his big brother's face become concerned as they locked eyes.

"You okay kiddo?" Dean asked as he sat down on the side of Sam's bed.

Sam nodded still trying to catch his breath. He was able to stutter out. "N-Nightmare."

Dean gave his leg a reassuring pat. "I'll go get you some water, be right back."

Sam took the time alone to compose himself and was feeling a bit more in control when Dean returned with the promised water.

His older brother held out the water as he sat down on the edge of Sam's bed.

"Thanks." Sam replied as he took the glass of cool liquid. He made quick work of the water and handed the glass back to his brother.

Dean took it and then spoke. "So was this a demon memory induced nightmare?"

Sam smirked. "When isn't it?"

Dean gave a reassuring smile back. "Wanna talk about it?"

Sam sighed. "I guess." Sam took a deep breath before he spoke again. "I think this one was the last of the series, at least I hope so. I dreamed that I went to some initiation thing with Jess. It was in a college lecture hall and the table in the front was like the altar- I think."

Dean's expression turned serious. "Doesn't sound good."

"Nope, it wasn't. There were like twelve robed figures, all in brown but the leader was wearing a black robe. Her name was Mara. She asked my dream self if I was ready to join their family. My dream self agreed and got on top of the table. She cut her arm and the dream Sam's arm and mixed the blood." Sam swallowed hard remembering watching this in horror.

"What did the bitch look like? Did you recognize her?" Dean's eyes were a blaze with anger.

"She was very pretty, but scary too. I didn't recognize her, only Jess." Sam involuntarily shivered at the thought of the piercing look Mara had given him at the end of the dream.

Dean shifted uncomfortably. "What happened next?"

Sam broke eye contact and began to worry the sheet on the bed between his fingers as he recalled the end of the dream. "She announced to my dream self that I belonged to her and then **I **confronted her. I told her this was just a sick dream and not real. She then said that something like that might be so, but I still belong to her. Then I woke up."

Sam slowly looked up and realized that Dean was past the anger stage and had move on to furious.

"Damn it! God I hated this Sam. I do. I wish I could protect you from them invading your dreams." Dean growled out.

"Thanks Dean that means a lot it does. I've been thinking that the end of my dream might have just been that - a dream and not the planted memories." Sam gave Dean a hopefully look.

Dean seemed to settle a bit. "Yeah that would make sense that once you confronted your dream, your mind took control."

"So hopefully this is the end?" Sam hoped for a positive response.

"Yeah at least for the dreams. Until Ruby tracks the rest of this demon cult down, I want to keep you here where it's safe, okay?" Dean's tone was stern and full of concern.

"Sure sounds like a plan." Sam smiled back.

Dean winked. "Well let's see if we can get some rest."

Sam nodded and began to settle back in bed, listening to the rustling sound of his brother getting ready for bed.

It occurred to Sam that he actually felt comfort in his brother's presence now. The dream had really shaken him to the core, but sharing it with Dean had made him feel better , safe. It was a good feeling.

His brother's intensity had been scary at first and it still was overwhelming at times, but Sam realized that it came from a good place. Dean cared about him and Sam fervently wished that he could remember their past so that he could share in the brotherly bond better.

As Sam drifted back to sleep he promised himself to work on his relationship with Dean.

-0-

Dean had been in a happy alcohol induced haze as he reached the bedroom he shared with Sam. That haze was quickly replaced by an intense sobering worry as he took in the disheveled and breathless form that was his brother.

One of Dean's wishes had been for the memory implanted dreams to stop for his brother. _Surely they would end soon?_

But one look at Sam confirmed the fact that he had once again been visited by the demon memories.

Dean did take some comfort in the fact that Sam had been willing to share the details of the dream with very little prodding. He hoped that this was a sign that his baby brother was beginning to trust and feel more comfortable with him.

It was also of some comfort that Sam thought this was the last one. Dean hoped that Sam's feelings on this were right. It tore him up to watch Sam fall apart after each intense dream.

As he watched his little brother settle back down for the night, Dean took comfort in his decision to keep his brother in the dark about the deal. His brother had enough on his plate without the stupid deal.

-0-

Dean had never been one to want to stay in one place for long. But he had to admit that he had enjoyed the last couple of weeks with Bobby.

Sam was still without his memories, but they had begun to become brother's again minus them. It was almost easier, or at least it seemed easier after the rocky months they had face after the deal.

It was a brotherly relationship minus all the guilt that Sam had been carrying around, and Dean could handle that. They shared light brotherly banter, and enjoyed each other's company.

That morning had been a particularly happy one, both boys had enjoyed a fishing trip to the pond. They had caught a couple of fish and Dean had recounted some of their more colorful childhood memories.

Bobby had customers to deal with and so the boys decided to take their catch and turn it into lunch for the busy elder hunter.

It was during the cleaning process that Dean pondered over how weird it was that his little brother remembered how to clean a fish but couldn't remember a single thing about their childhood.

They were about finished when Dean's cell went off. The Caller ID blinked Joshua's name.

"Hey Sammy, I need to take this call. Can you finish up?" Dean smirked as he heard his brother grumbling about well timed phone calls getting lazy brothers out of the clean up jobs.

"Hey Josh, what's going on?" Dean answered. Joshua was one of the few trusted family friends Dean and Sam had left, and it was good to touch base with the man.

"Things are okay. Sorry to hear about Sam, Bobby gave me a buzz about him a few weeks ago. Is he any better?" Josh's voice was full of concern.

"His memory is still blank, but he is finally stronger." Dean was so happy for the healthy part that he was able to report. The drugs the demons had given Sam had stayed in his system for so long it had really troubled Dean. It was nice to see Sam back to his old self physically.

"That's good. I think I might have an answer for the memory loss part too. Seems, this hasn't been the first case of brain washing this group has tried. They used it on another hunter trying to get insider information. The hunter was lucky that his buddies were able to rescue him and in the process got the notes on the memory loss potion and ritual." Josh paused. "So I'm going to email all the Intel I have to you and Bobby, okay?"

Dean felt his stomach clench at the information. He wanted to give his brother his memories back but that would mean his brother would have to face the upcoming deal.

"Sure thing, Josh, I appreciate it." Dean gritted out.

"No problem, and I'll be in touch." Josh replied with concern still lingering in his voice.

"Later." Dean cut the call off unable to keep his emotions at bay any longer.

_I need time to figure this out, were_ Dean's thoughts as he walked back out to his brother.

"Hey Sammy, that was our friend Josh and he needs me to email him some notes from one of our hunts. I'm going to do that and then I help you with lunch, okay?" Dean tried to keep his tone light.

"Okay, but I'm still not sure this isn't all a ruse to stick me with all the work." Sam playfully huffed.

"Whatever Samantha." Dean playfully replied as he hurried back inside.

Dean quickly made his way over to Bobby's desk and pulled up Bobby's email, deleting the incoming message from Josh. He then checked his email, saving it. It was safe in the computer in case Dean needed it but for now he wanted to wait.

A Sam without his memories meant a Sam who wouldn't have to feel the guilt when Dean's deal came due. He could keep Sam in the dark and then the boy would only have to deal with the grief over losing Dean.

Sam could move on. Be free of this life of hunting, maybe start a family. Sam would make a great Dad.

Dean was brought out of his musings by his brother's voice.

"Dude, you're going to have to get your ass in here, I'm still learning my way around Bobby's kitchen." Sam shouted from the other room.

"Don't get your panties in a wad Sammy, I'll be in there to hold your hand in a minute." Dean replied with a smile.

"Jerk." Sam replied. Dean smiled brighter at his brother's the natural retort.

"Bitch." Dean replied as he shut the email down. Confident in his decision to keep Sam in the dark and safe.

-0-

Sam flopped into bed. It had been a long day and he was exhausted. They had gotten up early to fish and while the day had been fun, it had been busy. They had finished the day by finishing off their catch with beer.

Sam had a full stomach and a pleasant buzz, and was so ready for a good night's sleep. He drifted off as his brother settled into the bed next to him.

_Sam found himself down stairs in Bobby's house. He called for Dean but got no answer. It was then that the front door opened and a familiar face walked in._

_It was a face that while beautiful, terrified him. Mara, the demon leader from his dream._

_"Hello Sam, aren't you going to invite me in?**"**__Mara spoke as she walked into the room standing in front of Sam._

"_Get out."__ Sam fought to keep his voice calm._

"_Oh but I just got here. We need to visit. I think I need to remind you of a few things." __Mara's voice was stern._

"_This is just a dream, my dream and I don't have to listen to you." __Sam replied angrily._

"_A dream huh? I guess in the strictest sense it is your dream, but I'm real and I'm in control."__Mara grabbed Sam's arm and pulled the sleeve up revealing a fading scar. __**"**We bonded, don't you remember? You're mine and I'll be there soon to get you. We will be perfect together."_

_Mara released his arm and turned to leave. __**"**Soon my pet, soon.**" **__She spoke as she left through the front door._

Sam popped up in bed. He was glad that he hadn't awakened Dean this time. Even though he wanted the comfort of his brother, he was tired of being a burden.

They had finally reached a point where Dean wasn't hovering. The nightmares had stopped, Sam had gotten stronger physically and for the first time since being rescued from the demon, he felt some what in control of his life.

The thought of going back to Dean hovering made Sam decide to keep the latest nightmare to himself. The fact that it wasn't a planted memory gave Sam hope.

In his mind, this was a nightmare plain and simple. He would suck it up and move on.

With a renewed confidence in himself, Sam burrowed his way back under his blankets and willed himself to let go. Sleep claimed him shortly afterwards.

A/N: Thanks for reading more soon!


	12. Chapter 12

I Remember You

Chapter Twelve

Dean awoke after a restful night. It was nice to have Sam sleeping through the night - nightmare free.

He glanced over at the other bed, were his brother was curled up in a fetal position with his hands under his head. Sam looked so young in his sleep.

Dean sighed and got up. It was going to be hard to leave his brother when his time was up, but at least the kid would be free of nightmares, hunts and most importantly guilt.

After hitting the shower, Dean made his way towards the kitchen where he could smell the coffee brewing. He nodded at Bobby who was scrambling some eggs as he grabbed a mug from the cabinet and poured himself some brew.

"So, Sam still asleep?" Bobby asked as he transferred the eggs to a big bowl and set it on the table, where there was already bacon and toast.

Dean grabbed a plate and his mug and plopped down at the kitchen table helping himself to breakfast. "Yeah, the kid looked so peaceful, I just let him sleep. It's been awhile since he's had a goodnight's sleep."

Bobby joined Dean at the table, and heaped a plate full of food for himself. "Just be sure to leave the kid some food, I'm not cooking again."

"You snooze you lose." Dean lightly replied as he dug in.

"Yeah, but we need to put some weight on that scrawny brother of yours. I just wish Josh or one of our contacts would get back to us on Sam's memory loss problem." Bobby replied voice full of concern.

Dean nearly choked on his food, but quickly regained his composure. "Can't rush stuff like that, Bobby. As long as Sam is rid of the nightmares, and is healthy I'm not so concerned."

"But it's a hell of a way to live, not remembering your life. It's has to be really frustrating for Sam." Bobby replied.

"I guess. But not remembering all the bad, and his life has been full of it, has to be a good thing." Dean replied and then took a sip of coffee.

"Yeah, remembering the deaths of his loved ones will be rough. So, have you two made any plans? I know before all this happened Sam wanted to check out a few things in regards to your deal."

"No plans, I really want to keep Sam here while Ruby is still hunting down that demon and her followers that took him. If a small hunt comes up around here I might take it." Dean continued to devour the food in front of him.

"Yeah, Sam is safe here, so that's probably best. If he had his memory back, you both could help Ruby, but he's in no condition to hunt without his memories. But I was thinking about doing some traveling myself, if you boys think you could hold down the fort for me?" Bobby's tone was quizzical.

"Uh sure, Bobby we'd be happy to take care of things for you. You have a hunt come up?"

"No, it's just I made a promise to Sam, to help him get you out of this damn deal and well, with him out of commission - I thought I'd run down some of the leads he was following." Bobby stated sternly.

"Oh, well I guess there's nothing I could say to change your mind?" Dean asked tentatively.

"Nope. So if you could maybe handle my customers for me? That way I wouldn't have to shut my shop down, I'd be much obliged ." Bobby said as he started to get up.

"Sure man, not a problem." Dean replied following the older hunter to the sink with his dirty dishes.

-0-

Sam awoke to an empty room and looked at the clock. It was after nine am, wow he hadn't meant to sleep that late.

Last night's nightmare replayed in his head, Mara claiming he belonged to her. The nightmare had left him feeling so drained, which explained his need to sleep in.

As he sat up in bed, he realized he was still feeling pretty drained. _ Damn it, I so tired of being the weakest link. I'm tired of Dean and Bobby treating me like a helpless kid._

Sam took a calming breath and decided that maybe some breakfast would help build up his strength. His legs felt a bit wobbly as he stood and he noticed that he was sporting a slight headache.

It was slow going but Sam made his way into the kitchen and found his brother drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

Dean didn't look up, but quipped. "So Sleeping Beauty decided to grace us with her presence ."

"Whatever dude. Where's Bobby?" Sam asked as he slunk down into the seat across from Dean.

"Uh he's planning on a hunting trip and hit town to get some supplies. He's going to let us take care of his place while he's gone. That cool with you?" Dean lowered the newspaper and his eyes went a bit wide with concern when he looked at Sam.

"Sure that's fine. Dude what's wrong, did I grow another head?" Sam snapped back, tired of being the weak little brother. Dean's burden.

"No, but the zombie look is not a good one for you Sam. Are you sick?" Dean asked voice light but face still full of concern.

"I just tossed and turned last night and I have a bit of a headache. I was hoping some food might make me feel better." Sam replied quietly. He hoped that breakfast would be the answer, he was so tired of, well, being tired.

Dean jumped up and headed to the fridge. "Bobby made breakfast and put the leftovers on a plate for you. Let me stick it in the microwave and stick some bread in the toaster for you. Want some coffee?"

Sam bristled at the invalid treatment. "Dude, I can make my own breakfast, I'm not helpless."

Dean stopped with plate in hand and frowned. "I know that Samantha, I was just…"

"Well don't." Sam replied back and stood suddenly. Which in hindsight was not a smart move, after the wobbly morning he was already having. Sam began to sway on his feet as he fought a wave of dizziness.

Dean placed the plate on the counter and grabbed Sam by the elbow before he took a nose dive.

"Sam, I get that you're tired of being helpless, but dude it's okay really." Dean helped lower Sam down into the chair.

Sam slouched in the chair trying to get his head to stop spinning. Dean crouched down next to him until he was eye level.

"Sam, you don't have your memories but let me just fill you in on something very important. Because of the lives we've lived, we've all been in your place. Me, Dad, Bobby- getting injured by the supernatural is part of the job. The problem with supernatural injuries is that, well, sometimes spells, rituals and potions are unpredictable. It can take awhile to get over them. I know you're frustrated but this being weak will pass, I promise." Dean's face held a reassuring smile.

Understanding what you brother is saying and accepting it were two different things, and it was hard for Sam to let go the feelings of being a burden. Especially after the vow he had made last night to be more independent.

"I get what you're saying man, but I'm still feeling … well weak, and I hate it." Sam grumbled out.

"Oh and you wouldn't be a Winchester if you just accepted it. But, let me get your breakfast for you and after you eat maybe you will feel better, okay?" Dean was already up and heading for the abandoned breakfast plate.

"'Kay." Sam huffed out and pouted. He knew he was being childish but couldn't help it.

Dean quickly warmed up breakfast and placed some toast and coffee in front of Sam. "There you go kiddo. Hey you did say your head was bothering you right?"

"Just a little, Dean." Sam whined out.

"Well it's best to nip it in the bud, I'll grab you some Tylenol be back in a minute." Dean was off heading towards the bathroom before Sam could reply.

Sam sighed and took a bite of the breakfast. It wasn't so bad reheated and he really was hungry. By the time Dean got back, Sam had made a dent in the food.

"Well, at least your appetite is okay, kiddo. That's a good sign. Here, take these and I bet you'll be feeling better soon." Dean replied as he placed the tablets next to Sam's plate.

Dean stood watching his brother.

"Dude, sit down, you're giving me the creeps. I promise to take the damn Tylenol." Sam snapped out.

Dean plopped into the chair opposite, grin in place. "You know Tylenol is good for that time of the month, so maybe it'll brighten your mood."

Sam grabbed the pills and tossed them back dry. He then used his right hand to give his brother the bird before continuing with his breakfast.

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

-0-

Sam was feeling better after breakfast and ended up playing a game of gin with Dean, but as lunch approached, his energy was waning and his headache was back.

Dean convinced him to eat a sandwich, take some Tylenol and lay down. Sam really didn't want to have another damn nap, but he also didn't want to argue with his brother so he had given in pretty easily.

Sam lay down, convinced that sleep wouldn't come, but not long after laying down he felt the pull of slumber.

_Sam felt a hand stroking his cheek, the touch was feminine and when he opened his eyes, there was a familiar face._

_It was a face that sent chills down his spine. Mara._

"_My sweet Sam, I'm getting closer and soon we will be reunited." __ The woman purred at him._

"_Please just leave me alone. I-I don't belong to you. I belong here with Dean!"__Sam sat up in bed and moved away from the demon._

"_Oh but baby, you do belong to me. We bonded. You know that."__Mara's voice became stern._

"_No that was all a dream. You need to leave me and my dreams alone." __Sam edged further away from the demonic woman._

"_Soon, I'll come in person, soon." __Mara reached to touch him again and that is when Sam lost his perch on the bed and fell to the floor._

Sam's eyes flew open and he found himself in a heap on the bedroom floor. Seconds later, the bedroom door flew open. He just made out a figure approach him as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. Sam tensed until he realized it was Dean.

Dean was crouched down beside him.

"Sammy, are you okay?" The concern was evident in the elder brother's voice.

"Yeah, I just had a bad dream." Sam replied quietly, once again upset that he had worried his brother.

"Was it a planted memory?" Dean asked as he helped Sam off the floor and back onto the bed.

Sam was thankful for the physical support as his legs turned to jelly as he started to stand.

"Uh, no it wasn't a planted memory. I just dreamed about that Mara chick, but it wasn't like the dreams I had before. I think it was just my head dealing with all this crap." Sam sighed.

"You sure it wasn't a vision?" Dean's face was scrunched up in concern as he looked Sam up and down, searching for injuries.

"Yeah, I'm sure, and really Dean I'm alright other than being a bit shaken up and embarrassed." Sam huffed out. He really was beginning to wonder about his dreams and how weak they were leaving him but he didn't want to worry his brother anymore than he already had.

Dean nudged Sam with his shoulder. "Nothing to be embarrassed about dude, after the month you've had you're bound to have some nightmares. You were always prone to them anyway. Sure you don't want to talk about your bad dream?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I just want to get up and clear my head." Sam said as he slowly rose from his bed. He was thankful that his body cooperated with him this time.

Dean nodded and stood. "Hey there's a basketball game on that I was watching, care to join me?"

Sam gave his brother a grateful smile. "Yeah, sounds like a plan."

It was his hope that giving himself time to clear his head, his mind would leave him alone and so would Mara.

**A/N:** Again, just want to thank you guys for the wonderful reviews! They make my day. Oh and a big thanks to Floralia and Sendintheclowns for making this readable! :0)


	13. Chapter 13

I Remember You

Chapter Thirteen

Sam was happy that the next few days went by without bad dreams or him feeling weak. Things were back to normal, or normal as he knew it.

Dean was running Bobby's business during the day. Sam spent his day digging through books on the supernatural trying to find a lead on regaining his memory and helping Bobby out by researching a few things for him.

He hadn't made any head way on the memory research and it was frustrating. Sam now felt like a brother to Dean, but he knew he was missing out on some important memories. Memories that bonded siblings and it looked like he might never regain them.

So in a way felt he might never regain himself. After all, one's life experiences were essential in molding the person you become.

It was frustrating and made him feel like a burden to Dean even if he wasn't feeling weak anymore. He was keeping his brother from pursuing hunting. And though Sam didn't remember his life as hunter, he knew from the way that Dean's eyes lit up as he recalled past hunts, his brother lived for them.

Sam needed to remember and so he continued his fruitless search. Each day digging through old tomes that were covered in a dust and while interesting, didn't hold the information Sam needed.

-0-

Dean was pleased with the ways things had been going over the last few days. Sammy was on the mend again, and hopefully with no setbacks this time.

They had found a nice rhythm, with Dean working in the yard during the day with Sam spending his days researching. Once the geek boy, always the geek boy.

He did feel a bit guilty keeping Sam in the dark so to speak. The boy was poring over books looking for the answer to his memory loss and Dean held the answer.

Dean had never liked keeping secrets from Sam, and this time wasn't any easier than the last. And what a blast it had been keeping Sam in the dark over their father's last words to Dean. _Dean you have to save Sam and if you can't you might have to kill him. _Thanks Dad!

This time he felt better about keeping the secret, because by doing so he was setting Sam up for a normal life. Once his year was up, Sam would mourn, but he'd be able to move on.

He might even get the kid interested in looking into colleges before the end, that would be perfect for the kid. But for now, he just needed to keep Sam safe until Ruby caught that demon cult. Then hopefully with some hex bags to cloak Sam, the kid could go back to school and a normal life.

Dean sighed, he just wished that he would be around to see Sam have his normal.

-0-

Dean was taking a break from the mid-morning tasks when his cell phone went off.

Caller ID said Bobby. "Hey Bobby." Dean answered quickly.

"Dean, when were you going to tell me Josh called?" Bobby's voice was full of anger.

"Uh well, I kind of decided to handle that situation myself." Dean stammered out, looking around to make sure Sam was still in the house.

"By handling, you mean keeping the answer to Sam's memory loss a secret. Why Dean?" Bobby's voice was frustrated.

"I kept the information, but I just thought that things right now are good. Sam is good. And him not knowing all the crap we've been through, and not having to face the deal was a good thing." Dean sighed. He hoped he could get Bobby to understand.

"I get where you mind is boy, but it's not fair. It's not your place to keep the boy in the dark. He needs to be given the choice." Bobby was pleading now and Dean knew at that moment that he was being a bit selfish, but he didn't care.

"But Sam could have normal. I'm so afraid of what will happen to him at the end of the year." Dean's voice became a bit angry.

"I'm afraid for you and the kid. But, he's a grown man, and needs to be able to make his own decisions. Arguing on the phone isn't the best way to go about this, we need to talk in person. So I'm heading your way, and I should get there in a day or so."

"Bobby, just promise to hear me out when you get here. I know I can prove that Sam is better off."

"I'll hear you out, in person. Bye Dean."

"Bye." Dean clicked the phone off and felt his stomach clinch. His best laid plans might now be for naught.

Dean was determined to steer Bobby to his way of thinking. It was the only way.

-0-

Sam was tired of reading, and it was still too early for lunch. A walk to clear his head sounded good.

He closed the old book he was looking through and headed out into the yard looking for his brother.

Dean was staring off in space when Sam approached, evidently pondering over something important and he was reluctant to bother him. Sam knew that his brother would worry if he just took off for a walk without telling him first.

Sam walked up and quietly called out his brother's name. "Dean."

The older brother jumped. "Sammy, don't do that, you scared the crap out of me."

Sam smiled sheepishly. "Sorry to interrupt your daydreams, was she hot?"

"Of course!" Dean smirked back. "So what's up little brother?"

"Nothing really, I'm just tired of reading and I thought I might take a walk out to the pond and back before lunch if that's cool with you?"

Sam hoped that his over protective brother would be okay with him walking so far away by himself. After his recent relapse of dizziness, Dean hadn't let him stray far.

"Sure thing Sammy, just take your cell phone with you okay?"

"Sure thing Mom." Sam gave his brother a grin, happy to be able to get a way for a bit.

"That's 'awesome big brother' to you kiddo, and just to the pond and back. Two miles is as far as I want you walking until we're sure you're a hundred percent." Dean's tone was a bit stern.

Sam huffed, feeling about five years old. "I promise, and I'll look both ways before I cross the road."

"Glad you remember how to be safe Sammy."

"Jerk!"

"Bitch!"

-0-

Sam was a bit flustered with his brother as he started his walk. He understood that his brother was just being protective when he issued orders, but it always made Sam feel like a kid.

He hoped that once his memory returned they would be on more equal ground but he somehow doubted it. Bobby had said Dean had always been protective when it came to his family, especially Sam.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the air was cool but not cold.

He took the walk slowly, as he left the scrap yard there was actual nature to take in.

Bobby had a path that ran behind his house to a pond about a mile away. It was a perfect place to get away.

No neighbors nearby to be bothered with, which seemed to suit Bobby just fine and Sam was happy to find the solitude. It was nice to get a way even if it was only for a little while.

Sam had reached the pond and decided to have a seat along the bank. He was skimming rocks across the water when a voice interrupted the silence.

"I've come for you Sam, are you ready?"

-0-

Dean had been fretting over Bobby's call when Sam had shown up. He was happy to send Sam on a walk, because at the moment he needed to be alone to think.

He was so sure that he was on the right path but now after his talk with Bobby, he was forced to re-examine his decision to keep Sam from remembering.

Sam had been gone about thirty minutes when Dean decided to go in and grab himself a beer. He stopped in his tracks when a familiar voice called his name.

"Dean, did you miss me?"

Dean swung around and was frustrated that his quiet was interrupted by Ruby.

"Well if it isn't Ruby the friendly demon bitch. What brings you here? Hopefully news that you caught up with that demon clan you were after." Dean watched as Ruby's face fell a bit.

"Uh about that, they kind of got away. But I traced the leader and that's why I'm here." Ruby huffed out.

"Okay, shoot, what's going on?" Dean waited hoping that Ruby was at least ready to take the leader out.

"Uh, first things first, where's Sam? He really should be here to hear this."

"He went for a walk, he'll be back soon." Dean was relieved that Sam wasn't there to deal with this demon shit.

"You let him go off by himself, knowing that there is a group of demons out to get him? You are one stupid son-of- a -bitch." Ruby statement was like a slap in the face. Feelings of anger and dread hit Dean hard.

"What…"

Ruby cut him off. "I traced Mara to this area Dean. She's here and she's gunning for Sam. We need to get to him now."

Dean nodded. He ran to the Impala and grabbed weapons. Then he started running down the path Sam had taken hoping that he would get to Sam before the demon bitch did.

-0-

Sam jumped up and realized that the woman from his nightmares was standing behind him smiling. He started to run, but before he got far he felt himself being thrown by an unseen force.

The air was knocked out of him as he was pinned up against a tree. Sam was barely able to drawn in a breath and he was paralyzed.

The demon approached him tisking. "Sam, when are you going to learn you belong to me? There is no running, not anymore. You're mine."

Sam swallowed hard and tried to speak. He was able to rasp out a response. "What do you want?"

Mara laid her hand over his forehead and closed her eyes. "Shhh, let me … oh isn't this delicious, you still don't have your memories do you? I thought someone as resourceful as your brother would have found a way to restore them. Well, tell you what, let me give you one of them back."

Mara's hand on his forehead began to feel warm and then it burned his skin. His head felt like it was about to crack open as she pushed a memory inside. Sam tried to breathe through the intense pain as pictures - memories- flashed in his head.

_Sam was lying in a hospital bed. A group of robed figures surrounded him. Mara was next to him, with a knife in hand. "__Once we share blood you will belong to me Sam.**"**_

_Sam watched as she drew blood from her forearm and then his. He felt phantom pain in his right arm as he remembered the pain from the ritual. Once his blood mixed with hers, the pain had been intense. It had caused him to lose consciousness._

"See Sam, I told you that you belong to me. Now you remember." Mara purred in his ear.

"You planted the other memories, why not plant one more?" Sam spat back angrily.

"Oh well, that's true, I could have but I didn't. You will come with me one way or another, you just need to accept that, baby." Mara ran her hand seductively down his chest.

Sam shivered and wanted to get away, but he wasn't able to move at all.

She then moved her hand down further, between his legs, stroking his flaccid cock.

"We could bond in another way, if that suits you better?" Mara took her other hand and brought Sam's head down for a kiss.

It was hard to resist, his body wasn't obeying him anymore. But he could still speak, tell her what he thought.

"No! Let me go, you bitch!" Sam spat out as soon as she relinquished his lips.

"Oh so I need to teach you some respect, is that it?" Mara's tone became angry as she pulled away.

"I'm your master. You bow down to me." Mara raised her hand almost in salute and then lowered it. As she did, Sam felt himself being dragged down. Down to the ground on his knees in front of the demonic woman.

"Bitch!"

"I said you will respect me, and I meant it." Sam wasn't in control of his body, he wasn't able to move as she crouched down beside him, running her fingers down his chest. As she did, he felt his skin rip open under her fingers. The pain was overwhelming. He had never felt anything like it before. The blood began to seep through his shirt.

"Please stop." Sam was having trouble breathing, and he knew he didn't have long before unconsciousness took him. He mind began to wander, he wondered if his brother would find him this time. Or would he just disappear with his new master. She had won, he knew that.

"You are mine now Sam. Come away with me and the pain will stop." Mara whispered in his ear.

"I.." Sam stumbled not sure what to say, just wanting the pain to stop.

"Say that you are mine and it'll be over Sam. I promise."

Sam's hope was gone, he knew he had no choice. "I'm yours." He sputtered out.

_I'm so sorry Dean. _

Sam felt his body become his own to move again and with the pain throbbing through his chest, he wasn't able to stay upright. He slowly began to fall forward into the arms of his new master.

**A/N: **Don't hate me- I promise to update really soon! Thanks for reading and thanks for all the wonderful reviews!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Dean quelled his panic as he and Ruby took off after Sam. He needed to be in hunter mode in order to help Sam, if in fact the demon had him.

"So Deano, here's a hex bag, hang it around your neck, it'll help keep you cloaked so we can sneak up on Sam and his girl." Ruby tossed a bag Dean's direction.

"Thanks skank, oh I made a rhyme." Dean grumbled back as he put the fowl bag around his neck. "Man this smells like ass, so we avoid being detected by demons and attract the bears?"

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Dude we need a plan and like now."

"Sam's my responsibility. You take out the bitch with your pig sticker and I'll grab my brother." Dean huffed out as the made good time down the path leading to the pond.

"Sure leave the dirty work to me." Ruby spewed back.

"Oh, just be careful, wouldn't want you to break a nail." Dean smirked back and then motioned for her to stop as he noticed movement up ahead.

Dean and Ruby hid behind a tree and surveyed the area. Dean's heart nearly stopped as he spied Sam kneeling on the ground, with the demon bitch perched in front of him.

Ruby motioned for them to move, and Dean followed her lead.

It all happened so fast. Ruby grabbed the demon bitch from behind, dragging her away.

Dean slid on the ground in front of his brother, gasping at the site of blood flowing from the kid's chest. The kid's shirt was soaked with the red fluid and the smell of the blood assaulted Dean's nose. He grabbed Sam just as his eyes rolled in the back of his head and he went limp in Dean's arms.

Dean struggled to breathe, as he felt his brother fall against his shoulder, eyes closed. _ No this can't be happening, not again. Please God no!_

"Sammy, you can't do this to me. You hear me, you can't leave me again. You can't." Dean no longer could think straight. Words and emotions just poured out just as Sam's blood gushed out now soaking Dean's shirt.

-0-

Ruby had enjoyed this kill. Mara and her followers acted so superior, thought they had all the answers for world domination. It was a pleasure to kill the smug bitch.

In fact, it was pretty easy. Grabbing the woman from behind, she quickly hauled her away from Sam and slit her throat. It was over in a matter of moments.

She was contemplating the best way to get rid of the body when she heard Dean.

He was holding Sam and babbling incoherently, which puzzled Ruby.

Oh she knew that Sam was Dean's weakness, but Sam had to be okay. Mara wanted Sam, so there was no way the demon bitch would have maimed or killed the boy. Hurt him yes, but she doubted even that.

But taking in Dean's appearance it seemed he was going into shock and that made her reconsider her opinion on Sam's state.

Sighing she walked over and tried to pull the young man from Dean's grip. Finding that impossible she placed two fingers to the boys pulse point and found a strong heart beat. She then placed a hand on Sam's back and she could feel him taking a breath.

Dean was still babbling that Sam couldn't leave him, so Ruby decided that the hunter needed a reality check.

She reached over and slapped Dean across the face. Ruby was relieved to have the distraught man's attention.

"Dean, Sam is alive. He's breathing." She spoke softly hoping that the words would sink in.

Dean then brought his own fingers up to Sam's pulse point and seamed to relax as he felt his brother's heart beat.

Ruby decided to take charge. "Dean, let's lay him down and check his injuries, okay?"

Dean nodded, and gently laid his brother down. It was evident to Ruby right away that while the wounds on Sam's chest were nasty the blood had begun to clot, some of it was dried to Sam's shirt.

"Dean, it looks like the bleeding is stopping, and if we lift his shirt, it will probably make him bleed again. Why don't we just move him to the house, and then inspect the wounds. I don't think they're deep." Ruby spoke slowly hoping to reach Dean.

Dean was gaining some color but continued to look lost. "How are we going to get him back?"

Ruby couldn't help but smirk. "Duh, I'm a demon so I could carry him by myself if needed. Why don't we see if we can get Sam in a standing position and you can shoulder one side and I'll take the other?"

Dean took a moment to think it over and then started to lift Sam into a sitting position. "Come on little brother, we need to get you back to the house."

Ruby helped lift Sam to a standing position, and was shocked at how heavy the lanky kid was. Between her and Dean, they were able to get the boy moving.

-0-

Dean had Sam's right arm slung over his shoulder. Dean was moving on auto pilot following Ruby's lead.

He had been so sure that Sam was gone. Holding his little brother in his arms by the pond had been too similar to Cold Oaks and because of that Dean had checked out for awhile.

For the first time since meeting the demon bitch, he was actually thankful to have her with him. She had helped him regain his grasp on reality, and the fact that Sam was alive.

Time seemed to pass slowly, but eventually, they reached Bobby's house. It was a relief to finally deposit his brother on the couch.

"Ruby, would you head to the bathroom and wet some towels? We need to clean Sam up to check his injuries. There's a first aid kit under the sink." Dean was happy when Ruby didn't give him a snarky reply and just headed towards the bathroom.

Dean took a moment to take in his brother's appearance. The kid was pale, but seemed to be breathing just fine and his heart beat was strong. Sam's shirt was glued to him due to the dried blood.

Dean was brought out of his assessment when Ruby returned and handed him a wet towel. Dean carefully placed the towel over his brother's t-shirt, hoping to loosen the blood's grip to Sam's skin. He was thankful that Sam hadn't buttoned the outer shirt he was wearing so that the blood had only soaked through the kids t-shirt.

Dean grabbed a pair of scissors out of the kit and carefully cut the shirt away from his brother's chest. He winced in sympathy as he pulled the shirt away.

The wounds weren't deep, but they were red and angry.

Ruby spoke up after taking a peak at the injuries. "Dean, I think some holy water is going to be necessary."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I think your right. Bobby keeps a blue pitcher full of it in his fridge. Would you grab it?"

"Dude, don't get used to ordering me around." Ruby snapped as she set off towards the kitchen.

Dean's stomach turned at the thought of pouring the holy liquid on Sam's chest. He knew it would burn and cause his brother more pain. He just hoped his brother stayed unconscious through the process.

Ruby returned with the pitcher and sat down next to Dean on the coffee table next to the couch Sam was now occupying.

She cleared her throat. "This is going to hurt like a bitch, one of us needs to hold him down and since I don't want to be splashed with this shit, I think that job should be yours."

"Yeah." Dean replied quietly, hating to take part in this part of Sam's treatment. He kneeled down next to Sam and placed each of his hands on Sam's biceps and then nodded to Ruby that he was ready.

Ruby rose from her spot on the table and slowly began to pour the liquid across Sam's chest. The skin began to sizzle and a moan escaped from Sam.

Sam's eyes shot open and the kid began to struggle against Dean.

"Sammy hold on, it'll be over in a minute."

The younger man continued to struggle until the sizzling stopped and then he collapsed against the couch, wide eyed.

Dean grabbed one of the towels that Ruby had brought back from the bathroom and began to dry Sam's chest.

As he worked, Dean spoke quietly trying to calm his sibling. "Sammy, that bitch did a number on your chest, we need to get it taken care of, okay?"

A single tear flowed and Sam seemed to be with them. "Mara, is she gone?" The voice was soft and full of fear.

Ruby patted Sam awkwardly on the arm. "Sammy, the bitch is dead. Speaking of which, I need to take care of a body."

Dean was happy to see Ruby leave. It was nice to not have an audience as he cared for Sam.

"Sammy, the demon is dead." Dean watched as Sam nodded in acknowledgment.

"She said I belonged to her. I tried to fight her." Sam's voice was raspy and raw, probably from screaming.

"You did good Sammy. If you hadn't fought her, we might not have got there in time." Dean watched as Sam relaxed at that statement.

"God, she was tearing my chest open. I thought I was going to die." Sam's voice was shaky and full of fear.

"She did a number on you, but while the scratches are red and painful, there not deep. In fact, I think I'll just slap some butterfly band aids on the deeper ones and put antibiotic over all of it." Dean reached into the first aid kit and pulled out the supplies he needed.

Sam stayed awake as Dean administered to his injuries. He was quiet, and Dean could tell his baby brother was still in pain.

"Sammy, I'm going to get you some water so you can take some pain pills okay?"

Sam nodded and Dean hurried to get the water and pills. Once he returned, he quickly helped Sam sit up so that he could take the medication. It was a relief when after twenty minutes, his brother lost his battle with consciousness.

-0-

Things were quiet over night at Bobby's and Dean was thankful. Ruby had disposed of the demon bitch's body and then left to see if she could take care of the rest of the demonic group.

Dean had taken up residence in an easy chair that he had pulled up next to the couch. Sam had slept peacefully through the night and at some point Dean dozed off himself.

His sleep was interrupted by a key rattling in the front door. Dean sprang into hunter's mode until he recognized the ball-capped figure that stepped into the house.

"What the hell Dean? I thought Sam was getting better." Bobby grunted out as he approached the living room.

Dean felt a ping of guilt as he realized he hadn't thought to call Bobby about the demon leader's invasion of his property.

Sighing heavily, he motioned for Bobby to follow him into the kitchen where he could talk to the elder hunter without disturbing his brother.

Dean took a seat at the kitchen table and watched as Bobby sat down across from him.

"The leader of that the demon group that took Sam came after him. He had taken a walk to the pond when Ruby showed up. She told me the demon bitch was in the area and we went to look for Sam." It was hard for Dean to recount the previous day's events. It was all too fresh and still painful to recall.

"Kid got hurt?" Bobby's face was full of concern.

Dean swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah, when Ruby and I got there the bitch had him on his knees and she was on her knees in front of him. Ruby pulled the demon away from Sam, and I slid down beside him.

"Bobby it was Cold Oaks all over again. Blood covered his shirt and he went limp in my arms. I just froze and lost it. I just knew I had lost him…" Dean stopped, taking a moment to collect himself.

"Ruby killed the demon and then checked on Sam. When she realized he was okay, she hit me." Dean absently rubbed his cheek, it still smarted a bit.

"She what?" Bobby voice was full of anger.

"Brought me out of the shock of the situation, and I was able to function again." Dean admitted quietly.

"Damn it, wish I could have been here. Is Sam okay?" Bobby's face was full of concern.

"Yeah, she scratched his chest up pretty good, but it's not deep. It was red and swollen and I'm sure painful. We had to clean it with Holy Water, and that had to hurt like a bitch. But otherwise, he's good. I didn't have to stitch him." Dean could hear the relief in his own voice.

"So Ruby still here?"

"Nah, she took care of the body and then headed out to look for more of the demon group after Sam. She seemed to think that Sam was safe though." Dean wasn't so sure himself, and because of that was grateful that Ruby was going after the rest of the group.

"She's probably right, once a leaders gone the group usually falls apart. But it doesn't hurt to make sure. So I'd bet you and Sam could use some breakfast?" Bobby asked as he got up from his seat, heading for the coffee pot.

"Thanks Bobby." Dean got up from the table ready to go back to his brother. "I'm going to check on Sam."

-0-

Sam woke up to the sound of his brother talking quietly. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Hey Sammy, how you feeling?" Dean asked as he sat down on the coffee table next to the couch.

Sam slowly started to sit up. His chest was sore, and he had a bit of a headache, but he felt okay over all.

"Sore but okay." Sam admitted and then realized that Bobby was standing next to the couch. "Hey Bobby."

"Hey Sam, are you hungry?"

Sam could see the concern in Bobby and Dean's faces.

"No not right now, maybe later?" Sam gave Bobby a small smile.

Bobby nodded. "Just let me know, I'm going to make some more coffee. Dean and I finished it off."

Sam watched as Bobby left him alone with his brother.

"Sammy, I want to apologize, I shouldn't have left you alone with that Demon leader still on the loose." Dean's voice was thick and full of emotion.

It made Sam feel awful that Dean felt guilty. Sam knew it was his fault that he was attacked. He had ignored his dreams and had kept them to himself.

Sam knew that he was capable of visions; Dean had shared that with him. If he had shared his dreams with Dean, he might have realized that they were full blown visions and not just dreams.

Sam knew he had to own up to his failure. He couldn't let his brother take on the guilt that belonged to him.

He swallowed hard. "No, it's not your fault Dean. I-I've been having these dreams. Mara has been coming to me in my dreams telling me she was coming. I wrote them off as just dreams, I should have realized that they were more than that, maybe a vision. I should have told you about them."

Sam was shocked by his brother's reaction. Dean's eyes went wide. He quickly stood and fled the room, leaving Sam puzzled and confused.

-0-

Dean had to get some air. The minute his brother brought up the dreams he knew that it was his fault that Sam got hurt.

He had been so sure that keeping Sam's memories from him was the right thing to do. Thinking back he realized that it had been the selfish thing to do. He didn't want to watch Sam suffer as his deal went down, so he had kept Sam's memories from him.

In the end, it was his fault Sam had gotten hurt. If he had given Sam his memories back, the kid would have known that he was having visions. His little brother would have known that Mara was coming for him and would have been able to fight her off. Now, Dean had to live with the guilt of causing his brother pain.

**A/N: **So the threat is gone- and the boys are left with guilt! The next few chapters will deal with helping Sam regain his memory and both boys dealing with what happened. More soon- thanks for reading and especially for the wonderful reviews! :0)


	15. Chapter 15

I Remember You

Chapter 15

Sam had felt relieved that his brother had been able to rescue him. The idea of spending the rest of his life serving Mara had really frightened him. He had almost given in; the pain had been so intense.

In the comfort of Bobby's house, the only home Sam really remembered, he felt safe.

Watching his brother fuss over him made him feel secure, and that was as good feeling. Just a few weeks ago, being the focus of Dean's attention made him uneasy; there were no memories to ground him. But now, after all they had been through, he felt close to the older man.

It felt right to have Dean there to protect him. Even without his memories, Sam had reached a point where Dean felt like his brother.

Things were going okay. The demon was dead, his injuries weren't severe, but then Dean apologized.

"Sammy, I want to apologize, I shouldn't have left you alone with that Demon leader still on the loose."

Sam couldn't stand to see the guilt in his brother's eyes, especially when Sam knew that it was his fault he had been attacked. He should have told Dean about his weird dreams where Mara had told him she was coming for him.

Instead he had tried to pretend things were okay, not wanting to be a burden. Sam realized now that he should have sucked it up and told his brother about the dreams. He knew he needed to come clean so that Dean wouldn't feel guilty anymore.

But when Sam told Dean about the dreams, things went totally south with Dean bolting from the room.

Sam couldn't wrap his mind around what had happened.

I need to find Dean, and … Sam wasn't sure what he would do, but he needed to know what was going on in Dean's head.

Taking a deep calming breath Sam slowly rose from the couch. The room began to spin and Sam was very thankful that he hadn't eaten anything yet. His stomach churned and he fought the nauseas feeling.

Sam's determination was probably the only thing keeping him upright. Slowly he took a step, and then another. He had made it past the furniture in the living room when things started to get a bit blurry. Sam cursed his body and then the blackness claimed him.

When he awoke, he was staring up at Bobby. _How did I get on the floor?_ Was his first thought, and then he had a flash of memory. Blackness had assaulted him on his way to find Dean. _Damn it._

"You okay kid?" Bobby's voice and face were full of concern.

"Yeah, just thought that I could walk, when I guess I can't." Sam gruffed out.

"And why would you need to take a walk?" Bobby's face shone with confusion.

"I made Dean leave. He apologized for leaving me alone with the demon still out there, and I told him that it wasn't his fault. I told him it was my fault because I've been having these dreams about the demon leader. She told me she was coming for me. I should have told you guys, but I didn't want to be a burden. I think I pissed him off, so I wanted to talk to him." Sam slowly sat up, wincing as his chest complained.

"Whoah, there. Take it easy Sam. Let's see if we can get you back on the couch, okay?" Bobby placed steadying hands on Sam's shoulders.

"Thanks Bobby, but could you help me find Dean?" Sam was determined to work things out with Dean.

"I'll go find Dean and bring him to you. You're not going anywhere without passing out again, and you're too heavy for me to carry!" Bobby snapped back.

Sam reluctantly gave in and let Bobby guide him back to the couch. Once he was settled, Sam grabbed Bobby's arm.

"Make him come talk to me, please Bobby?" Sam could see the older hunter was uncomfortable as he shifted foot to foot and then patted Sam on his hand before pulling away.

"I'll do my best boy, I promise." Bobby turned and headed outside.

Sam realized as he relaxed a bit, that his body was ready to give out. Sam sighed in frustration and let the exhaustion take him.

-0-

Bobby swore under his breath. Those Winchester boys were going to be the death of him.

He had thought things were okay. Sam's injuries hadn't been serious. Ruby was gone, and the demon was dead, so it took the older man by surprise when he heard a loud **thud** that sounded like it came from the living room.

Bobby had rushed into the living room and about had a heart attack at the sight before him. Sam was laid out on his back unconscious. Luckily, he had been able to revive the boy fairly quickly.

His relief was replaced by worry as he listened to the distraught boy recount that Dean had run out after Sam had taken blame for the afternoon's attack. The boy had been hiding his dreams about the demon, and Dean had taken off.

Bobby wasn't sure what was going on in Dean's head, but he knew he needed to find out in order to calm the younger brother.

He was thankful that the stubborn kid hadn't put up too much of a fight about lying back down. Sam's pleading had about broken his heart, and with a lot of trepidation, he left to seek out the other brother.

Once Bobby had stepped outside, he located Dean fairly quickly. The young man was sitting on top of his beloved car, which was parked out front.

He slowly approached Dean, who seemed to be deep in thought. Not wanting to spook the kid, he spoke softly. "Hey."

Dean nodded. "Hey."

Bobby removed his hat and scratched at his head nervously and put it back on. "So Sam thinks your upset with him, is that so?"

Dean's eyes went wide. "No, why would he think that?"

"Well, he confesses that he's kept his dreams from you and then you turn tail and run." Bobby stated in a matter of fact tone.

"Huh, yeah I guess I need to talk to him. I just need a minute." Dean sighed.

"What's going on with you Dean?"

"It's just when Sam mentioned the dreams about the demon, it hit me. I realized that if I hadn't been so stubborn about keeping his memories from him… then he would have known the dreams were more than dreams. Sam would have been more prepared- we would have been more prepared for this attack. I messed up Bobby, messed up big." Dean's face was full of misery.

"Maybe, maybe not. What if Sam took the information from the dreams and went after the demon by himself? As driven as Sam has been I wouldn't have put it past him."

"No way, we're a team." Dean tried to sound convincing but Bobby could see the doubt in his face.

"Like I said, maybe. The thing here is to remember that neither of you are at fault. This all started with the Yellow Eyed Demon and his legacy is the Winchester misery. You shouldn't have kept Sam's memories from him and he shouldn't have kept the dreams to himself. Both of you had your reasons. Reasons that you felt were in each other's best interests." Bobby sighed, both of those boys were too stubborn for their own good.

Dean smirked. "We're both a pain in your ass, huh?"

"To put it mildly. So Dean do me a favor, go back in there and reassure Sam. I'll let him know that while I was gone I found a reversal ritual for the demon amnesia and we'll move forward."

"You don't think I should tell him that I kept the ritual from him?" Dean looked confused.

"What good is it going to do? If you bring it up, you'll have to bring up the reasons, the deal , and that's just going to make the boy mad. Let's get the kid's memory back, and move forward. Sam's going to be pissed enough when he realizes he's been out of the game for a month." Bobby grimaced with the last statement.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, he is."

"But I have some notes on stuff I've found out about the deal, so at least he'll know I was working on it while he couldn't." Bobby hoped that would be enough to appease the younger Winchester.

"He'll still be pissed, especially if he remembers the past month and me keeping the deal from him."

"Yeah well, let's get back to the boy, he was really anxious to talk to you and passed out trying to get to outside."

Dean jumped up. "And you're just now telling me? Damn it."

"He's fine just weak."

"I'll determine that!." Dean spat back as he entered the house.

-0-

Dean was upset to see that Sam was unconscious.

Bobby had reassured him that Sam was just sleeping.

The fact that the kid's color was good and that he seemed to be breathing as in a deep sleep made Dean breath easier.

Taking a calming breath, he sat down in the easy chair next to the couch and waited for his brother to wake up. He now would have time to think over what he was going to tell Sam.

About an hour later, Sam stirred from the deep sleep that had taken him.

"Dean?" Sam was sitting up on the couch with sleepy eyes staring at him.

"Hey Sammy, so about my disappearing act earlier." Dean decided to get the unpleasantness out of the way.

"Uh, can I ask what that was about?" Sam's face was scrunched up in confusion as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"It hit me how close I came to losing you. I needed some air." Dean swallowed hard. It wasn't like he was lying to the kid. He was just keeping the 'feeling guilty that my actions almost caused me to lose you', part from Sam.

"Yeah, you did get pale, like a girl." Sam smirked.

"Whatever, you're the one who fainted like a girl." Dean returned the smirk.

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

Bobby cleared his throat, interrupting their brotherly banter. "So Sam, you feeling better?"

Dean took that moment to really look Sam over and was happy to see the boy had more color.

Sam sighed. "Yeah, I'm better."

Bobby nodded. "Good, I'm gonna get you something to eat so we don't have to pick you up off the floor again and then we need to talk."

Dean could tell that Sam was curious about Bobby's statement but remained quiet as the elder hunter left the room. To be honest, Dean was curious too, but knew better than to interrupt Bobby's plans with questions.

-0-

Sam was feeling a bit out of it physically, but mentally he was in a better place. Dean admitting to why he had taken off earlier had been a relief.

Now Sam was puzzled, he knew something was up with Bobby's cryptic 'we need to talk' statement.

Sam found himself struggling to eat a bowl of soup in order to find out what Bobby and Dean were up too. He could tell Dean was in on the 'secret' by the concerned glances he kept getting.

He had made it half way through the tomato soup when he pushed it away. "I'm done."

Dean smirked. "Samantha you barely ate half."

Sam pouted. "Not hungry Dean."

Bobby grumbled at them. "Boys don't start. Sam ate half so that's okay for now. I imagine his stomach is sore."

Sam now returned Dean's smirk. "Yeah my stomach's sore."

Dean just rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Sam couldn't keep his curiosity at bay in longer, so he spoke up. "Bobby you said we needed to talk?"

Bobby nodded as he took Sam's food tray and sat it down on the coffee table next to the couch.

Bobby settled in one of the two over worn easy chairs near the couch. Dean was in the other.

The older hunter cleared his throat and then spoke. "I want to clear the air here. Both of you are all too willing to play the blame game over what happened today. Well that ends now, it was the demon's fault, accept it and move on. Get my drift?"

Sam swallowed hard. He still felt guilt over the attack but knew from Bobby's tone the man meant business.

"Yes sir." Sam replied quietly.

Bobby then turned his attention to Dean, glaring at him he spoke. "Dean?"

Dean's eyes went wide and he spoke. "Yes sir."

Bobby nodded satisfied. "Good. No more of this yakking like girls over whose fault the attack was, we move on."

Sam nodded. "Uh, is that all you wanted to talk about?"

Sam could tell that Bobby was holding something back by how uneasy the man seemed.

"Sam, while I was on my trip, I received a call from a hunter friend, Joshua. It seems he ran across some other hunters who had dealt with this group of demons and their demon amnesia spell. He sent me the ritual and potion to reverse it. So we can cure you now Sam." Bobby gave Sam a warm smile.

"Oh, wow. Really?" Sam watched as Bobby nodded an affirmative. "So uh, when can we do this?"

"I was thinking we should give you a couple of days to heal. Some of these rituals can take a lot out of a person."

Sam glanced at Dean who was pale and quiet. He could tell something was bothering him.

Dean's reaction had Sam on edge too. The idea of doing any kind of ritual was worrisome. As much as Sam wanted his memories back, the idea of letting go of his control and trusting a demon potion and ritual scared him.

Sam gave Bobby a faint smile. "Sounds good Bobby, though I'd be lying if I told you the whole notion of doing a ritual didn't make me nervous."

Dean spoke up then. "Sammy, I promise that nothing bad is going to happen. I know the idea of a ritual is scary especially considering you have no memory of ever doing one before."

Sam couldn't help but interrupt. "No Dean, the problem is I have this pseudo dream memory of the original ritual, and then the memory that Mara forced me to remember when she attacked me."

Dean tensed in his seat. "What? You didn't tell me about that."

Sam took a deep calming breath. "There hasn't been time to tell you everything that happened."

"Sammy, now would be a good time to share." Dean's tone went from shock to concern.

"When I got to the pond, Mara was there and so strong. I couldn't fight her off. She pinned me to a tree, and then seemed surprised that I didn't have my memories back yet." Sam took a moment to calm himself, thinking back to the attack that was so recent was bringing back the fear he had felt.

As if sensing Sam's dilemma , Dean spoke. "It's okay Sam, take your time, she can't hurt you anymore."

Sam glanced over at his brother and then Bobby. Both men were giving him sympathetic smiles.

It took a moment but once Sam had a handle on his emotions he continued. "She said that she'd give me one of the memories back, and then she placed her hand on my forehead. God the pain was so intense, it was like she was physically pushing the memory into my head."

"Sammy, I'm so sorry I wasn't there." Dean whispered out.

"It's okay, really Dean, like Bobby said we need to let go of our guilt." It was Sam's turn to give his brother a reassuring smile.

Bobby cleared his throat. "So Sam, what memory did she force you to remember?"

Sam closed his eyes and concentrated. "It was like the last dream they had planted. Uh, I was at the hospital surrounded by people in robes. Mara was in a black robe and she cut her arm and mine to bind us together. I remember the pain that I felt when our arms joined together. It was so intense and then she said something like…Once we share blood you will belong to me Sam."

"Jeesh Sam, I can understand you not wanting to face another ritual." Dean's voice was emotional.

Sam opened his eyes and gave Dean a small smile.

"Well son, I don't think we have to worry about the binding part of the ritual that she performed. With Mara being dead, you're no longer bound to her." Bobby's voice was reassuring.

Dean gave Bobby a questioning look. "So didn't the other hunter that they used this on have to go through the binding ritual reversal?"

Bobby nodded. "Yeah, they had to do a ritual where they purified him and severed the connection. We're lucky, with the demon being dead we won't have to do that. So Sam there will be no blood involved with the reversal."

Sam let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. After hearing that the ritual wouldn't be like the one he remembered, Sam knew he could face this. He was ready to take his memories back.

**A/N: **I posted early because I'll be to busy to post over the next few days! I'll try to have something up either late Thursday or early Friday- thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

A good cup of coffee was just what Dean needed to steady his nerves, and he had found that in the well used kitchen in Bobby's house. Dean sat down at the table and took a moment to clear his head.

Dean felt a contradiction of emotions. He wanted his Sammy back. The one that he could communicate with a look, that was in sync with him on hunts. He wanted his kid brother back.

But, at the same time, life without Sam's memories had been nice. It was fun getting acquainted with a Sam who wasn't tainted by a whole life of tragedy. He was just beginning to feel connected to the new Sam, and he was enjoying this connection.

The recent events had proven to Dean that in the end Sam needed his memories. As long as demons were after his kid brother, it was imperative that Sam have all of his memories in order to be prepared for future attacks.

It didn't mean that Dean wasn't apprehensive because he was. The reversal ritual and potion was an unknown factor, to them, and he worried how they would affect Sam. Would there be side effects?

Then there was the guilt. Bobby had made it clear to Dean that it was best to let things go. He still felt guilt over keeping the reversal ritual and potion from Sam but he understood that revealing that fact now wouldn't help the situation. They needed to move on, time was too precious.

Plus, Dean really did feel Bobby was right about how Sam might have reacted to the Mara threat if he had had his memories. It was a very real fact that Sam probably would have gone after Mara on his own. That realization made Dean at peace with his decision to hold Sam's memories from him.

Dean was pulled from his thoughts as his little brother wandered into the kitchen wiping the sleep from his eyes. Sam still moved slowly and Dean could tell the boy was still suffering a bit of the after effects of the attack.

"Hey Sammy, get a good night's sleep?" Dean asked as Sam plopped down across from him.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom."

"Want some coffee?" Dean asked as he started to get up.

"Dean, I appreciate you taking care of me, but I'm not an invalid, I can get my own coffee." Sam snapped as he got up and moved towards the coffee pot.

"Dude, I was just…" Dean was cut off.

"I'm sorry Dean. It's just I'm so tired of being helpless and weak, but I shouldn't take it out on you." Sam gave Dean a small smile as he got himself a coffee mug down from the cabinet and began to pour himself some brew.

Dean waved it off. "Lil' brother, we are all on edge. Too much crap has happened, and I know I've snapped a few times. No worries."

Sam nodded in agreement. "Yeah, even Bobby has been a bit grumpier than usual."

Dean smiled as his brother sat back down. "Poor Bobby, we've made his life too exciting lately."

"Yep." Sam took a tentative sip of his hot coffee and then gave Dean a serious look. "So, I'm feeling better, and I was wondering if we should consider doing the ritual thing."

Dean had been dreading this moment, the longer he could postpone the ritual, in his mind the better.

Dean sighed and replied. "Uh, to be honest Sam, I'm not sure what kind of side effects you might suffer, so I'm not sure you're strong enough."

Sam frowned in confusion. "I thought this thing was used on another hunter without any bad side effects?"

Dean grimaced, feeling a battle coming on with his younger sibling. "Yeah well, that doesn't prove anything, it could affect each person differently."

Sam huffed. "It could but you don't know that!"

"True, but when it comes to your health, I don't want to take any chances." Dean struggled to keep his voice calm. He really didn't want to fight with Sam. Life was literally too short to be fighting.

"I'm willing to take the chance, and it should be my decision Dean. I'm an adult, a fact I think you tend to forget." Sam's face was full of anger and frustration.

Dean realized quickly that Sam had made a decision and that nothing he said was going to change the kid's mind.

"Sam, I get that you want to get this over. I would too, if I were you. Let's just ask Bobby what he thinks, okay? If he thinks you're strong enough, then I'll support you in doing this now." Dean held his breath hoping that his brother would give in.

"I'm willing to get Bobby's opinion on this, but in the end, it's my decision." Sam's tone let Dean know that his brother meant business."

"Well, Bobby's doing research at his desk if you want to ask him now." Dean replied quietly.

Sam shrugged. "Might as well."

Sam got up and motioned for Dean to lead the way. "Age before beauty."

Dean smirked. He was glad to see a little of Sam's anger dissipating

"Whatever Samantha, I can't help it if my brother is so pretty." Dean felt Sam push his shoulder lightly.

"Shut up Dean!"

"Great come back Sammy."

-0-

Bobby could hear the boys shuffling his way. Both were doing their mutual brotherly banter.

"Boys, do you always have to act like your twelve?" Bobby gave them a friendly smirk.

"Dean can't help it if he acts his mental age." Sam replied.

Dean glared and then smiled. "Now that, Sammy was a decent come back."

Bobby watched as Sam rolled his eyes at his brother, and then shuffled nervously in front of him.

Sam took a deep breath and spoke. "Uh Bobby, I was wondering if you thought I would be strong enough to do the reversal ritual now?" The boy's eyes immediately fell to his feet as if something interesting was there.

"Well Sam, let me ask you a few questions and I want you to answer them honestly. Oh and Dean, you keep quiet, because I don't want this escalating into a fight." Bobby watched as Dean opened his mouth and then closed it, rolling his eyes.

Sam smirked at his brother. "Sure Bobby, shoot."

"So are you still experiencing headaches or dizziness?" Bobby knew that the first few days after the attack, Sam had suffered from horrible headaches and when he tried to stand, dizziness assaulted the boy. The kid seemed better now.

Sam smiled brightly. "No headaches or dizziness."

Bobby smiled back and noticed that even Dean had a bit of a grin on his face. It was nice to see Sam healthy for a change.

"How about fatigue?" Bobby watched Sam's face fall with that question.

"Uh, well I'm better but to be totally honest, by the end of the day, I'm pretty wiped out." Sam's face was full of disappointment.

Dean's face had fallen a bit too, but he was now sporting a reassuring smile.

Bobby nodded. "Well kid, that's to be expected. Your poor body has been through a lot. It's going to take time for it to recoup."

Sam's posture drooped at that statement. "So we wait?"

Bobby raised an eyebrow in thought. "Not necessarily boy. I mean, when they used the ritual and potion on that other hunter, they didn't wait, and I'm sure he was suffering from ill effects just like you. If you think you're up for it, then I'd be willing to help you."

Sam's face lit up a bit. "Really?"

Dean huffed and shuffled in place. Bobby knew that he wasn't happy with the turn of events.

Bobby sighed. "Are you sure you want to try this Sam?"

Sam smiled. "I need too. Part of me is missing and I want it back."

Dean stomped out of the room and Bobby heard the front door slam shut as the young hunter made a hasty retreat.

Sam looked at Bobby guiltily. "Dean's not happy."

Bobby took his hat off and wiped his brow before replacing his hat. "I'll talk to him, let's just give him time to cool off a bit."

Sam nodded in agreement. "So while we let him cool off can we get start on preparing?"

Bobby smiled fondly at Sam. It was really remarkable that this amnesic Sam was so much like the Sam he knew a loved.

"Not necessary Sam, I've been preparing since I got the information from Josh. Give me an hour to put the potion together, and talk to Dean, and we should be ready to begin."

Sam nodded, and Bobby could tell from the boy's nervous energy that he needed something to do, or he would go crazy waiting.

"Uh Sam, could you brew some fresh coffee and make something for an early lunch? I skipped breakfast and I'm starving."

Sam gave Bobby a small smile. "Sure thing Bobby. Sandwiches okay?"

"Yep, and I'll be in the kitchen in a minute to mix that potion."

-0-

Sam watched as Bobby put together a hodge podge of weird ingredients. He tried not to dwell on the fact that he would be expected to drink the mixture soon.

Sam just hoped he could keep the potion down. His stomach was in knots. He was worried and a bit afraid of the whole ritual and potion thing. Plus now that Dean was mad at him, he didn't have the brotherly support he craved, to get through the process.

He understood Dean's reluctance to proceed while he didn't feel a hundred percent, but Sam wasn't going to let that stop him. He couldn't wait any longer. Everyday he awoke with the feeling that something was missing, something wasn't right. It made his skin crawl at times.

Sam was also tired of being so weak and fragile. It was his hope that once the ritual was reversed, he would start to rebound health wise. He couldn't help but believe that Mara was still messing with his head and body, and he needed that influence gone if he was going to get better.

Sam was drawn out of his thoughts by Bobby's voice. "Boy, you sure are quiet. What'cha thinking about?"

Sam sighed, maybe he needed to share his fears and doubts with someone. It was getting hard to hold all the emotions in but he didn't want to be more of a burden than he already was.

"Uh, I was just thinking that I … well I understand why Dean's mad at me. I wish he wasn't."

"He'll come around, or at least we can try to get him too. You know if you shared your thoughts and feelings with him instead of yelling, he might be more understanding." Bobby never looked up as he spoke, he just continued to mix ingredients.

"He's not the caring and sharing sort. And, I'm beginning to get the feeling that I'm not either." Sam smiled at that thought. He was becoming more comfortable with who he was even without his memories.

"Damn Winchesters hold things close to the vest. I'll give you that." Bobby looked up and gave Sam a reassuring smile. "I'm almost finished here. Why don't you go and try to talk to Dean?"

Sam didn't want to face Dean yet, but he knew if he was going to move forward and do the ritual, he needed his brother's support.

"Yeah, okay." Sam replied as he headed outside.

-0-

Sam found Dean sitting in his car, with the music on. It was a bit chilly outside and Sam felt a shiver as he approached the car.

Sam took a deep breath and opened the passenger door, plopping himself down next to his brother. Dean looked over sizing Sam up.

"So Dean, can we talk? I mean really talk?" Sam was afraid to give Dean eye contact, he was afraid to see anger there, but he forced himself to look Dean's direction.

Dean gave Sam a tight nod. "Yeah, but let's talk, I'm tired of fighting."

"Dean, I've had some fears that I've been keeping to myself. With everything that has been going on, I didn't want to burden you with anything else." Sam looked down and played with a frayed spot on his jeans.

"Dude, we're family, you're never a burden. So get over yourself and spill!" Dean's voice was full of concern.

"Part of me doesn't want to do this stupid ritual. It scares me to death, but… I need to Dean. I wake up in the morning and I feel like I'm missing part of me. It's hard to explain, but … I feel like I need to do this to feel normal again." Sam heard his brother chuckle and looked up.

"Sorry Sam, it's just that our lives have never been normal. But I get what you're saying, I do. It's just we don't know what is going to happen when we perform the ritual, and I want you to be a hundred percent." Dean's face was full of concern.

"Yeah, and I get that, but there's something else… I'm not sure I'm going to get better, at least until the ritual is performed." Sam sighed and went back to picking at his jeans.

Sam felt Dean gently grab his chin and now he was staring at Dean.

Dean's voice was a mix of confusion and concern. "What are you talking about Sam?"

"It's just that I feel like Mara is still in control. I know she's dead, but I don't feel any different than when she was alive. If the bond was truly broken, wouldn't I be getting better? 'Cause, I don't feel better. I'm still fatigued and she haunts my dreams, telling me that I belong to her." Sam felt Dean's thumb pad wipe some moisture away from his face. It was then that Sam realized that he had started to cry.

"It's okay Sammy, we'll figure this out." Sam let his brother pull him into an embrace. While it was true that Sam didn't remember his past with Dean, it was like his subconscious did, because at this moment he felt great comfort in his brother's arms.

-0-

Dean held Sam and let the boy cry out all the fears and frustrations that he had been keeping inside of him. Sam was one to hold things close to the vest like most Winchesters but with the past month, Dean could tell the boy was at a breaking point. It was a relief that his brother had finally opened up.

He should have known that his brother was keeping stuff from him, the kid had been very quiet lately. Dean had just written it off as stress.

Leave it to Sam to think he was a burden, and not wanting to cause more problems by sharing his fears.

Oh and Dean now shared those fears. It made a lot of sense to the older sibling that, the demon while dead, might still be poisoning his little brother. The ritual had bound Sam to that damn demon and that couldn't be good.

They had thought with Mara's death, that Sam would have broken free of her influence but that didn't seem to be the case. Now that Sam had pointed it out, Dean realized that his brother had fallen right back into the same health pattern as before her death.

Sam would have a good day and then the next he would be wiped out. He hadn't been sleeping well, due to nightmares, but Dean had expected that after the traumatic events Sam had endured. So Dean just thought given time, his little brother would kick the fatigue, but now he wasn't so sure.

Dean was afraid that the reversal ritual and potion might not be enough, they might have to reverse the binding ritual also. That would mean recreating the blood sacrifice that his brother had suffered through at Mara's hands and Dean was fearful that in doing that, Sam might have a mental breakdown.

It was clear to Dean that once he had Sam calmed down, he needed to talk to Bobby to get this all worked out.

**A/N:** Sorry I was late updating! Real life got in the way- darn it! Two chapters left to go!


	17. Chapter 17

I Remember You

Chapter 17

Dean felt Sam slowly calm down in his arms. He knew the boy was drained from the way he sagged against him. _ Damn Demons, and the emotional toll they had taken on his little brother_.

Sam slowly pulled away, wiping tears and snot with his sleeve. Normally, Dean would have made a comment to lighten the mood, but he found he couldn't. He was too emotionally exhausted himself to speak, so the two sat in quiet for a little while.

It ended up being Bobby that broke that quiet, as he stepped up to the car. "Boys?" The elder hunter was staring at them with concern.

Dean broke into a weak smile. "Hey Bobby, just the man we needed to talk too. Uh, Sam, it's getting a bit chilly out here, wanna head inside and talk to Bobby?"

Sam gave both men a nod and slowly disentangled himself from the human ball he had made in the car.

Dean followed, and noticed that Bobby still had a concerned look planted on his face. Dean wanted to give the man a reassuring smile or gesture but couldn't. With Sam facing down emotional demons and unknown rituals, it was hard for Dean to be positive.

Dean followed Sam who made his way into the house and plopped down on the couch. Dean took a spot next to his brother while Bobby slowly lowered himself down in one of the easy chairs.

There was an awkward silence and then Bobby cleared his throat and spoke. "Uh, so I take it that we have something to discuss?"

Dean glanced over at Sam to see if his little brother was going to fill Bobby in. To his relief, it seemed Sam had control over his emotions and was ready to talk.

Sam shuffled around on the couch and then spoke. "I admitted to Dean that even though Mara is dead, I still feel off." Sam paused and cleared his throat. "Uh, I feel tired and weak just like I did before when she was controlling me, and I'm still having dreams. So I wonder if I could still be bonded to her?"

It was Bobby's turn to shuffle around uncomfortably. "Huh, well I've never run across this before, but I suppose it's possible. If she was a strong enough demon and the binding ritual she used was powerful enough, it would make sense for you to still be under her influence."

Dean whole body tensed at Bobby reply. "Is there any way to be sure?"

Bobby shook his head. "Nope. We can go ahead with what we have planned and if Sam still feels off after the reversal ritual, we can try to break the blood bond."

Dean was about to reply when his brother spoke up, venom and hate in his voice. "No, we're going to break this bond now. I can't do this anymore. It ends as soon as possible. I don't want to do the ritual and get my memory back only to be still linked to the demon."

Dean could understand his brother's frustrations and fear but was afraid of the emotional toll the reversal would take on Sam. "Bobby, what would breaking the blood bond entail?"

Bobby cleared his throat. "Not sure. I'd need to do a bit of research."

Sam nodded. "Then let's do this because the sooner we break this bond the better."

Dean gave his brother a reassuring smile, but inside his stomach clenched. His big brother instincts were in over drive, telling him to be worried.

-0-

Bobby was ready, well, as ready as he could be. He knew that Sam wanted to get things over with as soon as possible, and while Bobby didn't want to rush things, the fact was it would benefit both of the Winchester boy's mental health to get things done soon.

He found the boys in the kitchen drinking coffee.

Sam spoke first. "Did you find out what we need Bobby?"

"Yep, or at least I think so."

Dean bristled. "You think so?"

"Damn Dean, I'm doing my best here, but the fact remains we are dealing with a lot of unknowns." Bobby sighed in frustration. He understood why Dean was on edge he shared the frustration, but they were as close to an answer as they were going to be.

Sam swallowed hard and spoke. "What do we need to do to prepare?"

"We need to build an altar. One long enough to hold you and wide enough so that we can draw protective symbols on it." Bobby watched Sam's eyes widen with fear for a brief moment before he composed himself.

Dean noticed it too. "Sam we're basically going to have to recreate the ritual that got you into this mess. Are you going to be up for that?"

Sam wiped his hand down his face in frustration. "I can do this. I'm not gonna lie. It makes me nervous and it's not something that I look forward too, but it needs to be done. I need to be me again."

Bobby couldn't help but feel pride for Sam's bravery at that moment. "I have an idea about how we can go about building an altar. I thought we could weld together a couple of the older car hoods I have out back and lay them across my shop tables. That should give us enough room."

Dean nodded in agreement. "Oh yeah, you have those two seventies model Ford Thunderbirds and the hoods on them are really long. Long enough for Sasquatch here."

Sam smiled. "Jealous much?"

"Whatever dude, I'm not the one that has to shop in the big and tall section for my clothes." Dean huffed out with a smirk.

Bobby fought a smile listening to the boys go out it. He hated to break up the banter, but they needed to start preparations.

"Boys, enough already. Let's get this show on the road. Dean, I want you to help me pull the hoods and weld them together. Sam, would you go out to my shop and bring out the three small work tables? I figure doing this outside is going to give us enough room to move around."

"Yeah cause Paul Bunyan here laid out is going to need a lot of room."

Sam very quietly replied. "Shorty says what?"

Dean promptly replied. "What?"

Bobby couldn't help but laugh with Sam on that one. Dean turned bright red as he got the joke.

"Bitch!"

"Jerk!"

Bobby hated to break up the party but it they needed to get moving. "Boys! Let's get going."

-0-

Sam was nervous. Hell he was so anxious, his body wouldn't stop sweating.

In a few minutes, they would try and reverse the blood bond and the memory loss ritual.

Bobby looked up from placing the make shift alter together. "Sam, I'm going to need you to lie down on the altar before I draw the symbols around you. I can't have you smearing them as you climb up here."

"Sure Bobby, anything else that I need to do?" Sam shifted nervously in place.

Dean cleared his throat and Sam turned his attention to his brother. "Sammy, we need you to remove your shirt. As a precaution, I'm going to draw protection symbols on your chest and arms."

Sam swallowed hard. He wanted to question his brother on this action but knew better. Dean was barely holding it together and if drawing the symbols made Dean feel better, Sam wasn't going to argue about it.

"Okay." Sam first took off his button down shirt and then removed his t-shirt. His body shivered in the cold.

"Sorry Sammy, I know it's cold outside and laying on the altar is going to feel colder than a witch's tit, but I don't see another option." Dean gave Sam an apologetic smile.

Sam wanting to lighten things a bit, decided to reply with a brotherly snark. "Nice visual Dean."

Dean smirked, "Sorry to offend virgin ears with the word tit."

Bobby cleared his throat. "If it's any consolation Sam, this shouldn't take long. So the sooner we get this done the sooner you can relax inside with a cup of coffee."

Sam nodded. He remembered the dream memory of the ritual, and how it had been over in a matter of minutes.

Taking a calming breath he approached the make shift alter and gingerly sat down. He then took another breath and laid himself down on the cold metal platform. It was a smooth cold surface, and it made him shiver with more than just the cold.

Fear, anxiety and cold all rushed his body leaving his body tense and his skin full of goose bumps. His nipples were pebbled from the cold and he was having trouble catching his breath.

Sam nearly jumped from the altar when he felt a warm hand touch his arm. He had been so caught up in his panic that he hadn't noticed his brother approaching.

"Whoa, there Sammy, it's just me. You need to calm down, okay? Concentrate on your breathing, in and out." Dean had moved his hand from Sam's right arm to his hand.

Sam took comfort from his brother's touch. The last few weeks with no memory had been hard but the connection he felt to this man who was his brother had gotten him through.

He once again felt the need to remember this person, his brother. That helped ground him and allowed him to relax so that they could proceed.

"M' okay Dean. We can start." Sam was shocked at how lost and quiet his voice came out.

Dean gave his hand a squeeze and let go. "Alright, first things first Sammy! Time for me to get the markers out and draw pretty pictures on you."

Sam grinned, "Uh about that Dean, I only want protective symbols, not women's body parts drawn in permanent marker on my chest."

Sam caught the twinkle in his brother's eyes, and spoke again. "Or men's body parts!"

Dean chuckled. "Dude, you're no fun. Fine, I'll only draw the protective symbols, and maybe a smiley face or two."

Sam gave a fake huff. "Maybe I should let Bobby do this."

Bobby grumbled from the end of the altar near Sam's feet. "Sorry Sam, I'm busy drawing symbols on the altar. I don't have time to babysit your brother, so you'll have to trust him."

Dean hovered over Sam with a black marker in hand. "Yeah Dude, trust your brother."

Sam swallowed hard. His nerves were still on end, and the only thing keeping him going was his innate trust of Dean.

"Fine, just get it over with Dean."

Dean nodded and lowered the marker to Sam's abs. Sam couldn't help but flinch a bit as the marker touched his skin.

"Sammy, I see you're still super ticklish. Try and stay still dude, you don't want to mess up my awesome art work do you?"

"Sorry, I'll try to be still." Sam replied quietly and closed his eyes.

Sam decided to try and block everything out and just concentrate on his breathing. It worked because in what seemed a matter of minutes, Bobby informed him that they were ready.

Sam opened his eyes and noticed Dean watching him with concern written all over his face.

"Sam, you ready for this dude?" Dean took Sam's hand again.

"Yeah, I think so. What do we do next?" Sam asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

Bobby moved closer to Sam. "Well son, I think it would be best to break the blood bond and then move on to the memory reversal."

Dean squeezed Sam's hand. "I'm gonna let Bobby perform the ritual and I'll just be right here for support little brother."

Sam nodded. "Let's get this over."

Bobby moved away from the altar and then returned with a tray. "Alright Sam, first I need to clean your arm. We will have to spill blood from your arm using a silver knife. I've cleansed the knife already, but I need to clean and purify your skin with holy water and alcohol."

"Okay." Sam answered the man and then closed his eyes. Once again, Sam tried to concentrate on his breathing.

He felt Bobby grab his right arm. Dean's grasp still held his left hand tight. Sam tried to focus on Dean's touch, ignoring Bobby's.

Sam flinched as cold liquid was poured over his right arm. He then felt it being dried off. Once his skin is dry he feels his arm being swabbed with another cold liquid.

_Unbidden memories started invading his mind. It was his dream memories of walking with Jess into the college lecture room. Figures cloaked in brown robes, with one person dressed in a black robe._

_There is a peaceful feeling was she spoke to him._

"_Hi Sam, Jess has told us all about you. My name is Mara, are you ready to join our family? It is sad that yours has forsaken you, but we will take you in tonight as one of us. Forever, you will belong to our family."_

_The peaceful feeling left him as he stared into Mara's face._

_The scenery changes and he finds himself at Bobby's pond facing Mara. His body tenses in fear._

Memories flood his mind.

_Mara laid her hand over his forehead and closed her eyes. "Shhh, let me … oh isn't this delicious, you still don't have your memories do you? I thought someone as resourceful as your brother would have found a way to restore them. Well, tell you what, let me give you one of them back."_

_Mara's hand on his forehead began to feel warm and then it burned his skin. His head felt like it was about to crack open as she pushed a memory inside. Sam tried to breathe through the intense pain as pictures - memories flashed in his head._

The memories that were forced in his head felt more intense this time. He felt himself sweating despite the cold and strong hands were holding him down as the memories continued to assault him. Sam tried but couldn't shut them out.

_Sam was lying in a hospital bed. A group of robed figures surrounded him. Mara was next to him, with a knife in hand. "Once we share blood you will belong to me Sam."_

_Sam watched as she drew blood from her forearm and then his. He felt phantom pain in his right arm as he remembered the pain from the ritual. Once his blood mixed with hers, the pain had been intense. It had caused him to lose consciousness._

"_See Sam, I told you that you belong to me. Now you remember." Mara purred in his ear._

Sam struggled to breathe, to pull in air. His eyes shot open and he spotted his brother holding him down, concern and panic flitting across the man's face. Sam tried to focus on Dean, but his body wouldn't co-operate and soon he was pulled into darkness.

-0-

Part of Dean had wanted to perform the ritual, to be sure it was done right. Part of him wanted to be there for his brother during the ritual and that part won out.

Watching Bobby prepare to cut into Sam's arm, made Dean realize he had made the right choice.

Sam started to squirm a bit while Bobby poured Holy Water over his arm. Dean could tell that his brother was either beginning to panic or the ritual was already taking hold.

Bobby began to dry Sam's arm. "Dean, I'm not sure what to expect, but once we start this, we need to finish it. I think the kid is already feeling the power of the symbols. You might need to restrain him so that we can proceed."

Dean swallowed hard. "Yeah."

He then moved his hands up to Sam shoulders applying weight there. "I'm here little brother and this will be over soon."

Dean could tell that Sam was lost inside his own head when the kid didn't respond and began to struggle.

Bobby held the kids arm tight as he swabbed it down with alcohol.

Dean had to apply more weight as Sam began to writhe around on the altar. The kid was mumbling words, but not loud enough for Dean to understand. Sweat was pouring off of Sam, and Dean could tell that his little brother's skin was becoming heated.

Bobby picked up a note card with the words for the ritual written on it. "Ready Dean?"

"Hurry Bobby." Dean pleaded, he could tell Sam was in pain and he wanted it to end.

Latin began to flow off of Bobby's lips.

"Quondam vinculum per cruor , iam infractus per cruor. Cruor spilled hodie est pro Sam Winchester quod haud alius."

Sam began to whimper in pain. Dean wanted to stop the whole thing, it was killing to hold his brother down as the kid struggled in pain, but he knew they had to finish this for Sam to be free.

Dean watched wide eyed as Bobby picked the small silver knife from his tray and carefully moved it across Sam's arm. It wasn't a deep cut and Bobby had to squeeze to get the blood to flow.

Dean's attention was drawn back to Sam as the kid cried out in pain. Sam's whole body tensed as it struggled for breath.

"Sammy, you're okay, breathe." Dean screamed out and he was relieved when Sam's eyes shot open.

Dean's relief was short lived as he watched Sam's eyes roll back in his head and the kid passed out.

-0-

Bobby hadn't known what to expect with this ritual. He had hoped that it would be pretty straight forward and that Sam wouldn't have any ill effects, but he had been wrong- very wrong.

The kid lay lax in his brother's arms. It had been twenty minutes since they had finished the ritual and Sam hadn't moved. Bobby had carefully tended to Sam's knife wound as Dean tried to get his brother to wake with no avail.

Dean finally let go of Sam and slowly laid him back down on the altar. "Bobby we should take him inside."

"I know Dean, but I really think we should just finish this." Bobby waited for Dean to argue but was shocked when the fireworks didn't start.

Dean sighed and wiped his hand across his face in frustration. "I was thinking Bobby, could we finish the other ritual with him being unconscious? It might be easier on him that way."

"I think it would work just fine. Are you ready to move on then?" Bobby was shocked when Dean nodded and returned to Sam's side taking the kids left hand in his.

"Yeah, let's finish this." Dean said never taking his eyes off of his brother.

"I need to get this potion in him." Bobby held up the small vile that he had on his tray that was on top of the altar. "If I pour it in can you get him to swallow?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I've done it before." Dean let go of his brother's hand and moved to lift his head off of the altar.

Bobby used his hand to open the kid's mouth and then slowly poured the potion. Dean moved his hand over Sam's throat helping him to swallow the potion.

"Alright, we wait a few minutes for the potion to start working and then I need to recite the reversal spell."

Dean nodded as he gently laid Sam's head back down and returned to holding the kids hand.

Bobby picked up the note card with the ritual written on it. He went over the words as they waited for the potion to take effect.

It wasn't long before Sam became restless; his body jerking in spasms. The kid began to whimper and Dean looked at Bobby in concern.

"Why can't any of this be easy? Better get started." Dean's voice was full of frustration and concern.

Bobby nodded and began to read the words on his card.

"_Monumentum ut erant captus , es occupo ut reverto."_

Sam began to struggle and Dean held the kid down. And just as before, Sam's eyes shot open as he screamed in pain and then his body went lax as he was pulled into unconsciousness again.

Dean pulled his brother to him. "Damn it. I thought the other hunter's said this went relatively easy for them."

Bobby shrugged. "I'm guessing that in some hunter's experiences this was easy. We better get the kid inside."

Dean quickly had his brother in a fireman's carry and was following Bobby to the house.

Once they had the kid comfortablly laid out on the couch with blankets, Bobby broke the silence that had lingered.

"I'm gonna make some coffee, it might be a long night."

Dean nodded in agreement with his eyes never leaving Sam. The elder brother had pulled one of the easy chairs next to the couch and he held Sam's lax right hand in his.

Bobby sighed as he took in the Winchester boys, it **was** going to be a long night.

**A/N: **So we're getting down to the end. One chapter left and I should have that up really soon! Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

I Remember You

Chapter 18

Sam's head was throbbing. His eyelids felt like they were glued in place and his body felt too heavy to move. Taking a deep breath, Sam tried to get his thoughts together.

Memories began to flood him. He was kidnapped and taken to a hospital, by Jess only it wasn't his Jess.

He was at a hospital surrounded by demons. Sam began to panic. His eyes shot open.

Sam was having trouble breathing and his eyes didn't want to focus. He sat up, trying to get away. That was when he felt strong arms holding him down.

"No!" Sam continued to struggle, he needed to get away.

Another set of hands grabbed his legs and he was forced to lie back down. It was all he could do to catch his breath, he knew that there was no escape so he stopped struggling.

As his body went lax, he heard his name being called.

"Sammy, dude, are you with me?"

Dean, that was Dean's voice. Sam tracked the voice and stared at the unfocused form in front of him. The blurred vision was making him nauseous so he closed his eyes.

Sam tried to calm his body and spoke. "Dean?"

"Yeah, Sam I'm here and so is Bobby. You're safe at Bobby's house." Sam could hear the concern in his brother's voice.

Bobby's house. He realized then that he was lying bare backed on Bobby's old couch.

"Sam, talk to me kid."

"Dean, I feel sick." Sam squeaked out, afraid to move. It wouldn't take much to lose control over his stomach.

Sam heard cursing and rustling.

"I gotcha Sammy." Sam heard as Dean gently lifted his head up and let it hang over the couch. "You need to get rid of the remnants of the potion, it'll make you feel better."

Potion? Sam wanted to question Dean, but his stomach had other ideas as it released its contents.

Dean held tight as Sam violently expelled the fluid.

Sam could just make out his brother's voice over his own misery.

"Bobby, you did only give him a small amount, right?"

"Yeah, but that was powerful stuff. His stomachs just riled up, he's mostly throwing up bile."

"God, I know it's gross."

Sam went from losing his stomach bile to dry heaves. He could hear his brother's voice trying to comfort him.

He was relieved when the dry heaves died down and he was able to relax. His stomach was sore and his head was pounding but at least his stomach wasn't hurting anymore.

Sam kept his eyes closed, afraid of the blurry vision messing with his stomach again.

"Sammy, here open your mouth and take a few sips. Just a bit, we don't want to make you sick."

Sam took a couple of sips of the cool liquid and wanted to drink more, but he knew his brother was right, they needed to make sure he could keep it down before drinking more.

"Sam can you look at me?"

"No, things are really blurry. Dean why am I so sick?"

Sam could hear Dean clear his throat.

"What do you remember?"

Sam swallowed hard. "I was kidnapped. This girl, she looked so much like Jess."

"She wasn't Jess." Dean's voice was soft.

Swallowing the lump in his throat Sam continued. "She took me to a hospital. The doctor and nurses were demons. They… did something to me. I don't remember anything else"

"They took your memory."

Sam could hear the misery in Dean's voice.

"My memory? Why?"

"They thought it would be easier to turn you dark side that way."

Sam nodded and then regretted the move as it made his head pound harder. "You saved me."

"Of course I did. That's what big brother's are for. The ritual to return your memory has made you sick. Try and sleep Sammy. We can talk more when you're feeling better."

"Okay." Sam had lots of questions and concerns, and felt there was no way that he'd be able to sleep. His body had other plans as it relaxed and pulled him into sleep.

-0-

It had been a rough night for Dean. The first half was spent wishing Sam would wake up. Then the second half was spent hoping the kid would be able to sleep off the awful side-effects of the memory reversal potion.

Sam had awoken at about 3am, and promptly became violently ill. Dean was relieved that Sam's memories had returned, he just wished the kid hadn't had to suffer the ill effects of the potion and ritual.

Dean had dozed off and on but once the sun had come up, he had remained awake and attentive to Sam.

To pass the time, Dean was reading through a few of the car magazines Bobby had laying around.

Dean was pulled from his third magazine by Bobby's voice. "Did the kid sleep the rest of the night?"

Dean sat up in the chair. "Yeah, I'm grateful for that. Do you think he'll feel better the next time he wakes up?"

Bobby handed Dean a cup of coffee and took a seat in the other easy chair. "The potion should be out of his system. So he should be better, but to be honest, I'm afraid he'll be weak from the ritual for a few days at least."

Dean blew on his coffee and took a sip. "I figured that. The ritual took a lot out of the kid."

Bobby grunted. "Hell, it took a lot out of us."

Dean smirked. "That's true. God, I hate that Sam had to go through that shit."

"I know, but at least he's got his memory back, well minus the last month under the demon's influence." Bobby gruffed out.

"I know it'll be hard on the kid having missing time and all, but I'm glad he won't remember it. That Mara chick really messed with his mind." Dean was still felt anger every time Mara was mentioned.

"Well at least for now he doesn't remember. The way she played with his head, I'm not sure it won't crop up some where down the road." Bobby rubbed his palm across his face.

"We'll deal with it when it comes up." Dean answered quietly. He hoped it never came up and if it did…well he hoped he would be around to help the kid through it.

-0-

Sam could hear hushed voices. After listening for a moment, he realized it was Dean and Bobby talking quietly, probably to keep for disturbing him.

Memories from earlier returned. He had woken up on Bobby's couch disoriented and very sick.

Sam took a moment to take stock of his body. His head was still hurting but not as bad as before. His stomach was sore from last night's activities but no longer felt nauseous. That left his eyes sight.

Sam slowly opened his eyes, and was relieved that the room came into focus with no blurriness.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty, how you feeling?"

Sam turned to see his brother staring at him. He decided to try and sit up and quickly felt his brother's hands on him.

"Slow Sam, take it slow and let me help."

Dean's strong hands helped maneuver him in place, and he felt pillows being propped behind him.

"Not a baby." Sam grumbled as he settled into the pillows.

Sam heard Bobby chuckle from the end of the couch.

"Dean, the kid must be feeling better if he's up for complaining. Sam, how does some juice and toast sound?" Bobby was looking at Sam with a small grin on his face.

Sam gave him a grateful nod. "Good thanks."

Bobby winked and turned to leave.

Dean plopped down in the chair next to the couch and spoke. "You never did tell me how you're feeling Samantha?"

"Better. I can see you clearly, and while my stomachs sore, I'm not nauseous." Sam gave Dean a small smile.

"You have a headache though huh?" Dean's voice held a note of concern.

Sam gave his big brother a bigger smile. He never could hide his ills from Dean.

"Yeah, my head hurts but not as bad as before."

Dean nodded. "After you eat, we'll get you something for your head."

Dean looked down at his hands and Sam could tell something was bothering him.

"Dean, what's up?"

Dean looked up, and Sam could see that his brother was fighting emotions. "I just missed you, that's all."

It was then that Sam remembered. He had been taken.

"How long was I gone?" Sam asked and watched Dean wince at the question.

"You were gone a week before I found you, but…" Dean paused and took a deep breath, "But you've been without your memories for little over a month."

"A month? Why so long?" Sam could see guilt in his brother's eyes.

"It took awhile to find a reversal ritual. I'm sorry."

It was then that Sam realized where the guilt came from. His brother hadn't been able to fix things for a whole month and that had to weigh heavily on his conscious.

Sam decided to get his brother talking about other things.

"How did you find me?"

"Ruby helped me track you down." Dean flushed a little red with that statement.

"You worked with Ruby?" Sam was in shock. His brother had to be desperate to work with the demon.

"Didn't have a lot of choices, and once we got you back she headed off after the demon group responsible for taking you." Dean's voice was full of emotion.

"So when you found me, I didn't remember you?" Sam could see the hurt in Dean's face and knew the answer before his brother spoke.

"No, and it was hard going at first."

"How did you explain things to me?"

"Uh, we grabbed you from the Jess look-a-like. You watched me question the Jess demon and then exorcise her. The human host then explained how she had been possessed, and then, well you went along with me. I think you were in such shock you weren't sure what to do."

"So the girl, she was okay? Why did she look like Jess? I thought she had to be a shape shifter."

"No, they picked this girl Stacy from San Francisco that looked a lot like Jess and then had plastic surgery performed on her. She's okay Sam, I promise. The demon had $2,000.00 dollars in her purse and Stacy used it to get home. She called me when she got home to let me know she was safe."

"God she looked so much like Jess."

"Yeah she did. They really knew how to mess with your head. What happened Sam?"

Sam bit his bottom lip in thought. "I was returning to the motel room when I heard a female voice calling my name. When I turned around, I was face to face with this Jess look-a -like and before I could respond someone hit me from behind. I woke up tied up in a van with the girl."

Dean gave him a sympathetic look. "I figured they must have used the girl to distract you. Ruby found your cell phone and blood outside the door, so we knew someone had taken you."

"I'm glad that you had a clue as to what happened." Sam had hoped his brother didn't think he had just left.

Dean cleared his throat. "So what happened next?"

The girl and her three flunkies took me to the hospital. When we pulled up to the parking lot, they injected me with something and I lost consciousness. I came too, restrained to a hospital bed. Jess was there, along with this other woman. She said her name was Mara and that soon, I would belong to her." Sam swallowed hard as the memories of his ordeal assaulted him.

"That Mara bitch is dead." Dean statement was cold and full of hate.

Sam nodded and wiped the moisture from his cheek. "Glad you got her. She had plans for me to join her and rule the demon world and then the human one. That's what she told me before I was made to swallow this liquid and then she started speaking in Latin. God my head hurt and the room started spinning. Her laugh is my last memory until I woke up here on Bobby's couch."

Sam felt Dean grab his hand as he tried to compose himself. "It's okay Sammy, it's over now."

Sam nodded. "How?"

Dean gripped his hand and Sam felt comfort in the touch. "She took your memories and blood bonded with you. You were fed lies that your family was dead and that you had been in a coma for three months after a car accident that killed me and Dad. Jess had been by your side the whole time."

"And I believed them?"

"Sammy, you had no memories, and they planted horrible fake memories in your head. Memories that attacked you when you were sleeping. In fact these dream memories kept you from trusting me for a while."

"What kind of memories?"

Dean's grip became harder, almost hurting Sam. "Memories of physical and mental abuse."

"What? Oh my God Dean!"

"It's okay Sam, you and I worked through it. In the last month, we were able to conquer all the demon's memory plants and we were becoming very close."

Sam sighed and then smiled.

"What are you smiling at?"

"It's just that when the djinn had you, and you lived out your life where mom didn't die… we weren't close. This proves that even though we are opposites, we're meant to be brothers and close no matter what."

"Good grief Sam, there you go turning our discussion into a Hallmark moment."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

-0-

"Jerk"

"Bitch."

Those words were music to Bobby's ears as he entered the living room that held the two Winchester boys.

Bobby cleared his throat as he approached the boys, with a tray of food for Sam. "Hate to interrupt such stimulating conversation, but I got food for Sam. We'll start easy son, just some toast and juice."

Sam smiled and Bobby and shifted so that he was sitting up to receive the food. The blanket that had been pulled around Sam fell exposing the protective symbols Dean had drawn on him.

"Uh, what's with the art work all over me? Bobby did you let Dean draw on me while I was unconscious?"

Dean laughed and Bobby just huffed as he handed the tray over to Sam.

"Sam, you should know I can't control that pig headed brother of yours. He wanted protective symbols drawn on you to help protect you during the ritual." Bobby could see that gratitude in Sam's eyes as he looked at Dean.

Sam studied his chest for a minute and then spoke. "So Bobby can you tell me what good a smiley face does while performing a ritual?"

"Hell if I know, ask your brother." Bobby suppressed a laugh as attention turned to a smirking Dean.

"Dude, you made me promise not to draw male or female body parts on you, and well that blank spot around your belly button needed something." Dean's smirk grew bigger as Sam turned red.

"Dean, will you ever grow up?" Sam sputtered out.

Bobby and Dean both laughed.

"It's not funny, and I want to know- was a permanent marker used?" Sam was now becoming agitated.

Dean chuckled. "All Bobby had was sharpies so, yeah it's permanent. But dude, it'll wear off, promise."

"I'm so paying you back!" Sam grumbled as he took a bite of toast.

"Bring it on, dude." Dean replied as he got up.

Bobby decided he better put his two cents in before he had a prank war on his hands.

"Boys, there will be no pranks or that sort of thing while you're here. It took me weeks to get things cleaned up the last time that happened here. So it can wait until you leave, you hear me?"

Bobby was happy with the two "Yes sir's." He heard in reply.

Dean nudged his brother. "Dude, I'm gonna get a shower, you okay with Bobby?"

Sam nodded and then smiled. "Yeah, just go cause you're starting to reek."

"I think that's you, but whatever." Dean replied as he left the room.

Bobby took Dean's empty chair and took a good look at the ailing Winchester. Sam was still pretty pale and had dark circles under his eyes, but he looked a lot better than he did the previous night. The word zombie was a good one to describe how the boy looked last night.

Sam gave Bobby a warm smile. "So my memory-less self knew to warn Dean about his art work, huh?"

Bobby chuckled at that. "Yeah. When you first arrived, it was rough going. You had to learn to trust us, but it really didn't take long before things were almost normal. They may have robbed you of your memory but the demons couldn't take your sense of family."

Sam nodded and swallowed hard. "Uh Bobby, I missed out on a whole month of Dean's last year. I could've been researching."

"It was unavoidable Sam. Don't beat yourself up over it, besides you have been researching."

Sam eyes grew big with confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, you were bored Sam and wanting to learn about the supernatural, so I would give you research assignments. You found some good leads while you were memory-less. Plus I found some stuff too."

"Wow, really?"

"Yep. I made you copies of all the notes and they're in a folder with your laptop, and I added some stuff to your laptop notes. Some of our leads were a bust, but you and I found some new ones."

"God, Bobby, I don't know what to say."

"Well you could stop your yapping and eat your toast before it gets cold."

Sam chuckled and took a bite.

Bobby was happy that he was at least able to take some of the guilt away from Sam. He knew the kid was carrying a heavy load as it was.

-0-

Sam could tell his brother was going stir crazy, because he was driving him crazy.

Dean needed to be on a hunt, but wouldn't allow Sam to even research one because he was in over protective brother mode.

Sam got it, he was still pretty weak and was prone to headaches a week after the ritual. But, he was getting better and while maybe not hard core hunting better, he could handle a simple hunt. He just needed to convince Dean of that.

Bobby, who was growing tired of Dean asking if there was anything he could help him with, had found a perfect hunt. Now the trick was convincing Dean.

Sam went in search of his brother and wasn't surprised to find him tinkering with his baby, the Impala.

"Hey Sam, how ya feeling?"

"I'm fine Dean."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, and that's why you're still falling asleep in the middle of the day."

"So I'm a bit tired, but I'm getting better."

"I know."

"Good. I'm getting better and I think it's time we got out of Bobby's hair." Sam watched as Dean smirked at him.

"So wanna head out and do some sightseeing?"

"No, I want to head out and tackle a small hunt that Bobby found for us." Sam held Dean's eye contact and could tell he was in for another argument.

"I want to hunt too Sam, but not while you're still weak and there are demons out there gunning for you, so drop it." Dean's tone was that of an order.

"Dean, I hate to break it to you, but a demon came here and attacked me. If they want me bad enough, they'll track me down. "

Dean slammed the hood to the Impala closed. "Damn it Sam. I know that, but at least here we have a chance."

"You can't lock me away from the world. I've got to do what I can to help.

"When you're stronger." Dean's voice began to plead.

"It's a simple salt and burn. I'm really not all that bad off Dean. No worse than after the wreck. We did the clown gig while I was healing from that. Hell, you took that hunt and you were far from well."

Sam could tell he was finally reaching his brother.

"Where is this hunt?"

"It's an hour away. A spirit is causing problems at an old theater. The new owners want it gone. We know who the spirit is, and it's a non- threatening spirit. It's just scaring the employees." Sam could tell Dean was considering it.

"Non-threatening now, but once we start messing with it's corpse it might get pissed." Dean grumbled.

"So I play look out and you dig. I promise I can handle a gun in my so called weakened condition." Sam smirked at his brother.

"Ah no Sammy, if you're up for this hunt, you're digging too." Dean smirked back.

"Alright, so we got a hunt ?" Sam gave his brother a big smile.

Dean returned it. "I guess, but no complaining."

"Promise."

Sam felt excitement welling up inside him. He needed things to go back to normal and so did Dean. They still had a lot of crap hanging over their heads, but being out there helping people would make things better. More normal for them, or at least Sam hoped.

**A/N: **So that concludes this story. I want to thank all of you have left such wonderful reviews. It means a lot to me. I also want to thank my awesome beta's Sendintheclown and Floralia. If it wasn't for their wonderful suggestions and support, I don't know how I would have gotten this story finished. They are the best.

I just want to mention that I'm working on a short story with BlueEyedDemonLiz. It's called Mrs. Robinson and it's a preseries story that deals with a ghost hunt during Mardi Gras. I'm not sure whose name we'll post it under, but it should be up soon. Thanks for reading! :0)


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